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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws “will definitely still be visiting us” in July.

147 replies

whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 16:28

Just that really, we live quite far away from both sides of family. obviously we miss them all lots, especially atm. My folks were due down next weekend and again in June but have said due to the current situation neither visit is likely to go ahead.

In-laws are due to visit in July, they have hired a cottage through a holiday company and at the moment as it stands the company has said that booking taking after May will still be going ahead.

We have isolated correctly, kids haven’t been out of the door, (we actually took them out of school the week before the school closures came) thankfully we have a lot of outdoor space, husband is a key worker but has been taking every precaution he can and is also working from home as much as possible, he is also the only one that has been out for essentials wearing gloves, changing when he comes in etc.

Talking to MIL on the phone last night and she’s has made of quite clear that unless they shut the borders of their booking gets cancelled they will be coming down. Her logic is that they won’t be visiting any other places rather than us so chances of catching or passing on CV is highly unlikely.

AIBU to be quietly fucking fuming that she thinks that this is her sole decision to make. FIL is a driver and still working, they still see other family members, one of which who also still works with all 4 adults nipping out to shops etc...

This is absolutely ludicrous that they still think it’s ok to come here and spend the week with us isn’t it?

OP posts:
Walkaround · 02/04/2020 17:03

Let them have something to look forward to. They won’t visit if lockdown continues. Simples. Not sure why you’re overreacting to something that is 3 months away.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 02/04/2020 17:05

Let them have something to look forward to. They won’t visit if lockdown continues. Simples. Not sure why you’re overreacting to something that is 3 months away.

^^ This.

I’m sure you’re are OP but you don’t come across very nice. Sounds to me like you have to be right and you want to put your in laws in their place. This is really a non issues- who knows what will happen in 3 months!?

MindyStClaire · 02/04/2020 17:05

Don't get angry at this stage. "Oh yes, wouldn't it be lovely if some of the restrictions have lifted by then, we'd all love to see you. Fingers crossed life is starting to return to normal." And then if it isn't, you can get more firm as time goes on. At the minute, it's very hard to predict what will and won't be possible in July so save yourself an argument.

LesFleursDuMal · 02/04/2020 17:07

I have a flight in mid-July to visit my family (they have no issues with that). In a country that has much fewer cases than UK. It's my home country, so no issues with letting me in.

Sure, the flight might be cancelled and lockdown might continue, then I'm not going, obviously. But if not, then I will. July is some time away, we cannot be sure what will happen until then.

PeacockPies · 02/04/2020 17:08

It's April 2nd. Nobody knows what's going to happen between now and July.

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2020 17:09

I also think this is perfectly feasible for July. I would really not choose to pick this hill to die on, because you’ll kick off then come July if there are no restrictions they will all think you’re a twat.

If the restrictions are in place that prevents it. Then clearly they can’t come.

QuestionMarkNow · 02/04/2020 17:10

You are talking about JULY !!

You have no idea if there will be some restrictions in place and what they will be if there are any.
You are reacting as if we will be in full lockdown which is unlikely.
PIL are reacting as if everything willl be back to normal which is unlikely.

Just wait and see how thiings will evolve. It’s too soon for you to be angry or anxious about it!

UYScuti · 02/04/2020 17:11

just tell her straight what your rules are

Krisskrosskiss · 02/04/2020 17:12

Yanbu my parents who are quite chilled out normally, live in italy and were supposed to come over in summer to stay with us.. they have cancelled now and said they wont re book until we are all absolutely sure this virus has died down.. which we have acknowledged may not be any time this summer sadly...

If you are uncomfortable with it it's well within your rights to make it clear you will not be having any contact with them if they come.

Greenpop21 · 02/04/2020 17:12

I’d just tell her that you will reserve judgment on whether you’ll be seeing them in July depending on what the situation is at the time. If things are the same, you won’t be seeing them and do long as they realise that it’s fine.

QuestionMarkNow · 02/04/2020 17:12

FWIW I’m really hoping to be able to go and see my parents in July too...
I’m just waiting for the confirmation I will be able to.

