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Original poster

Where is the worse place you have farted ?

209 replies

Femail · 30/03/2020 00:34

Mine has to be at work and in front of a customer. I tried to hold it in but it just popped out and was very loud. Luckily the customer burst out laughing and we both ended up with tears in eyes as was quite funny. I apologised and she said was no problem Grin
Where is the worst place you have farted in ?

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 30/03/2020 19:38

Cabinet Minister's drawing room as I chatted to his wife and another cabinet minister. Silent but deadly. I glared at the dog; it was fat, old and probably very flatulent. DH prodded me in the back to say I know what you have just done but didn't give me away. It was about 15 years ago and he still reminds me. I thanked God for that dog.

SilverOtter · 30/03/2020 19:45

@Purpleorangegerberas omg! This whole thread has had me sniggering but now I can't breathe and I've got tears rolling down my face!

SilverOtter · 30/03/2020 19:47

@OhTheRoses yay poor dog!😂

SilverOtter · 30/03/2020 19:48

that poor dog
Laughing so much I can't type!😂

Zisforstripyoss · 30/03/2020 19:50

I once got up from my desk in a quiet office to go to the loo and with every step, I fanny farted. I couldn't stop it. So embarrassing! The lads I was working with couldn't have been more cool about it though, I came back and said "let's not talk about that lads" and to their credit, they've never mentioned it again.

ivfbabymomma1 · 30/03/2020 19:56

After my c section on the ward! I couldn't control my arse for anyone 😂😂

CatkinToadflax · 30/03/2020 20:02

In a public loo, which wouldn’t have been so bad.... but....

I desperately needed to have a good fart, and all the cubicles were empty so I chose one, went in and locked the door. I spent a good two minutes farting away for Britain - fairly odourless, but my God they were loud and multi-syllabled. Eventually I finished and emerged triumphantly from the cubicle to find that quite a queue had gathered.

crispysausagerolls · 30/03/2020 20:03

I actually cringe about this with alarmingly
Regularity given that it was over a decade ago but:

When I was approx 17 my mother, her fiancé (who I liked but didn’t know THAT well) and I were in the car on a long road trip. I think to Scotland to take the ferry or some such. Anyway I had an upset stomach and did the worst fart of my life. Fiancé was basically choking on it. No on said anything because obviously he thought it might be my mother and she thought it might be him and they didn’t have that sort of relationship. At some point he just undid the window and I wanted to die 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

Boxerbinky · 30/03/2020 20:37

I may have told this story before - but my ex and I were on a train after a weekend away. He fell asleep and was well away, he must have fully relaxed because he farted, loudly.. so loudly in fact that he woke himself up with shock Grin.. I literally cried laughing and I was not alone.. thankfully it was not as deadly smelling as sounding!

dayswithaY · 30/03/2020 20:43

Trying on a wedding dress in a very posh shop. Just me and the assistant in a tiny fitting room, she was bending down at the time. I told myself she hadn't noticed, obviously she did and hated me.

twattymctwattwat · 30/03/2020 20:43

Purple GrinGrinGrin

Literally crying reading your post!!! DH and I met when we were teens and for some reason we used to do that...but we'd call it "launching an air biscuit." I remember one day, we'd only been going out a few months and I ran towards him to mess about and wrestle and ended up farting on his head. The worst part was I intended to but we still roll about laughing now when it's brought up Grin he said it was at that point he knew, he loved me!

joystir59 · 30/03/2020 20:45

When I was the female manager chairing a meeting of male senior suits. In a quiet spot. I just pretended it hadn't happened and carried on with the next agenda item

Coffeeandnutrients · 30/03/2020 20:46

Thanks @eandz13 “nice” had me laugh so flipping hard I woke my 5 month old up Grin what a hoot! Sorry, on your behalf

rachelb76 · 30/03/2020 20:48

Not where I have farted but whilst heavily pregnant with DD, I'd been waiting at the deserted pharmacy counter of Boots with DH quietly mooching around the shop with a hangover. Just as someone came out to serve me, DH wandered past stealthily (and deliberately) dropping his beer and kebab riddled guts, then disappearing down another aisle. Honestly it was eye watering, you could see the moment the poor girl walked into the toxic cloud, as well as the look of disgust on her face thinking I dropped it.

Namechange4nowt45 · 30/03/2020 20:49

I did what I thought was going to be a smell free squeak moments before opening the door to let the taxi driver in with my daughter in her wheelchair, her face hit a hot wall if pure shit and there was no escaping it. I tried blaming it on our downstairs loo and the drains Blush

Lifeasweknow · 30/03/2020 20:53

I share a communal courtyard with neithbours, but houses about 9 garages. Was once leaning up against my garage and farted. Thought it would be silent but it wasn't and it vibrated up the garage door. It was so loud and one of the neighbours was sorting his car out!

Mmmmdanone · 30/03/2020 20:57

I was out for dinner with a friend and what happened wasn't a fart, more a gas explosion. It was sooooo embarrassing- not so much the noise (loud restaurant) but the smell...omg...eggs🤢
My friend obviously thought it was someone else and rolled her eyes..I did the same, blaming it on some anonymous person in the restaurant. I have never, before or since, made such a disgusting smell. I could have died. No one else knows. Don't tell!!

Mmmmdanone · 30/03/2020 20:58

On the plus side, this thread had made me feel so much better!

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 30/03/2020 21:09

In a queue at Disneyland. We were right at the end and I thought about to get on the ride so let one slip, only they stopped us to wait for the next one. It stank! Had to stand in it for ages too

MigginsMrs · 30/03/2020 21:16

In a 4 bed room in hospital after I had my first. It was the next day and apparently if the baby is back to back it can squash everything and it needs to pop back into place?! I was dozing and woke up to this massively round rumbling noise which was my instestines and then endless really loud airy farts, it went on for ages and I just couldn’t control it as my pelvic floor was fucked!

CheerfulBunny · 30/03/2020 21:18

I sharted in a Tesco cafe in a long white gypsy skirt. I had to go and try to wash it off in the disabled loo. That was a looong 45mins journey home in a warm car....

HowManyToes · 30/03/2020 21:19

During a smear test 🙈

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 30/03/2020 21:19

I am really just here to see if the person who farted in small but full to capacity restaurant so badly that we had to open all doors and someone suggested stopping service and pulling fire alarm!😂

All the poo stories are making me feel better about when I sneezed from both ends. Except that the bottom wasn't air. No warning. No pain in a belly. I simply shatsneezed. I wobbled to the toilet and hear my DH from different room "Have you shat yourself?"
Apparently he heard the sneeze, the "What" and the wobble and put two and two together 😂
It's been a while and i still get him yell "check yourself" after I sneeze😂

LuluJakey1 · 30/03/2020 21:35

I had pancreatitis caused by a trapped gallstone in the duct to my pancreas. It was agonising and I was in hospital on morohine and other painkillers for about 8 days. After 5 days of not pooping or farting, they started giving me enemas. First one did nothing except produce the most enormous, painful, noisy, disgusting fart. I was behind the curtains round my bed and it was so huge the curtains could have blown away. I heard the woman in the bed opposite- who had spent the whole night farting loudly- say in absolute horror 'Dear God! ' Blush

Icanflyhigh · 30/03/2020 21:38

Oh god.... I cant breathe!
Thank you so much, I needed this! 😂😂😂😂😂