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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very elderly shopping in Sainsburys today!

309 replies

ohdearmissus · 31/03/2020 15:48

AIBU to feel unusually angry when seeing elderly (80's90's) shopping in Sainsburys today?
Angry enough to be posting here in aibu for the 1st time.
I realise that I am probably naive..but the elderly that I know are self isolating and being responsible...following the instructions we have been given..
I understand that they are likely aware of the risks...but I am trying to work out if I am raging because I'm thinking that if they do become ill..they will expect to be cared for by the nhs.
Quite simply..of the people that I saw today..if they catch coronavirus...baring a miracle...it will be the end for them..Maybe what has made me so angry is that if people are clearly not following the advice (I had thought that most were)...then this is going to continue to spread.
We all have to do our bit.
Happy to be told iabu..but trying to calm myself down by posting here!

OP posts:
TimeAintNothing · 31/03/2020 15:50

YABU.

Home delivery slots are scarce and not everyone has friends/neighbours able to help them, or indeed wants to ask for help.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/03/2020 15:51

People do their own risk assessment.

Cupcakegirl13 · 31/03/2020 15:51

Maybe they have no one to buy food for them and are not aware of support groups as these are largely publicised in social media

EyeSoLated · 31/03/2020 15:52

YAB massively U !

Seventytwoseventythree · 31/03/2020 15:52

I suppose they may not have a choice if they have no family of friends to get food for them and delivery slots are unavailable (or they are not tech savvy enough to arrange them)? My elderly mum lives at the other end of the country and is doing her best to isolate but she has to buy food. Both she and I have been trying to get delivery slots for her since lock down started but it was not possible. The slots have recently started opening up a hit more now but it’s still over a week until she can get anything delivered.

JustStayAtHome · 31/03/2020 15:53

i feel like that when i see kids in there

EyeSoLated · 31/03/2020 15:53

raging because I'm thinking that if they do become ill..they will expect to be cared for by the nhs.

And?? So would you!!

TimeAintNothing · 31/03/2020 15:53

People do their own risk assessment

This too.

The shops are much quieter than usual, social distancing is in place, they probably figured their chances of catching it are low.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 31/03/2020 15:53

Tell you what, OP, you give them your phone number and volunteer to do the shopping for them, because I doing very much that they’re doing it out of choice. Would they were like the poor old man who didn’t eat for a week, because he had no one to help him and died of the virus?

sudocremanglaise · 31/03/2020 15:54
Confused

The elderly haven’t been told to isolate unless they have conditions putting them in the extremely vulnerable category or they have symptoms - the same as everyone else. They are advised to be particularly rigorous in their care and avoiding others, like other people in the vulnerable category, but they haven’t been told to stay at home all of the time.

How else are they supposed to get food?!

Yogawoogie · 31/03/2020 15:54

How are they supposed to get food if there’s no delivery slots (possibly no access to the internet either) and they don’t have anyone to shop for them?

Don’t be angry at the elderly, be angry that we live in a society that has left vulnerable people to put themselves in danger.

Northernsoullover · 31/03/2020 15:55

I'm not angry when I see the elderly shopping. It does make me upset though. My local co op tried to help by giving elderly customers a leaflet with a number on pointing to the volunteers.
A woman came into the co op spitting feathers saying they shouldn't have done this. It turned out to be her daughter. Why the bloody hell couldn't she have done it ?

isabellerossignol · 31/03/2020 15:55

Yes, absolutely. The elderly should have the good manners to stay home and starve to death instead.

LoveFameTragedy · 31/03/2020 15:55

What bit of advice were they not following though? Many people that age are not able to use online shops, and they may not have been able to get there for the early slots for older people.

Redglitter · 31/03/2020 15:56

YABVVU. Theyre probably out through necessity rather than choice. Not every elderly person is lucky enough to have someone who can do their shopping for them

CoffeeRunner · 31/03/2020 15:56

I work with the elderly (in an NHS hospital although that’s not particularly relevant to this post), and a lot are telling me that they aren’t especially scared of catching Covid-19.

They have lived through so much already, this is just another thing. They aren’t going to be getting scared or changing their habits for anything at this point.

Obviously that’s not ALL older people. But an opinion I’ve heard several times. Which may go part way to explaining why you will still see this age group out & about.

Insideallday · 31/03/2020 15:56

YABU. For saying off they get sick they expect the NHS to look after them.

Maybe they don’t have anyone to help, they might not have access to online shopping.

Instead of ranting, why don’t you think ‘what can I do to help to ensure they don’t have to leave their homes?’

PanicOnTheStreets85 · 31/03/2020 15:56

Well apparently the latest in the Lancet is that it's a mortality rate of 7.8% for those over 80. Although I did also hear that nearly half of people in that group will need to be hospitalised.

Whether you are being reasonable or not depends on the circumstances I think. If they were needlessly popping out for a paper and a chat, then I think that would be unwise and irresponsible. If they were going for essentials and haven't been able to order online then what are they supposed to do?

I did get a bit frustrated when a man who appeared to be in his 80s walked up right next to (ie not keeping the 6ft distance) last time I was at the supermarket though.

earlgreynomilk · 31/03/2020 15:57

You seriously can't imagine why they might be shopping?

Delivery slots are nearly impossible to get hold of in many areas and some very elderly people are not able to manage to IT side of this anyway. There are many older people out there with no family or other support and no one they can ask to do their shopping for them. Unlikely they are on FB to be aware of support groups too!

Spied · 31/03/2020 15:57

YABU.
I could have cried at the sight of the elderly people stood in the queue at the elderly/vulnerable time slot yesterday.
(I'm vulnerable category which is why I was there).
I wish I had transport and could have done all their shopping for them.
They weren't out on a jolly. Each and every face looked sad, worried and stressed and am sure they would rather have been at home.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 31/03/2020 15:57

Seventytwoseventythree

Have you tried looking on Facebook for any groups that can help. We have a who is delivering? Northern Ireland. It’s an absolutely brilliant resource and you can get groceries, bread, eggs, etc, delivered from small local shops. Hopefully you can find something local to your mum.

Samcro · 31/03/2020 15:58

the elderly are still people and need food.

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/03/2020 15:58

The mortality rate for the over 80s that require hospital treatment is 8-14%. Most of the people over 80 who get this virus recover without needing hospital treatment, and most recover even when they need urgent hospital treatment. Most countries don’t tend to offer icu to the over 80s anyway as they are unlikely to survive it no matter how healthy they are.

PenisBeakerDipper · 31/03/2020 15:58

If they can’t use the internet, struggle to get out and about during the early shopping hours and don’t have any family nearby (or don’t want to impose), what on earth are they meant to do? Do you realise for many old people that the cashier might be the only people they speak to all week? Can you imagine the prospect of not even a “hello” from another human being for months?

SunnySomer · 31/03/2020 15:59

My dad - who is elderly but not as elderly as the people you saw - also went shopping today. He lives alone - nowhere near any family - and I really don’t think phone calls are making up for the social isolation he is feeling.
He said to me today “if I get it I don’t want them wasting any ventilators on me. Pandemics are nature’s way of reducing excess population.”
He reckons we’ll all lose our minds, not to mention economic meltdown before isolation makes a difference.
I guess you’re free to feel as angry as you like, but there’s usually a reason people do the things they do.