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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can still get away with wearing short shorts?

210 replies

Ellaandtoddler · 28/03/2020 12:59

I’m 23 and a UK size 10 with an 18 month old dd. My legs aren’t particularly toned but I don’t think they’re completely awful! I was looking at clothes for the summer earlier (when we can finally go out!) and I came across a pair of pink shorts that I really liked the look of. I asked my dp what he thought and he said perhaps it would be best to wear trousers or 3/4 lengths now that I am a mum and that my legs aren’t completely toned! I was really annoyed! I had suggested wearing them with a white jumper/ long sleeved t-shirt so it’s not like I would be showing my stomach. When I asked him why he said that he said that whilst I am still youngish I need to dress appropriately now that I have a child. It’s taken me ages after having my dd to feel comfortable within myself and I just feel upset now. Aibu to think that I can still wear shorts?

OP posts:
BilboBercow · 28/03/2020 14:33

OP this is controlling and abusive behaviour. He's trying to break down your self esteem

DianneWhatcock · 28/03/2020 14:34

"now you're a mum"

FUCK THAT

I am 40 and regularly wear short shorts when its warm. I am not perfect but I like myself how I am. oh and I am a mum too I have 3 kids between 5 and 14, 2 are daughters and I instil body confidence in them. You are only 23 and my advice would be to wear whatever the fuck you want whether you are 23, 43 or bloody 93

I bet you are beautiful and he knows you will turn heads wearing them and that's what his real problem is x

Holdingmybreath · 28/03/2020 14:37

I wish I were your neighbour.Im 60 have very long straight hair much bigger than a size 10 and wear shorts and bright colours!
You are too young to be trying to be someone else's stereotype of a mum.Youre 23 so wear what you like.

mencken · 28/03/2020 14:42

just tell him that you are also assuming that sex is no longer appropriate now that you are a mother. Same logic, shortly?

Bubblebu · 28/03/2020 14:42

You can wear shorts.
Tell your DH there are more important issues at the moment and he needs that out.
If you are looking after your kids and being a good mum - well then wear what the F you like.

Bubblebu · 28/03/2020 14:43

needs to check that out ….

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 28/03/2020 14:43

Who does he actually think gives a fuck about a 23 yr old wearing shorts? I’m nearly 40, size 12 and wear shorts/dresses/skirts whatever the hell i like! When I was younger I fretted so much about how I looked (my legs especially) but a few years ago I realised that I’ve never once in my life looked at someone and thought “oh, they look hideous - they really shouldn’t be wearing that!” Even larger women on the beach I just think to myself “good for her”. Honestly, no one cares except your dh who obviously has worrying issues around the female body or imagined societal expectations.

The problem is with him.

charley50 · 28/03/2020 14:44

I'm 50 (fuck!) and I wear short shorts. I prefer to be a bit tanned but 1. I don't really give a shit, and 2. Short shorts can be more flattering than longer ones anyway.

notacooldad · 28/03/2020 14:45

So what happens if you wore the shorts or wear bright colours?
How does compring you to the next door neighbour come up in conversation? How would he react if you told him to pack it in?
How about telling him that it's no good being overweight. ' now that he is a dad'

Userengage · 28/03/2020 14:45

I was just talking to a friend today about how a woman can end up in a controlling relationship that they think they cannot get out of. She meets someone when she is young, has a child or two early and that man starts putting her down, telling her that she is a mother now and she needs to act like one, drop the “revealing” clothes and confident behaviour as she needs to be respectable. The woman starts to believe what she hears and her self esteem plummets, she loses her former self. Because this is usually her first serious relationship she knows no different and believes this is the norm.
The controlling behaviour increases until the woman cannot see the wood from the trees and their children begin to think that this is what a normal relationship looks like. The woman always says that the man is a good dad and thinks that she would be doing her children a disservice by escaping this relationship so she stays put. She either spends her whole life in misery or the man actually does her a favour and leaves her when she least expects it, not to be on his own but to be with some other, usually younger and easier to manipulate, poor unsuspecting woman. Unfortunately for the original woman, it’s so far down the line that she had forgotten her own worth.

Open your eyes OP.

Charley50 · 28/03/2020 14:46

Oh, and I agree he sounds awful.

