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Original poster

Where is the worse place you have farted ?

209 replies

Femail · 30/03/2020 00:34

Mine has to be at work and in front of a customer. I tried to hold it in but it just popped out and was very loud. Luckily the customer burst out laughing and we both ended up with tears in eyes as was quite funny. I apologised and she said was no problem Grin
Where is the worst place you have farted in ?

OP posts:
Wauden · 30/03/2020 21:46

At work. I just brazened it out Blush

DiaDino · 30/03/2020 21:51

I farted and followed through in a club smoking area in Birmingham city centre when I was younger. Most unpleasant.

Davidbowiestrousers · 30/03/2020 21:55

Oh well I had this boyfriend I had been seeing a few weeks. He was pretty full on and had I think Autism. Anyway he insisted on coming to my karate class with me. He said he had always had an interest in it.

He was completely over the top, made me look a fool in front of my instructor. I could feel my face going red and I just got so angry I......................

sqirrelfriends · 30/03/2020 21:57

I'm loving these.

Mine was when I was in my first proper job after uni, I had to work fairly closely with an absolutely beautiful man and it was fairly awkward as he made me blush. Anyway, I was leaving late one night all the light off, headphones in and as I bounded down the stairs I let popped out a series of farts every time I hit a step. I got out the door from the stairwell, turned around to make sure the door locked behind me and who was there but fit guy from my office.

He was lovely and never said anything, but working together was a hell of a lot more awkward after that.

GoosetheCat · 30/03/2020 22:16

@Davidbowiestrousers 😂😂👏👏👏

TitsInAbsentia · 30/03/2020 22:27

@OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow

shatsneezed

I am howling at that one!!

Bibijayne · 30/03/2020 22:28

Inside a dalek at the Llangollen exhibition when I was 14.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 30/03/2020 22:42

I also once walked into a cloud of vile stink when I went to see a lovely sweet colleague at his desk.

I was asking him something that he had to look up while I waited, so I had to try and stop my eyes watering at the smell!

I think we both knew that I knew what he'd done.

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 30/03/2020 22:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

sweetheartyparty · 30/03/2020 22:57

In a busy but very quiet bookshop. I stayed for a little while pretending to engrossed in the book before I made a quick getaway. I was hoping its wouldnt look obvious who had dealt it but I'm pretty sure the half dozen people around me knew who was the culprit

ArkAtEee · 30/03/2020 23:03

At a yoga class, during a quiet moment. That's happened to me more than once, actually.

mamansnet · 30/03/2020 23:06

Taking a train with new boyfriend (now DH) after a long boozy weekend meeting his family. I was exhausted from the late night party that I dozed off on my seat. I can't sleep sitting up so I was curled into a ball to be more comfortable.

Being half asleep and my arse pointed out into an open space meant there was no restraint or anything to dampen or disguise the long, loud whine that emanated from my arse and into a eerily silent, and full, train carriage.

First class, too!

amusedbush · 30/03/2020 23:24

I was walking to the train station and felt one brewing. I glanced around and couldn't see anyone so I let out a huge fart that went off like cannon fire. I then heard a noise, turned ALL THE WAY around (probably should have done that the first time!) and saw two men carrying loads of Aldi bags behind me Blush

My dad told me about a time he was standing in the staff room chatting to a colleague. He fixes grounds machinery/tractors so it's a "blokey" environment and the only woman is the office manager. She came in to get something out of the fridge, bent over and farted. My dad said he doesn't know how he kept a straight face but he and his colleague stood either side of the fridge, staring into their cups of tea in gentlemanly silence until she stood up and left with what was left of her dignity Grin

LittleCandle · 30/03/2020 23:26

DF was a champion farter. He phoned me one night and admitted, quite casually, that he had farted so much earlier that evening that he 'couldn'tbear to sit beside himself' and had to vacate his small flat! If he had to hold his farts in because we had visitors, he then let rip all over the house and the smell was something to behold.

I'm sure I've done a few crackers in my time, but none are springing to mind right now. However, the worst one I ever encountered was in the crypt of York Minster. We were looking at a model of the minster and discussing the ruins of the older versions when we were suddenly almost asphyxiated! A random guy had just walked through the very small room and left behind a deadly gas! If there had been a canary down there, it would have definitely pegged out! Rank bastard. Once I got over feeling sick, the kids and I had a good old snigger.

BelfryBat · 30/03/2020 23:27

I did a fanny-pop once while talking to my manager. He heard it and smirked but said nothing. I was SO tempted to say 'Actually that was air coming out of my VULVA, not my arse, since you think it's so hilarious.'

BadgertheBodger · 30/03/2020 23:28

When I was pregnant for some reason I produced death-scented clouds of stink for the whole 40 weeks. Eye wateringly horrible. I did one in a packed restaurant at a table full of family and friends celebrating my 30th and people were gagging and running off Blush my sisters and DH still refer to it now in appalled, hushed tones

This thread is amazing Grin I’ve been laughing so much!

Original poster
Femail · 30/03/2020 23:47

Some of these posts are so funny. Thanks for cheering me up Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Femail · 30/03/2020 23:51

Also did one in Tesco's once and was silent and hurried off to the next aisle so not to arouse suspicion as there was just me in the aisle but I felt sorry for the next person walking up there Grin

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 30/03/2020 23:52

Just thought of another one.

Driving down the motorway in terrible weather (appalling freezing rain). My sister had been on some weird plant based diet and let rip. She sniffed and started heaving. (though she tends to get travel sick and so had bags to hand)

My life flashed in front of my eyes. It was vile. I was trying to drive while gagging. Couldn't have the windows down because of the weather. I ended up pulling into a service station so we could air the car out.

I've never smelled anything like it before of since.

whataballbag · 30/03/2020 23:52

In my exes face. During oral 🤦🏻‍♀️

LittleChoCho · 31/03/2020 00:29

First week of a new contract (IT) in a tiny windowless office with two other people (the team leader and another contractor). I let out an awful fart that had given me no warning or time to escape to the loo. It was obvious it was me so I tried to mitigate my embarrassment by apologetically explaining to my colleagues that I'd had a bout of mild food poisoning - but then the boss insisted I go home immediately and take the following day off too. There was no persuading her otherwise and that fart cost me about 400 quid. Blush

OntheWaves40 · 31/03/2020 01:11

Too many to list Blush

Ck25 · 31/03/2020 01:54

Standing in a very busy supermarket queue, with my baby when a loud fart was heard and I was mortified when people turned and looked thinking it was me, when it was actually my baby who did it.

AuntMasha · 31/03/2020 02:11

A friend of mine once followed through in Laura Ashley. Shock

ALongHardWinter · 31/03/2020 03:03

Not me but my Dd,when she was about 14. She was bending over,stroking the cat who was sitting in one of those radiator hammock bed things,which was at right angles to the sofa,where my DM was sitting. My DM decided at the crucial moment to lean over behind her and pick something up off the floor. Just as her face was level with Dd's bum,Dd let rip with the loudest fart that I've ever heard. DM was disgusted. Meanwhile,I was nearly wetting myself laughing.