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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very elderly shopping in Sainsburys today!

309 replies

ohdearmissus · 31/03/2020 15:48

AIBU to feel unusually angry when seeing elderly (80's90's) shopping in Sainsburys today?
Angry enough to be posting here in aibu for the 1st time.
I realise that I am probably naive..but the elderly that I know are self isolating and being responsible...following the instructions we have been given..
I understand that they are likely aware of the risks...but I am trying to work out if I am raging because I'm thinking that if they do become ill..they will expect to be cared for by the nhs.
Quite simply..of the people that I saw today..if they catch coronavirus...baring a miracle...it will be the end for them..Maybe what has made me so angry is that if people are clearly not following the advice (I had thought that most were)...then this is going to continue to spread.
We all have to do our bit.
Happy to be told iabu..but trying to calm myself down by posting here!

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 31/03/2020 15:59

YABVU
Over 70 are “vulnerable” and they have NOT been directed to shield/isolate. They have only been directed to be especially mindful of social distancing. You are mistaken.

They don’t qualify for the extra help that the “extremely vulnerable” who were directed to shield/isolate are supposed to get (many are struggling to find this extra help).

How else are they supposed to get their food?

maddy68 · 31/03/2020 16:00

My mum is in her 80s. She hadn't been able to get a delivery slot noone lives bear her. What else is she supposed to do. She's extremely stressed about it too

somegoodnewsforonce · 31/03/2020 16:00

Is this a joke?

stayathomer · 31/03/2020 16:00

Yabu its lovely qll the initiatives you hear of to help the elderly but anything I've heard of are online and most family I know that are oaps aren't online at all. If they have no family and no local initiatives then that's it. If they need food, they have to g o out for it

airforsharon · 31/03/2020 16:00

They are in the age group least likely to have internet access, therefore least likely to be able to shop online. And given supermarket delivery slots are like hen's teeth just now, that's not something any of us can rely on.
As a society we've never been more distanced and detached from our neighbours and relatives. Perhaps the elderly you see out and about simply have no family locally to ask to help - and don't feel they CAN ask for help from neighbours who might be, to all intents and purposes, strangers.
Don't be angry with them, but maybe consider the way we live our lives now leaves many of our older citizens isolated and vulnerable, and they just manage the best they can.

Boulshired · 31/03/2020 16:01

We have an elderly couple in my street they have been offered by lots of neighbours and always politely refuse. People have left food parcels and they leave them outside and go shopping together everyday. They both have walking frames and look in the 80s/90s.

onanothertrain · 31/03/2020 16:01

They haven't been told to self isolate, as far as I know the initial talk of anyone over 70 having to self isolate for 12 weeks wasn't actually in the government guidance. Of course they're entitled to care if they catch it Confused although they're probably unlikely to get an ICU bed. Would you rather they starved to death?

PotholeParadise · 31/03/2020 16:01

Happy to be told iabu..but trying to calm myself down by posting here!

There isn't much point, is there?

If you're old enough to have children and join MN, and yet can't manage to work out for yourself that they might not have a choice in going out to the supermarket if they want to eat, a couple of YABUs aren't going to remedy the situation.

The habit's set, isn't it? You're just going to continue being unthinkingly judgemental, aren't you?

BrightYellowDaffodil · 31/03/2020 16:01

So what alternative do you propose? Have them shot on sight?

PolloDePrimavera · 31/03/2020 16:01

YABU! When they're cavorting around the streets and having house parties, then you have a right to object. Maybe they were buying stuff for a house party...

Tini17 · 31/03/2020 16:01

YABU
Is this a joke post?

Adoptthisdogornot · 31/03/2020 16:01

I expect they've paid more in taxes than you, (or certainly for longer) isn't their entitlement to the NHS the same as anyone else? What makes your right to live more important than theirs exactly? If they need to go out shopping, then they go out shopping just like you, no reason for you to get yourself in a froth about it. I think YABVU.

Ginfordinner · 31/03/2020 16:02

Maybe they have no one to buy food for them and are not aware of support groups as these are largely publicised in social media

I'm pretty sure that this ^^ will mostly be the case. I was chatting to one of the staff in our local shop yesterday (keeping my distance) and she said that it is mostly the elderly who just don't "get" social distancing. She says that a lot of her elderly customers just aren't aware of either what is happening or just how serious it is. Some of her customers don't even have a TV, let alone a computer or other access to online information.

She was asking a policeman who had stopped by to get some lunch how to tackle this, and he told her to put larger notices in the shop window.

Elouera · 31/03/2020 16:02

There are multiple issue here, many of which have been pointed out by others. Maybe YOU should have offered to help these older people and do the shopping for them! You clearly have never worked with elderly or vulnerable people.

  • Even for those with internet access, not everyone can get a delivery slot, IF you can, it may not be for 3 weeks
  • They might have no family or non living nearby or even in this country
  • My grandparents wouldn't have asked for help from anyone! They lived through the war, became resourceful for themselves and wouldn't think to bother others!
  • Some people take medication which needs to be taken at a certain time, and then takes an hour or so to kick in. In some cases this is to enable people to walk about with less pain, improve cognition and memory etc. Not ALL older people are physically able to get to the shops at the dedicated 'elderly/vulnerable' time slots
  • Again, if you don't have the internet to check, some may not even be aware what time their local shop does the special hour.
  • They may have had to travel by bus to get to that supermarket, and especially with cuts to public transport, that was the earliest they could get there.
P1nkHeartLovesCake · 31/03/2020 16:03

I went shopping end of last week and saw on older gentleman, he was walking with 2 sticks, very uneasy in his feet and trying to carry his 1 bag of shopping.

I can only imagine he has no family to shop for him and he doesn’t want to ask the local volunteer service & very few can get an online shop slot currently.

People should be allowed free will though, shouldn’t they? Like with smoking you are told you might get cancer and die yet some smoke anyway. People are allowed to make a risk assessment for themselves

CuppaZa · 31/03/2020 16:03

YABU. Noone can seem to get online deliveries. Even people registered as extremely vulnerable. There are many, many elderly and vulnerable with absolutely no one around them. Many aren’t on Facebook so they can’t join groups. What on earth are they supposed to do? Starve to death?
I don’t like seeing vulnerable people out and I am shielding with my high risk daughter, I do worry about vulnerable having to go out, but instead of ranting on here, why don’t you see if there’s anything you can do to help? Join a volunteer group? Do shopping for elderly neighbours? The more people that stay in the less it’s going to spread.
Your statement wondering about whether they expect to receive NHS help is disgusting.

Aragog · 31/03/2020 16:03

Not all very elderly have family near enough who can visit them (or rather drop off) with shopping.

Not all have carers to do that either.

Not all have the capability to do online shopping. Not all have family or friends who can organise it for them either. Plus there are limited delivery slots available, if any.

Over 70s are in an 'at risk' group but not being shielded - not in terms of getting the official letter - unless hey have specific medical concerns, therefore not entitled to the local authority or Government extra help, which is also not available in all areas.

You are naive to think that everyone has someone who can provide a food service for them.

knittingaddict · 31/03/2020 16:03

A couple of weeks ago I might have agreed with you. Not now.

It's almost impossible for people to get food deliveries because companies are swamped with new customers. The communications between those that need food and those that supply it seem to be broken. Many older people don't have family members locally who can help them out. They need food and sometimes that means braving the shops.

Having said all that, my parents are causing us immense frustration right now. My mum has dementia and my dad is stubborn and thoughtless. My brother, who is local, has offered to do the shopping for them, but they won't have it. They have a 30 minute plus walk into town and get a taxi back. They are both blind and I don't think my dad has a clue about social distancing. I'm doing an online delivery for them from Wiltshire Farm Foods, but that doesn't cover all their needs by any means. I think my dad is finally realising what the reality is of life in the midst of a pandemic, but we are playing catch up now. They are both in their 80's and I don't expect them to survive if they get it.

I suspect the vast majority of elderly people do get it and are either self isolating or doing only what they must to get the food they need.

TheFaerieQueene · 31/03/2020 16:04

FFS OP. Think about it. Many very elderly people have no one else to help, don’t have the internet or understand technology and certainly don’t trust paying for things on line, are too proud to ask for help. It isn’t difficult to work this out, but hey, why not come on here to bitch anyway. Jesus.

SlippedRoofTile · 31/03/2020 16:04

The new volunteer service will provide people to shop for them, if they sign up to the service. This is in the process of being set up now

Original poster
ohdearmissus · 31/03/2020 16:05

Thank you for your replies..
I am clearly guilty of believing what I have been told by the politicians/ media..that there is help available for all of those who need it...So that those who have been told to self isolate are able to. Clearly from your replies..that is not the case..I stand corrected.

For the poster who suggested that I volunteer to help those who need shopping collecting myself...I do...and was doing just that this morning.
Thanks

OP posts:
CarolHasAnotherUTI · 31/03/2020 16:06

Yabu.

I suggest you read the guidelines. I attached the relevant bit to save you having to search.

Very elderly shopping in Sainsburys today!
EmpressMaudie · 31/03/2020 16:06

You're not being unreasonable to worry, but nor are they being unreasonable having made their own risk assessment and shopping for reasons already listed by previous posters.

My elderly grandmother is having her groceries delivered by family, others might not have, or want, that option.

ArriettyJones · 31/03/2020 16:06

If you have no food, you will eventually venture out to buy some.

Nobody is going to obediently sit indoors and slowly starve to death.

In MN-land everyone has vast extended families locally, plus cheery armies of helpful villagers rushing to the aid of the vulnerable.

Back in the real world various groups, - including completely solo parents and isolated elderly - lack options and are facing difficult choices.

SarahTancredi · 31/03/2020 16:06

Are you serious.

A bit of food shopping and a small walk to the shops may be the last bit of independence they have. They may more feel comfortable handing over their money or opening doors to strangers.

It's bad enough for us when we can face time or text, I dread to think of the isolation many elderly now face. What we take for granted and see as inconvenience ( going to a shop) may be their lifeline.