In-laws “will definitely still be visiting us” in July.

[whodunit3]

Just that really, we live quite far away from both sides of family. obviously we miss them all lots, especially atm. My folks were due down next weekend and again in June but have said due to the current situation neither visit is likely to go ahead.

In-laws are due to visit in July, they have hired a cottage through a holiday company and at the moment as it stands the company has said that booking taking after May will still be going ahead.

We have isolated correctly, kids haven’t been out of the door, (we actually took them out of school the week before the school closures came) thankfully we have a lot of outdoor space, husband is a key worker but has been taking every precaution he can and is also working from home as much as possible, he is also the only one that has been out for essentials wearing gloves, changing when he comes in etc.

Talking to MIL on the phone last night and she’s has made of quite clear that unless they shut the borders of their booking gets cancelled they will be coming down. Her logic is that they won’t be visiting any other places rather than us so chances of catching or passing on CV is highly unlikely.

AIBU to be quietly fucking fuming that she thinks that this is her sole decision to make. FIL is a driver and still working, they still see other family members, one of which who also still works with all 4 adults nipping out to shops etc...

This is absolutely ludicrous that they still think it’s ok to come here and spend the week with us isn’t it?

YANBU. My MIL tends to state quite grandiosely that she will be visiting on a given date, without troubling to ask if it's convenient, and the entitled-ness of it winds me up no end even without a deadly virus in the mix. To try to set plans in stone at a time like this is just daft and would wind me up even further.

Let your DH deal with them. Tell them you expect him to have your and your family's back on this, and you will be adhering to whatever guidelines are in place in July.

A lot can happen in 3 months. My dgs is supposed to be coming to us for the school holidays. I just assume everything will be ok by the end of July. We can’t live in lockdown for ever.

I really don't understand the issue. Ok, he's not NHS but still, the same principle applies. You are more likely to get it from him than his parents.

Once people properly return to work and schools are opening, socially distancing won't be really in place. How would that even work? There can be around a thousand kids in a school, how they going to get in the school never mind sit in the class with social distancing.

Putting yourself under this much stress about something that may or may not happen in a few months time, isn't healthy for you. Is there anyone you could talk to more about this?

I understand that it's really fucking scary at the moment. Looks like I'm gonna spend the 12 weeks in isolation trying to get rid of it haha. I'm not saying this to draw things away from you. I've been where you are now, and well I say I've been, I still am at times. Of course. Secretly we are all. We see what is happening, there is no escaping. It's fine to feel like this. We either let our fears take over, or we look at ways in which to overcome them. It's not always good for us to let our emotions take over.

You cannot control what other people. What you can try and do is control how you handle these situations. Take back that control the anxiety has over you.

Let your DH handle it for sure. I would leave it up to them what they do but I do think it's only fair to spell out what you mean at this point, which is that even if restrictions are lifted you may not feel comfortable seeing anyone outside your household. They will probably choose to keep the booking and see what happens, I probably would too. If you have a good relationship they shouldn't be offended.

You’re ‘quietly fucking fuming’ because your MIL has said that they will still be coming to visit you as planned in July (4 months away)?

I mean it sounds like she’s just being optimistic that she’ll get to have her holiday and see her grandchildren (because it’s in the middle of summer and well after the end of the 12 week period) not like she thinks it’s ‘her sole decision to make’.

Are you the kind of person who looks for a reason to be ‘fuming’ or ‘raging’?

Play along. See what the position is in late May or early June. You can be ‘fucking fuming’ then if you like.

Also you do know you’re pretty likely to get Covid at some point don’t you?

OP - I can see why you are annoyed she won't consider not coming, but really, until closer to the date, there's no point having the conversation.

Most importantly, you need to be flexible, not just MIL! if restrictions are lifted in June, will your DC have been back at school for over a month by the time they visit? You back at work? If swimming pools and gyms have reopened, will your DCs be having their swimming lessons or going to sports clubs? What will the increased risk in seeing PIL be then? will you be going to hairdressers and shops? Eating out? If you/your DCs have already had Corona by then, will you be relaxed about seeing others?

See, you don't know what the situation will be like. If things are close to back to normal, then it would be cruel to insist PIL cancel their booking and lose their money. If restrictions are still in place, by not cancelling themselves, they'll get a refund or an offer of a new date to stay for no extra cost.

