To want to withdraw as a volunteer?

[ladylovesmilktray]

I am working full time but have contacted my local council who delivered leaflets asking for people who may help the vulnerable and elderly. For the last two weeks I have been helping with the shopping for an elderly lady distant from her family but it is getting too much. I am going three times a week to the shops for her but each time she gives me a list of multiple shops - today was boots, home bargains and aldi - all with individual long queues for really specific items that just aren't available. When I get the next best thing, say strawberry yogurt because cherry is sold out for example, when i take them back she refuses to pay as it wasn't what she wanted. This has happened lots of times now! I just end up having these items. Like flash spray not Dettol spray because she hates bleach when on the list it just said cleaning spray! This is becoming a nightmare with my job and my own jobs and health but I don't want to leave her in the lurch. The original councillor is no help!

To be fair BIWI you can’t have read beyond the original title.

Could you not say to her. I'm really trying my best unfortunately if you don't appreciate it then I won't be able to help you anymore.

@Redhairgreeneyes

Of course I did. Which is why I said this: You have a problem with the person you're shopping for. You can't use this one person to define all the elderly.

OP didn't define all elderly people with the original title either. Some people were just looking for something to be upset about rather than thinking that OP was doing a lovely thing for someone but was being taken advantage of.

I'd say that you will volunteer to help someone else - she sounds incredibly ungrateful.

Well done for having such a big heart. I would stop doing it as it’s becoming too difficult for you and putting your own health at risk.

Look, I'm not going to quote the original title again. But the OP was conflating her personal situation (one disagreeable elderly person) with all. And that's simply not acceptable, because it's ageist.

And yes, ageism does upset me. Whether it's about older or younger people. Oh, and it's also against Mumsnet Talk Guidelines.

@KC225

Most recently, she moaned for a full ten minutes how he had bought her sausages instead of sausage rolls (a perfectly reasonable substitution in my eyes as they didn't have any sausage rolls).
Really? I don't consider that a realistic substitution. You don't have to cook a sausage roll and it is in pastry. You have to grill or fry a sausage.

I would have moaned too.

I would challenge this woman and ask her why you should be out of pocket by doing her shopping and being expected to buy back anything she doesn't want. How can she justify this behaviour as it's so piss taking?

Maybe she can get on the free food delivery list instead?

Noteverythingisblackandwhite Haha Maybe I should have added, she heats her sausage rolls in a pan with melted butter and then peels off most of the pastry.

I’m extremely vulnerable right now. I would never treat the amazing volunteers like that! Maybe ask to swap?

I would have no qualms about telling her what for, I'd speak to your supervisor first though. Some people get away with it because nobody sets boundaries for fear of being impolite.

Well done for volunteering OP. Sorry you got a difficult person.

Agree you spell it out that she needs to take what you can get in one shop as you are putting yourself at risk for her. None of us are getting everything we want right now. She needs to be thankful for anything she gets

I equally offered to help someone on my street. I stated I can add a few bits on my Tesco order as the limit is 80 items and this is my last online delivery (we don’t have a car). She sent me a list of 36 items...things like pistachios, chocolate bars, flowers...I just said that I can’t possibly do this as I have to get items for my mother and my child (essential items). So I got her 10 essentials and she was ok with it.

Op, can I ask ? I have signed up to be a volunteer & I’m on goodsam. Is somebody allocated to you? I’ve not received anything yet

Hi she could be a bit more grateful. My Tesco was low stock today they all doing their best. Op she sounds a nightmare. They do get set in their ways some of them.

Take a picture of the bare shelves and the queues. Let her see what it’s like out there in the big bad world. Also tell her things are getting more expensive by the day due to shortages and ask do you just not but it if the price changes.

Funky, I am crying with laughter here at your dialogue!

Almost word for word from conversations I've had with my late grandmother. Usually ending with me saying something along the lines of me saying 'Tell you what Gran, I l'll see if there got a broom in B&Q that way I can shove it up my arse and give your drive a sweep as I'm coming down the driveway with your shopping'

Please just stop. It sounds like your local system isnt well set up. I'm a coordinator for our group. We will help everyone that is in need but we are clear that people cannot be specific. We will get what they need in general e.g. cleaning spray, toilet paper, potatoes but we can not get specific brands/flavours etc. Everyone we support is made aware of this and non of the volunteers have to pay. We organise the shop and then a volunteer to collect and deliver. The government packages certainly wont be tailored to individual preferences only specific needs e.g. gluten free. Volunteering on top of every day life is hard please dont do it of it is putting additional pressure on you. It should be something that makes you feel good

Or are you just over reacting, ignoring the good she had done, over a slightly clumsily-worded title?

Title's been changed - phew - but I always think it's a good idea to interchange eg 'black' when we want to use a word referring to someone's age. It's easy to see then if it's 'off'.

Eg someone posted upthread: 'a little old man'. If black is inserted for old, you can see the original sentence is off. Especially with the little at the beginning. Would we say, for instance, a little young man?

OP,, you need to get out of this situ. Really. You're risking your health for this woman. Let someone else do it who can manage her expectations better. Well done for being so kind though , you star

What a difficult situation.She's probably frustrated and exerting control over you as a result.Surely she's just a difficult person and you should report that back to the coordinator who presumably looks after this service.
I thought the idea was that emergency basic shopping and medical supplies were got for people, not a huge list of individual requirements.

Only read first & last pages, but could you just ask to volunteer-shop for someone else? That way your good intentions can be satisfied & someone else can have Mrs Difficult, or she can go without.

😮 OP sounds just like my mother! She is truly ungrateful & very entitled

I would switch grandma. It's not like she's a family member that you have to contend with. Big ups for you to do this op top of your work. My husband did the shopping for the week and it was a big lo and behold that he managed to get actual food - any food - and half the things were stuff I actually I liked. The old lady is blind to the situation. You are putting yourself at risk for her and she is ungrateful.

I think you just need to withdraw as a volunteer. Whether you volunteer or not is totally your choice and I personally wouldn't do it if someone was behaving in that manner.