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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can still get away with wearing short shorts?

210 replies

Ellaandtoddler · 28/03/2020 12:59

I’m 23 and a UK size 10 with an 18 month old dd. My legs aren’t particularly toned but I don’t think they’re completely awful! I was looking at clothes for the summer earlier (when we can finally go out!) and I came across a pair of pink shorts that I really liked the look of. I asked my dp what he thought and he said perhaps it would be best to wear trousers or 3/4 lengths now that I am a mum and that my legs aren’t completely toned! I was really annoyed! I had suggested wearing them with a white jumper/ long sleeved t-shirt so it’s not like I would be showing my stomach. When I asked him why he said that he said that whilst I am still youngish I need to dress appropriately now that I have a child. It’s taken me ages after having my dd to feel comfortable within myself and I just feel upset now. Aibu to think that I can still wear shorts?

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 28/03/2020 13:39

He doesn't like you wearing clothes that are too bold in colour?!

That is a HUGE red flag. He's saying you're no longer allowed to draw attention to yourself. He thinks he owns you. He thinks now you have a child that you're trapped.

Pickupapenguinnnn · 28/03/2020 13:39

And don't tell yourself we on an anonymous forum just don't understand him. We do. And he's still an abusive twat.

BuckingFrolics · 28/03/2020 13:40

OP you might want this moved to Relationships as the issue is not one of style (WEAR THE SHORTS!)'but of your DH's unreasonable controlling and belittling behaviours.

His attempts to control what you wear are not right at all.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/03/2020 13:40

Wear the shorts. Tell him to fuck the fuck off. Job done.

eandz13 · 28/03/2020 13:41

I'd do a Joey and wear all my short shorts at once and do lunges down the street just to rub it in his face.

givemeacall · 28/03/2020 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glowcat · 28/03/2020 13:43

You know the way he is about your clothes is a red flag.

PositiveVibez · 28/03/2020 13:44

Wow. Just wow.

Tell him to FUCK OFF.

Who the hell does he think he is OP? I couldn't be doing with it. I'd find it infuriating.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2020 13:45

whilst I am still youngish I need to dress appropriately now that I have a child.

He has a Madonna/whore complex. You are either a sexual woman, there to satisfy his desires, or you are an angelic mother, who isn't allowed to be sexual. What he needs to understand is that what you wear is for you. Not for him or any other men.

Unfortunately as well as having a Madonna/whore complex he's also controlling enough to think he has a right to tell you what to wear. That is not OK. And you have a LOT of years left to regret changing yourself to please a man. So don't.

dottiedodah · 28/03/2020 13:45

My goodness you are still a baby FFS! Anyone can wear whatever they like .Do you think he is possessive generally ? He is jealous of other men looking at you . Just wear them and dont pay any attention!

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 28/03/2020 13:46

It doesn't matter how old you are. Or what size you are. Do you like the shorts? Yes? Then wear the shorts Smile

I'm 53. I'll wear them if you don't.

4amWitchingHour · 28/03/2020 13:47

He's being a controlling arse OP. He needs to stop all commentary on what you wear immediately.

user1492809438 · 28/03/2020 13:50

Close it down now. Tell him you'll wear what you like when you like, the only time you want his opinion is if you are looking especially gorgeous. NEVER ask his opinion, you are allowing him control.

SimonJT · 28/03/2020 13:52

I wear short shorts and I’m a man.

Please wear the shorts and tell him to fuck off.

Redcrayons · 28/03/2020 13:54

It doesn't matter what size or how old you are, you can wear whatever you like. You don't need his permission.

But you need to nip this in the bud now, because it will get worse. It might just be what you wear when you go out now, but it will soon be who you go out with, when you go out till you can't do anything on your own.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 28/03/2020 13:54

This thread is so worryingly sad.

A young woman being told what she cannot wear by the man who is supposed to love her, and who she has had children with.

And has been taken in by this creep to the extent she is doubting whether a perfectly normal every day item of clothing is "appropriate" - not even counting the above controlling behaviour.

Please OP, I beg of you, take a very long, serious look at this situation and imagine what you'd say to your daughter if she was you. You are her role model.

rainbowlou · 28/03/2020 13:55

If you didn’t wear a uniform to work he would be telling you what to wear then as well.
He is being so controlling, he sounds like my ex and this is where it started.

MitziK · 28/03/2020 13:58

'Tidy up' his wardrobe. Make sure he's only got moleskin trousers, beige chinos with elasticated back to the waist and sensible moccasin driving shoes, finished off with a nice non iron polyester shirt and knitted acrylic cardigan with leather look buttons.

After all, he's a Dad now, so he should start wearing clothes that are appropriate for his situation.

Original poster
Ellaandtoddler · 28/03/2020 13:59

I do get what you’re all saying but he isn’t like this about other things. He’s really supportive of me in other ways and is always encouraging me to better myself. He is happy for me to go out with my friends too. He hasn’t seen me as being young since I had our dd. Our neighbour is 55 and he compares me to her a lot

OP posts:
sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 28/03/2020 14:01

Fuck that shit. I'm 40 and if I wear anything longer than mid-thigh or in dull colours, my DP gives me a concerned look and says 'Why so mumsy today?'. And I've had two kids.

You're not a toddler, so you can choose your own clothes. Do it - and don't let him encroach onto what you can't and can't do. It becomes a very, very gradual descent into outright coercive control. I'm speaking from experience.

Obviouspretzel · 28/03/2020 14:02

Well he still sounds like a cock.

1forAll74 · 28/03/2020 14:02

Don't even consider a man's viewpoint on what you should and shouldn't wear, the narrow mindedness of some men is quite ridiculous.
I have been wearing shorts since the 1960 era, and I still wear them in the summer,and I am 78 now.

MangePasTesOnglesVilain · 28/03/2020 14:02

Is he older than you OP?

Do you need to be Better'?

Is he 'bettering' himself?

What would he say if he read this thread?

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 28/03/2020 14:02

23 is "youngish"? Tell him to piss off, OP, and wear what you like. Having a baby shouldn't have to mean a complete change of style, though honestly a change of partner doesn't sound like a bad idea if yours keeps acting like this.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 28/03/2020 14:03

Christ alive, I wear short(ish) shorts and I've got nearly 20 years on you, OP! I've not yet seen anyone need the smelling salts in horror at a pair of 41 year old legs.

Your DP is an arse. Since when did becoming a mother mean a woman's wardrobe is limited to on-the-knee skirts, sensible twin-sets and a pair of crimplene slacks? Tell him to fuck off.