Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

Very elderly shopping in Sainsburys today!

309 replies

ohdearmissus · 31/03/2020 15:48

AIBU to feel unusually angry when seeing elderly (80's90's) shopping in Sainsburys today?
Angry enough to be posting here in aibu for the 1st time.
I realise that I am probably naive..but the elderly that I know are self isolating and being responsible...following the instructions we have been given..
I understand that they are likely aware of the risks...but I am trying to work out if I am raging because I'm thinking that if they do become ill..they will expect to be cared for by the nhs.
Quite simply..of the people that I saw today..if they catch coronavirus...baring a miracle...it will be the end for them..Maybe what has made me so angry is that if people are clearly not following the advice (I had thought that most were)...then this is going to continue to spread.
We all have to do our bit.
Happy to be told iabu..but trying to calm myself down by posting here!

OP posts:

sudocremanglaise · 31/03/2020 16:26

All over 70s have been told to isolate

No, they haven’t. They have been advised to do ‘rigorous social distancing’.

Only the 1.5 million in the extremely vulnerable category have been told to isolate (shield) for 12 weeks at least, plus isolation for any household displaying symptoms.

gnushoes · 31/03/2020 16:28

You can't get a delivery slot for love nor money. 2. The elderly? Dehumanising much? They're still people. They're just what YOU'LL be in future, OP. Now think about it that way.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 31/03/2020 16:29

YABU, everyone has t make their own risk assessment and most elderly people are capable of making informed choices.

It may not be the choice you would make but that doesn't mean they haven't considered the consequences for themselves.

Windyone · 31/03/2020 16:31

@sudocremanglaise has put it very succinctly and correctly. There are obviously many volunteer groups available to help. My 86 year old Father had no idea how to access help. No leaflet through the door or similar to tell him. If he didn’t have me then I think he would be going out shopping every few days.

BIWI · 31/03/2020 16:31

@ohdearmissus

I am trying to work out if I am raging because I'm thinking that if they do become ill..they will expect to be cared for by the nhs.

And I'm sure that you will expect to be cared for by the NHS if you contract the virus - which you may well do seeing as you were also ut shopping

Maybe what has made me so angry is that if people are clearly not following the advice (I had thought that most were)...then this is going to continue to spread

What advice? The advice for everyone is to go out as infrequently as possible, for essential shopping. Which part of that do you think they were not following?

Why do you have a right to be in the supermarket and they don't?

Why are you posting such offensive, ageist shit?

SarahTancredi · 31/03/2020 16:32

You can't get a delivery slot for love nor money

Many elderly dont want delivery anyway. Maybe arthritis or stroke etc has made operating a computer difficult. Maybe their eyesight means they struggle to see what on the site/what size they are buying etc.

Theres usually a minimum spend on orders which a single elderly person may struggle to fulfill.

Shopping keeps people active and can be the only human contact they get

poshme · 31/03/2020 16:33

I have spent my day fielding calls and emails from elderly & vulnerable people who are running out of food.

YABVVVVU

bigbluebus · 31/03/2020 16:33

I live in a village where every house has had leaflets put through their door with phone numbers where people can get help/errands. This was co-ordinated by one woman as soon as the 12 week isolation was suggested. Most help for people in other areas is on Next Door or Facebook - something that a lot of over 70's don't use - so even if help if available locally they won't necessarily know about it.

One of my elderly neighbours is getting deliveries for food but i am collecting her prescriptions. The GP surgery has changed the arrangements at least 4 times in 2 weeks and put the notices about changes on Facebook. The older people don't see them!

Bottletopsx · 31/03/2020 16:34

Don't be so cruel. They may have no one to shop for them and of course they should be looked after by the NHS do you think just because they are old they are not worth the care? Shame on you.

PineappleDanish · 31/03/2020 16:34

They probably have no choice.

My parents are late 70s. Both my sister and I live hours away. No other relatives nearby. Wouldn't know where to start with internet, emails, online shopping. They are limiting their trips to Tesco but have to shop or they'd starve.

Amotherof6 · 31/03/2020 16:35

IMO and my experience is that some elderly are ignoring advice.

We are isolating I have a person shopping for us. Reported that shopping is difficult with groups of elderly standing around and not joining the 2m distance outside. I have seen more elderly walk past my house than usual. The couple across the road never went out for walks... they are always out now and stand around gossiping with others taking their 'walks' no not a curtain 'twitcher' my kitchen window looks towards the street and when washing up, cooking etc see them... quite frustrating really but ultimately their own choice

EasyTarget · 31/03/2020 16:36

My gran is 87. She will not be told. Says her life isn't worth living without going out and that we are all too scared, and that she won't be scared of a virus. She's bloody minded and refuses.

I think she probably doesn't care if this takes her.

She's blind and doesn't even have mobile let alone a computer or the internet. We're doing our best to get her deliveries and persuade her to stay put etc.

I don't agree with her, just saying what her attitude is.

playthestation · 31/03/2020 16:36

following the instructions we have been given..

Which is social distancing. Which the supermarkets are helping us achieve by putting g spacing on floors etc.

Happy to be told iabu..but trying to calm myself down by posting here!

YABU both to be annoyed at people buying food and for needing to calm down over it. Seriously WTF, people need food

Fernie6491 · 31/03/2020 16:38

Yes YABU , my husband and I are in our 70's, no family living locally, and neighbours busy trying to sort their children, no slots for click and collect or home delivery for over 4 weeks. So we're sorry, we have no choice but to shop for ourselves. Should we stay in and starve ( and to quote Charles Dickens 'decrease the surplus population' ) to relieve the strain on you when you're trying to shop too? Get a grip!

TheReluctantCountess · 31/03/2020 16:38

My parents are in their 80s. I live 200 miles away, and I’m the closest family member to them. I’ve been unable to get an online delivery slot for them, and I’ve tried to sign them up for a local volunteer-run help group, but they have no one available. So there’s no choice for my parents but to go shopping themselves.

thereplycamefromanchorage · 31/03/2020 16:39

If they have noone to shop for them, how else are they supposed to get food? A lot of volunteering schemes are being set up, but it doesn't mean everyone knows how to access them. yabvvu and quite ignorant.

ArriettyJones · 31/03/2020 16:39

“Anger” is such an inappropriate thing to feel towards those facing the most challenges.

There’s been a lot of it this week on MN towards single parents trying to secure food supplies.

Now the elderly are in the firing line too.

Some of you need to exercise your imagination and your empathy.

pigsDOfly · 31/03/2020 16:41

Speaking as an over 70 year old OP, I'm sorry if the elderly are causing you annoyance. But like you and everyone else, they have to eat and many, many of them have no one to shop for them.

Even if they have access to the internet and know about having shopping delivered they will not be able to get a delivery slots, because they are rarer than hens teeth.

Have you any idea how many elderly people live alone and often don't see anyone else from one week to the next. Some are lucky and normally would have their lunch clubs to go to, but they have all shut down and so they don't even have that outlet now.

How dare all these feckless old wrinklies go out and shop for food. Bastards would all stay at home and starve if they had any consideration for the rest of society, and as for expecting the NHS to care for them if they get covid, well words fail me.

SarahInAccounts · 31/03/2020 16:43

What a spiteful post.

Until the supermarkets sorts out the delivery problem then the elderly will have to shop. If it annoys you that much offer to do it for them.

TDogsInHats · 31/03/2020 16:43

You are not being unreasonable to worry about this age group. I think we were given mixed messages ie over 70s should cocoon for the next three months. We've to protect our elderly people.
And then slots are opened up in the supermarket for NHS workers and the vulnerable..at the same time of day. Although I think that's probably been rectified.
I have an elderly mum and we've persuaded her not to venture out at all. She's lucky in having a large amount of children who live really close and can chat from outside her house and bleach wipe her shopping before we leave it for her.
I'm on your side OP.

ittakes2 · 31/03/2020 16:43

Next time you see an elderly person shopping ask them if they have someone to do it for them. Maybe they don’t. Maybe you could help them or find them a support group locally to do it. A neighbour thoughtfully started up a WhatsApp group so the healthy could help the elderly - but not all people have someone as kind as my neighbour.

TDogsInHats · 31/03/2020 16:46

We visit one at a time, one visitor per day and have hot meals on wheels delivery set up prior to this virus pandemic. She has dementia and our one visit is crucial in ensuring she doesn't "pop out" for anything.

thereplycamefromanchorage · 31/03/2020 16:48

@TDogsInHats, so what's your response to someone who unlike your mum is over 70 and has no family or friends to help them, and no resources to be able to find someone? I assure you, this situation is quite common, so of course you are going to see over 70s out shopping, mostly out of necessity!

saraclara · 31/03/2020 16:48

The people in that age group are the generation whose kids(like me) had to move around the country to get jobs, so aren't on hand to help them. And they're unlikely to be internet savvy.
I'm 'lucky' in the sense that my mum and MIL are in care homes, so I don't have to worry about how they'll cope 100/150 miles away from me and their other children.
I have an auntie (single, childless), aged 90, who is also 100 miles away. Fortunately she is extremely young for her age and has a good support system through her church, and a very helpful next door neighbour. But if it wasn't for those things, what could she do?

The government can SAY that help is available, but people in their 80s with no support will not know how to access it.

Getting angry with those people is VVU.

Daftarchie · 31/03/2020 16:49

Why was anger your first instinct and not empathy?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13