Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To want to withdraw as a volunteer?

318 replies

ladylovesmilktray · 31/03/2020 23:18

I am working full time but have contacted my local council who delivered leaflets asking for people who may help the vulnerable and elderly. For the last two weeks I have been helping with the shopping for an elderly lady distant from her family but it is getting too much. I am going three times a week to the shops for her but each time she gives me a list of multiple shops - today was boots, home bargains and aldi - all with individual long queues for really specific items that just aren't available. When I get the next best thing, say strawberry yogurt because cherry is sold out for example, when i take them back she refuses to pay as it wasn't what she wanted. This has happened lots of times now! I just end up having these items. Like flash spray not Dettol spray because she hates bleach when on the list it just said cleaning spray! This is becoming a nightmare with my job and my own jobs and health but I don't want to leave her in the lurch. The original councillor is no help!

OP posts:
BIWI · 31/03/2020 23:19

YABVU and horrifically ageist.

You have a problem with the person you're shopping for. You can't use this one person to define all the elderly.

Apirateslifeforme · 31/03/2020 23:21

This isnt an elderly problem, this woman is an ungrateful cow, regardless of what age she is.
I wouldn't be helping her again in your shoes,
But also, if you choose not to help anyone else then that's you're prerogative.

You did something nice, sad that shes ruined that

SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 23:23

@BIWI

OP hasn't made even one generalised comment about the elderly Confused

OP, YANBU. A few questions:

  • if you stop, are the council likely to find someone easily?
  • can you set clear boundaries (one shop per week)
  • If they don't have the item she wants, don't buy it.
TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg · 31/03/2020 23:23

Please tell whoever is organising this.

MissConductUS · 31/03/2020 23:24

If she was 40 years younger you'd have the same issues with her, it's nothing to due with being elderly.

Set some limits - one shop per week, essential groceries only, cash up front, substitutions as needed. If those aren't acceptable her it's her choice.

Original poster
ladylovesmilktray · 31/03/2020 23:25

I think my subject may be a misnomer them. It is this lady rathe than all elderly people.

OP posts:
chocolatespiders · 31/03/2020 23:25

I do shopping for a lady and can feel the pressure sometimes especially in the current shortage.
Could you discuss the list with her and say what would be your next choice if they dont have strawberry yogurt.

BIWI · 31/03/2020 23:25

@SharonasCorona look at the title of her thread

JanewaysBun · 31/03/2020 23:25

Fuck that she seems like a nightmare...

So is this how these scenes work you get the stuff then they pay after? Seems to me it should be money upfront then change refunded or whatever otherwise loads of people will be out of pocket!

JKScot4 · 31/03/2020 23:26

Feck that, you’re a volunteer not a slave. It’s prescriptions and one stop Tesco or Sainsburys, not a tour of the town.

saraclara · 31/03/2020 23:26

OP hasn't made even one generalised comment about the elderly

@SharonasCorona, read the title of the OP

Starlight1243 · 31/03/2020 23:27

Shes taking advantage op, I wouldn't do it anymore.

Original poster
ladylovesmilktray · 31/03/2020 23:27

Sorry the title is badly worded. This is not my view.

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 31/03/2020 23:29

Just don't get an alternative if the shops don't have exactly what she wants.

Oakmaiden · 31/03/2020 23:29

#YEah, your title is going to get a lot of knee jerk reactions about being unreasonable, while your actual post is very reasonable. Maybe see if MNHQ will edit the title for you?

Original poster
ladylovesmilktray · 31/03/2020 23:29

Thanks oakmaiden

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 31/03/2020 23:30

What a shame that this lady is a shopping horror. I actually think it's too much to expect you to go to multiple shops. It's putting you at risk as well as others.

SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 23:31

look at the title of her thread

OP has had a bad experience with volunteering. It's natural that she is reluctant to help again. That is NOT ageist.

Her title doesn't say 'AIBU to hate the elderly'.

My mum is elderly and I adore her, but we have to push back when she is being unreasonable with some things she wants. For example, she wants fresh meat and bakery bread regularly, whereas we have suggested 1 shop per week and she can put meat in freezer.

WineAndTiramisu · 31/03/2020 23:33

YANBU, the first time she refused to pay for an item that was the wrong flavour I'd have given up. It's one supermarket, one trip and she has to accept whatever is closest to what she's asked for!

shinyredbus · 31/03/2020 23:35

Just withdraw as a volunteer then 🤷🏻‍♀️

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 31/03/2020 23:35

I'm volunteering with a charity and we have rules that people can request generic basic items only.

I thought the policy was a bit harsh but I can see how the need for the policy arises with people taking advantage.

SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 23:35

Just withdraw as a volunteer then

Really helpful.

TrainspottingWelsh · 31/03/2020 23:36

Tell her it's a once a week shop, to whichever you normally go to. Either she agrees to substitutions or goes without any missing items.

I'm shopping for several households at the moment, all people I know anyway. Under normal circumstances if one was unwell I'd happily go round wherever, but at present, and for more than one, it's a case of a weekly shop bar emergencies.

Blitzen2 · 31/03/2020 23:37

If it was me I would be giving her one last chance but making it clear she accepts what’s available. Its not like your doing it on purpose, the shops are mental just now.

If she does it again I’d tell her to find someone else to help her

Original poster
ladylovesmilktray · 31/03/2020 23:37

I don't want to leave her in the lurch or I would quit. I dread it every time. The lists are so long and so many shops. Because she's not going out she doesn't understand the lack of items or the queues even when I explain.

OP posts: