To want to withdraw as a volunteer?

[ladylovesmilktray]

I am working full time but have contacted my local council who delivered leaflets asking for people who may help the vulnerable and elderly. For the last two weeks I have been helping with the shopping for an elderly lady distant from her family but it is getting too much. I am going three times a week to the shops for her but each time she gives me a list of multiple shops - today was boots, home bargains and aldi - all with individual long queues for really specific items that just aren't available. When I get the next best thing, say strawberry yogurt because cherry is sold out for example, when i take them back she refuses to pay as it wasn't what she wanted. This has happened lots of times now! I just end up having these items. Like flash spray not Dettol spray because she hates bleach when on the list it just said cleaning spray! This is becoming a nightmare with my job and my own jobs and health but I don't want to leave her in the lurch. The original councillor is no help!

^ to @JeSuisPoulet

What you need to do is explain the situation to her, quite clearly.

Let her know you work full time.
Let her know that not all shops are fully stocked at the moment.
Let her know that most shops are restricting the numbers they allow in - this isn't just a case of 'popping in to a shop' like it might be under normal circumstances.

Tell her you can't carry on as you are. Tell her that you are willing to get her anything you can from the supermarket, once a week, when you do your weekly shop, but that you aren't prepared to - or, indeed, aren't able, or willing to break Government guidelines - by traipsing round several shops. Nor are you willing to be out of pocket for things that she is then rejecting after you've bought them.
Tell her you would like to help her, but she has to be realistic, and accept substitutions or be really clear on the list she doesn't want a substitution for x or y if not available.

I think there is a certain amount of you having been FAR too accommodating and she hasn't grasped how difficult it is. So you need to tell her. If she then wants to be funny about it, then you say that is what is on offer, or the other option is you don't shop for her any longer.

What a lovely thing to do op when you are already busy I would ring the organiser and explain maybe there is some else who could see to this lady and you could possibly help someone else

She is being unreasonable but maybe she doesn’t understand we are all supposed to not be making unnecessary trips out so it’s one shop for everything and probably doesn’t understand difficultly in getting particular items

Until the whole country was on lockdown my elderly mother with a dicky ticker respiratory problems was still helping at school going out etc because she thought this would all blow over no amount of talking to her or explaining worked

I have sympathy for you, OP.
Some people can be extraordinarily ungrateful..To quote Dad's Army ''There's a war on''....and the usual things aren't buyable.

My DS got some food for me as a surprise and left it on my doorstep..I was so grateful..
It isn't her 'age' as much as her personality...
Maybe she feels frustrated she can't get to the shops herself, but nothing is easy to get like it once was.

She should be grateful that someone else is trudging round the stupourmarkets buying her stuff.

Urgh...the sooner we return to normal, the better, for us all. {Captain Obvious}

Someone’s already said it but I just wanted to say again what a nice person you are to do what you’re doing. I know you’re struggling and clearly the person you’re helping is a bit of a nightmare but honestly, you must be lovely to do as much for her as you have!

Sharonas not all OAP's but a lot. Many probably wouldn't admit it now though due to social shaming, but they were all over social media - even on Gogglebox and the news pretending it didn't bother them.

How on earth does she need so much?
The 2 elderly folk I shop for don’t use enough that would warrant multiple shops/trips.
There was another similar thread and the OP had someone with ridiculous requests and she was told she was selfish not to get their organic raspberry gin 🤣

I'd have a conversation and ask if, if the shop doesn't have what she wants, if she'd rather you get the closest alternative or just skip that item. Make it clear that you will not be trying every shop in town in an attempt to find the exact item. Also set limits on how many times per week you can go. Make some ground rules, basically.

If that doesn't work I'd ring the council and ask if they can find someone else to help that person, and find you a different person to help.

My parents area but like this. Keep asking people to go to the shops daily for a paper and not really getting it at all.

smile we're rural so we get a lot of things like meat, eggs etc from local farms anyway. I usually go to an Aldi and then a quick dash through whichever big supermarket is quieter/ better stocked, so get my rations from both. Also being rural everyone always has stores in anyway, so we can take it in turns to have anything really limited to replenish. Eg only got one bag of flour last week when we all wanted some, so the family with none got it. Of course it helps when you all know each other and everyone is lovely.

Three times a week for voluntary assistance seems really excessive to me - apart from the multiple shops.

Maybe speak to her about it and explain your issue with it (including as others have said you are putting yourself at risk every time you go out) and her being difficult about alternatives. Make a proposal - like you will go once a week, to one shop (and maybe the chemist if she has ongoing medication needs) and that you agree if something is out of stock you won't buy anything else because she has been unwilling to pay and you are out of pocket.

If you can agree those ground rules, it maybe managable.

If she's not wiling to agree, then explain to the council and withdraw either from volunteering for her or completely depend on how you feel.

Agree with previous posters. One supermarket shop a week is an incredibly kind thing to do for someone right now. Tell her you can't go to 3 different places/3 different days. One list, one shop. You've got your own stuff to buy and your own health to consider. For all she knows you could be shopping for 10 other people, all wanting you to "pop" to multiple places. She is being unreasonable. But... you should probably have a frank chat first before giving up altogether.

I understand. I experience this in a regular basis.
Some people are just really hard work and it all adds to the stress at this difficult time.

is very tricky now that you stepped up but perhaps you could point out to her that you're only allowed to go to one shop per week and tell her that you will get a certain amount of items in that shop, on that day, if she can organise herself a list for you (from that shop only)

You sound fed up and I'm not surprised. You've done lots already, this particular lady sounds really unreasonable, but you've done your bit so I don't think anyone could criticise you if you decided enough was enough.

It is very kind of you to do it but you need to be clear - one trip to one supermarket each week. Ask her whether you should buy alternatives if what she asks for isn’t available and don’t hand it over until you are paid.

She sounds a bit demanding!
And the fact she refuses to pay and sending you here there and everywhere just shows her lack of appreciation. One trip a week will be fine!

Do you know the organisers irl? If you don’t and still get nowhere after this advice, I’d be tempted to say you are isolating for 14 days then refuse to take her back on. Someone else will have started helping her. It’s probably easier if you set the ground rules from the start with a new person.

You sound lovely. She is massively unfair even if the shops weren’t quasi war zones.

Speak to the organiser. There is no way you should be doing any more than one shop a week per person you're matched with.
You need the organiser to speak to her about this - don't try and do it yourself - I'd ask them to match you with someone else tbh.

My mum was a 'multi-shopper' when she was independent. She'd scan the papers for prices and would go to 5 different shops to get the 'best' prices and sometimes would spend as much in petrol as the money she saved. But she was so proud of getting those bargains!

When she stopped driving (and after a few marathon days in multiple shops) I finally told her that I would take her to her TWO local markets (both major US chains) and that was it. If she had to pay $.50 more for toilet roll or get a different brand of dish soap, so be it.

You need to put your foot down if you want to continue. Tell her that you will go to of shops and will buy reasonable necessities only. If she wants a certain brand (or hates a certain brand) she can name it, but if they don't have that brand or if they only have the brand she hates, you will skip that particular item.

It's up to you to set the limits. It's up to her to accept them or say your services are no longer needed.

I'd give her a good telling off.
Either she co-operates - or she's on her own.

Some old people are so, so, so painfully selfish.

Tell her to pack it in - she doesn't get to make you miserable because she is in need. Tell her one shop per week and if she is not going to pay for substitutes don't get them at all.

So you are doing her shopping, possible exposing yourself and you family to the virus and she is refusing to pay because you didn’t get exactly what she imagined but didn’t put in the list? Feck that, I wouldn’t want to help an ungrateful mega bitch whatever her age.

I was just thinking today what would a volunteer do if someone is asking them to do too much with all the queues and everything.

As a pp suggested, contact the council you are volunteering with or the person running the group you are with or if not do what
oncemorewithfeeling99 said her group does, say you can only shop for basics and you will get extra on the list if possible.
Sorry that posters have just taken one part of your post and not the rest, you are doing a really good thing to help.

Many parents are the worst, sadly. They think the world owes them and their kids everything. Then you have the selfish kids who are greedily waiting on their parents' inheritance. I can't blame their elderly parents for sometimes being picky and selfish when the under 50s are so entitled and out for themselves (on the whole). It's a sad world we live in.