DamnYouAutoCarrot · 02/04/2020 17:13

I'm sure you’re are OP but you don’t come across very nice. Sounds to me like you have to be right and you want to put your in laws in their place. This is really a non issues- who knows what will happen in 3 months!?

This ^
There's no need to be confrontational about it. There's being ultra safe and then there's just picking a fight.

DressingGownofDoom · 02/04/2020 17:14

Just calm down, it's only April.

Alsohuman · 02/04/2020 17:15

You do know how to look for trouble, OP. July is three months away. Wait and see.

Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 17:19

I’m not sure how through one post people can tell if I’m not a nice person or not...Shock

I think my crime is I’m an over thinker and I also hate confrontation so would really prefer if we were all on the same page and being cautious about plans possibly needing more to change rather than “We will be coming down regardless”

I’m also worried that if we don’t say anything now we will be to blame for any money lost if it’s too late to cancel, move the booking.

I do really like me in-laws and my DC are really excited to see them, I’m just taking CV very seriously.

OP posts:
Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 17:20

I also haven’t said a word to them, other than the usual “we will just have to wait and see” every-time they mention it,

OP posts:
ilovemyrednosedaymug · 02/04/2020 17:21

I agree, just nod and agree for now and have one line - we'll see nearer the time won't we. and keep repeating it and don't engage in any further conversation, as there is no point as nobody knows when this will end.

We have a holiday cottage booked for the end of August. I haven't cancelled it yet, and have no idea if it will happen or not. It's the last thing on my mind at the moment.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 02/04/2020 17:22

I don't get the advice not to say anything yet and wait and see. Surely if you mmm along with it now when it comes to having to say "no" it will be harder than if you say "no" from the start? I'd also be peeved that someone thinks they can tell me they are coming, rather than ask if it's OK with me.

HoffiCoffi13 · 02/04/2020 17:23

I’m also worried that if we don’t say anything now we will be to blame for any money lost if it’s too late to cancel, move the booking

If restrictions haven’t lifted by then, it will be cancelled anyway. If they have then great, you should be able to see them.
We haven’t cancelled our flights for July. If they’re cancelled by the airline we’ll be able to rebook or get a refund. If travel is allowed then, we’ll go.

Alsohuman · 02/04/2020 17:24

I'd also be peeved that someone thinks they can tell me they are coming, rather than ask if it's OK with me

Really? Even though they’re staying in their own cottage?

Quartz2208 · 02/04/2020 17:24

I think this is a case of different personality types they must know there is a chance it isnt happening but the moment OP not matter how seriously you take it there is A chance it will - no one knows how quickly this will blow over and July is a time frame outside of the 12 weeks initially given.

You are on the same page in that she is saying if it is clear that it will be canceled or told not too she wont come - that is what you are thinking too. Your differences are in the fact that at the moment she (like many people) thinks we maybe coming out of it in July, you (also like many people) do not.

Until July hits who knows who will be right. My advice - act like it is happening allow her to enjoy it and look forward to it until it is clear that it is not going to happen. What is the harm in that.

HoffiCoffi13 · 02/04/2020 17:25

Surely if you mmm along with it now when it comes to having to say "no" it will be harder than if you say "no" from the start?

But it might not come to having to say no. If we’re still in the current state of lockdown, or one more severe, the booking will be cancelled. If we’re not, then they can hopefully see each other.
It’s three months away. No one knows what will be happening in July.

Quartz2208 · 02/04/2020 17:25

Also I have a holiday booked in August - if I cancelled now I would lose money it really isnt in the travel industry sight yet - too much to deal with in Aprril/May and possibly June

Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 17:26

@Alsohuman thing is we aren’t talking about a few miles, there is a 9 hour car journey between us...

I’d be more of a dick to let them come without mentioning any reservation at all and then not let them in to see us when we got there!

OP posts:
welldonejean · 02/04/2020 17:27

It's a while off, wait and see. If we're still in lockdown then tell them you can't see them if they do go ahead.

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