To think I can still get away with wearing short shorts?

[Ellaandtoddler]

I’m 23 and a UK size 10 with an 18 month old dd. My legs aren’t particularly toned but I don’t think they’re completely awful! I was looking at clothes for the summer earlier (when we can finally go out!) and I came across a pair of pink shorts that I really liked the look of. I asked my dp what he thought and he said perhaps it would be best to wear trousers or 3/4 lengths now that I am a mum and that my legs aren’t completely toned! I was really annoyed! I had suggested wearing them with a white jumper/ long sleeved t-shirt so it’s not like I would be showing my stomach. When I asked him why he said that he said that whilst I am still youngish I need to dress appropriately now that I have a child. It’s taken me ages after having my dd to feel comfortable within myself and I just feel upset now. Aibu to think that I can still wear shorts?

He is slightly overweight (only slightly not a huge amount) and I sometimes think he’s just insecure.

His insecurity does not give him the right to control you.

I know it sounds silly of me but I really love him

Of course you love him. You were 19 and inexperienced. Basically he is all you know. No wonder you don't know which side is up. But please believe us older witches: this does not bode well. You've got to act now, or you will live to regret it.

and he’s such a good dad.

Sigh. How many times do we hear this as a justification for staying with a useless and/or abusive man.

I'm not saying LTB, but do think about what else is bugging you about him, and what you ultimately want out of this relationship. Once you've thought about all this, post in the Relationship Forum, where you'll get more in-depth advice.

He's undermining you because he feels bad about himself. You need to sort this out sooner rather than later, otherwise he will get worse. And you will spend years pretending to yourself that everything is really OK when really, it isn't. By then, you will not be 23 anymore and you will have wasted years of your life believing you are, in some way, to blame/inadequate. What you do to sort it is up to you but I would start with some serious but calm conversations.

OP re-read @Userengage post. I don't know her at all, but she is describing my marriage.

@MsVestibule ageee. I had to read a lot of posts on here before i I realised I was in an emotionally abusive controlling marriage. It clicked eventually.

You're only 23 once. Buy them, wear them, enjoy them!

I'm sorry your DP is a controlling arsehole, OP

I'm 63 and wearing cargo shorts atm,
lying on the chaise longue and enjoying the lovely sun streaming through my windows

Red flag bunting 🚩

Youngish!!
You're only 23!
Also, wear what you like. I'm sure you look lovely.
Some men don't like (their (ffs )) women going out showing any of their body. These are bad men and I would never go near one. For me it's a red flag.

@Ellaandtoddler

he is not a good dad. because a "good dad" does not put the mother of his child down like this and try and undermine her confidence and control her

Take it from me! I have literally been in the same place as you with a similar guy, I know how they operate

Your age has nothing to do with wearing shorts or bright colors.
Your DP is being both ridiculous and controlling.
I wear both in my mid 40's and definitely am part of the norm.
I also have dc, although this is also of no relevance to wearing shorts other than making time to sort leg hair out.

I asked my dp what he thought

^ Here's where you went wrong. Why on earth would you ask his opinion? Wear whatever you like!

Buy your DH a pipe, slippers, flat cap and a zip up jumper.

And a tweed jacket with leather patches on the elbows.

I don’t think having a child really changes your body for clothes wearing purposes, and yet everyone seems to think it does. People are routinely shocked when they find out I have children (not a stealth brag btw, I look perfectly normal for a healthy person of my age). It’s like they expect you to turn into Mrs Doubtfire the second your baby comes out.

Mutton dressed as lam is a bad look, but not 23! What a twit he sounds.

Well OP you have had every ones' opinion - why not show thread to your husband and get a few pairs of Kylie's ''I'm spinning around..'' gold shorts -if you are not too young to remember them?!

Whilst you are still youngish????

WTF???

I'm mid 50s, overweight, crap legs & I wear shorts.

Don't let him knock you down Op.

Of course he is happy for you to go out with your friends.
Because you are wearing what he wants you to wear.

Swift fuck off should sort this out.

FYI
I'm 29 - baby last year. Wore short dungarees the other day and it felt unashamedly free!

I know it sounds silly of me but I really love him and he’s such a good* dad

He's not a good dad. Good dads don't put the mothers of their children down.

My ex did this quite often and it resulted in my children following his example and treating me the same way. Don't let this continue, not just for your sake, but for your child's too.

Read @Userengage

Again and again.

He's a insecure twat.

Who wants to change you into a little obedient mouse...who needs to better herself and NOT realise that she's married to a fat, odious, insecure little man.

That's what your daughter is going to grow up amongst.

Good father's and good men don't try to control their wives.

You were 19 and he was 24......

I think men often look for girls a bit younger than them to control.

Watch out OP......

He’s a knob. Wear them.

Of course!!!!!

Ellaandtoddler

Thanks everyone! He’s very uptight about what I wear, but not as much about anything else! He’s driving me mad at the moment as he comments on everything I wear/how I look!
Bookmark

Tell him you don’t want his opinion unless you ask him and don’t ask. I was a mum at 23... wear what you want.

@lmcneil003 no, mutton dressed as lamb isn’t a “bad look” ffs, it’s a misogynistic concept to keep women in their place.

Mutton dressed as lamb is a nasty term for the over 40s (like me) wearing young clothes. Like superdry, mini's.
It's impossible at 23! You are young. You wear young clothes.

Also I wear superdry and minis but I like breaking rules at 48yo.

no, mutton dressed as lamb isn’t a “bad look” ffs, it’s a misogynistic concept to keep women in their place.

Totally agree.