If there's an inbetween situation, then you make a judgement on what level of risk they pose 2 weeks before.

Take a deep breath, let your MIL have this to look forward to. Don't discuss again until you know what the situation will be.

I can see both sides as a dm of adult dc and a dgm.
Remember she won't have seen her dc - adult or not your dh is still her dc... Worrying from afar is horrendous ime..
Be a tad more understanding at this time op.
One day you will be a mil also!!

At the moment nobody knows what may happen in 3/4 months time. Tell her you will discuss it at nearer the time.

But, in the end, you control who comes in your house.

She’s a bit out of order but at least she’s being positive

I’d encourage you to do the same and hope we are over the worst of this shit by then

We are meant to go to an Airbnb in Cornwall in early July. I know there is a strong chance it will be cancelled, but as other have said if restrictions are lifted we would love to go.

No travelling so shes not visiting you. If she does just keep it socially spaced and away from your house. Simples. You can still have walks and chips on the beach.

I mean she is being a bit unreasonable to just assume you and your DH don’t get to weigh in on this decision. For now I would just say we will worry about that when it gets a bit closer. Because we don’t know what the situation will be in July and there’s no point causing a disagreement for no reason is everything gets cancelled by then. Once it gets closer yes contact her and make it clear that her travel plans are her own but that (if you aren’t comfortable with it and the rules are still in place) you won’t be accepting visitors in your house as you are isolating.

Bloody hell feel sorry for you OP! Majority jumping and saying you're a horrible person and july is a long way off...yes july is a long way off but there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying if this covid 19 continues in to july then visitors are off the cards? How is that being mean? All it is is wanting your kids/husband and in laws to be safe? So dont understand why everyone doesn't pipe down. Those who are commenting saying OP is mean is clearly not taking corona seriously enough! Nothing wrong with being positive but also we need to be realistic at times like this and make sure that people are not wasting time and money. Especially for something they hoped would be a lovely family holiday but wont turn out to be seeing the family. YANBU at all OP. Just realistic.

On the contrary, I am taking it extremely seriously and have been since the very first reports of an ‘unknown virus’ coming out of China in early January. We were self isolating before lockdown due to symptoms. We leave the house once every day for a rural walk where we encounter no one.
I still think there is no sense in making a fuss over it now. It’s 3 months away. This is a fast moving situation. COVID19 will still be around in July, there’s no disputing that. But if schools/businesses/shops are open by then, there’s a chance the visit can go ahead.
Cross that bridge when you come to it.

Completely agree Hoffi, the holiday cottage won’t be available if we’re still required to isolate or distance in July so there really isn’t a decision to be made.

The chances of social distancing and the like being lifted by July are miniscule. I think this issue will solve itself, to be brutally honest, though you're not wrong to sound a note of caution

OP, this is such a nothing.

You are feeling out of control so you are trying to control this.

Just nod along. If they can come fine. They probably can’t but that can be sorted nearer the time.

Well, if the kids are not going back to school till Sept and we will probably be in lock down for at least 6 months .. can not see them visting realisitly . Lots of company's are just hanging on to the cash at moment and waiting.. like us all .. .

Whilst I think that social distancing will still be around, and travel limited, I don't believe that the lockdown we currently have will still be in place in July as it isn't sustainable. Quite aside from the economic damage, people will breach the regulations in greater numbers because humans are not designed to live in isolation. Those that live on their own will really struggle and suicide rate will far exceed that of Covid-19 deaths.

Well, if the kids are not going back to school till Sept and we will probably be in lock down for at least 6 months

Who has told you that? As the LEA’s have no idea when schools are going back, how have you got that insider information?

She hasn’t. She just made that up.

I would be amazed if we are still in lockdown by July. I think you could just say that is fine, provided the current restrictions have been lifted... And stick to that party line regardless of what they say. July is a way off and things can change really quickly, as we saw two weeks ago!

Believe me we are in this for the long run and I would think that the booking will be cancelled anyway

No! You are not being unreasonable! How rude if them! It’s entirely up to you not them! I would say we’ll really have to see how things go and I’ll let you know whether you can come! How rude!