Userengage · 28/03/2020 14:46

Lost the paragraphs.

TheWordmeister · 28/03/2020 14:47

He sounds awful.

Wear what you like. And no-one under 70 wears 3/4 length trousers ime.

speakout · 28/03/2020 14:48

Have I read that right???

23??

I am close to 60 and wear shorts. If I feel comfortable I don't give a rat's arse what anyone thinks.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/03/2020 14:50

Well having spent most of my life hiding my legs I have realised that short shorts are more flattering than long ones. at the age of 70 I decided if people dont like my knees they dont need to look at them. Wear what you like, you are at your best. Dont ask opoinions of people so critical. No one is going to be 16 again and I for one would not like to be. Grow in confidence about who you are and what your body looks like. If you stress now you will give up at my age

ScrapThatThen · 28/03/2020 14:52

He's viewing you as a possession, an object or a reflection of himself, because he cannot comprehend that his wishes are not the most important thing. They're not.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 28/03/2020 14:52

See, I'd be tempted to look him up and down and say "you know, you're right, I don't think you should wear shorts any more" and then wait for the penny to drop if I thought that insecurity was in any way what was motivating him to try to make me insecure too. But I don't think that's what's happening here at all, he's just sexist and controlling.

Cheerbear23 · 28/03/2020 15:00

He has no right to tell you what to wear. Look around you, people much bigger than size 10 are wearing shorts and bright colours... it’s completely normal.
He’s insidiously knocking yourself confidence, by suggesting an older haircut, 3/4 shorts, mentioning your post baby body.
Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t get to tell you what to do on this.

Pickupapenguinnnn · 28/03/2020 15:01

OP google all the mumsnet controlling partner/DP threads. You aren't the first you won't be the last. Listen to the women telling you this is wrong and who have been before you.

nettie434 · 28/03/2020 15:03

Ellaandtoddler Buy those shorts - one for every day of the week. You will look lovely in them.

It does sound as if what your DP is saying is controlling. I like the idea of telling him he needs to wear plus fours now he is a father (great photo Pippishortsocks Grin). Could you try giving him a taste of his own medicine. ‘That beige anorak Bill at number 48 has got is the sort of thing you should be wearing now you are 28’. ‘Eric says the barber he goes to does a fantastic combover. Should you try him now so you are ready when your hair gets a bit thinner’?

Sadly, as MrsTerryPratchett says, it’s generally worrying when a partner seeks to control what a person wears - it equally applies to partners who are overly controlling the other way too, eg constantly scrutinising what their partner eats in case they put on weight. If he is not controlling but just insensitive, he will understand when you say you still want to enjoy that stage of life when you can wear whatever you like.

pointythings · 28/03/2020 15:04

Think of this, OP: You have a daughter. Do you want her to learn that men get to control what she wears, how she does her hair, when and where she goes out? No?

If so, have a serious word with your partner. Tell him - don't ask, tell him - that you will wear what you want and that you will not accept criticism from him. You will have your hair how you want it. You will live your life as an adult in your own life. You will not accept controlling behaviour from him. He stops this stuff now, or you're over.

And mean it.

I'm serious.

converseandjeans · 28/03/2020 15:14

It sounds like he has lost confidence due to his own weight gain. He's trying to control you by getting you to wear clothes that cover you up and cut your hair. He's being controlling.

kateybeth79 · 28/03/2020 15:16

I'm a 40 year old mum of 2 and I wear 'short' shorts/playsuits. My legs are better now than they were when I was 23 because I work out more now! I can't believe he would say something so disrespectful to you!

Robstersgirl · 28/03/2020 15:16

40 with my 17 year old son at reading last year in my size 16 shorts. Don’t listen to him. Fun mums are the best!

To think I can still get away with wearing short shorts?
MsVestibule · 28/03/2020 15:18

I love MN for this type of thing. Ella isn't going to leave her P because he's told her she shouldn't wear short shorts. He's a good dad, and honestly, apart from this, he's lovely. However, these responses will make her realise that actually, this really isn't acceptable behaviour from him and she'll be keeping a look out for other red flags, which, put together, makes her see that she's in an abusive, controlling relationship.

I wish MN had been around when I had relationship problems in the past - I'm pretty sure I'd have ditched some of them a lot sooner than I did!!