I've upset my DM terribly and I don't know what to do...

[muddleoffeelings]

Mum and dad both have high blood pressure and in late 60's early 70's. I was in hospital 6 weeks ago with pneumonia.
I was meant to leave Mothers Day card and flowers outside door (they live about 20mins away).
Woke up feeling flu-ey and had a 30 min coughing attack.
Husband said there was no way we were going to shop to get cards and flowers as it was non-essential.
I made cards with the children and he dropped them to the front door before taking them out for some fresh air in the forest (we live in a remote area). My parents had gone out to walk on a local deserted beach.
Called my DM later and she extremely cold with me and then eventually burst into tears saying she couldn't believe I hadn't bothered to get her a present. i explained what happened but she said it wasn't good enough.
now I feel devastated that I have upset her so much but my DH says we made the right decision and it's about keeping them and ourselves safe.
I'm not so sure and feel so upset - did we do the right thing??

You did the right thing. My mum said she wasn't bothered about mothers day as long as we all stay safe, and she said the important thing is being nice to your mum all year round, not just on one day, and we are all lovely to my mum all year.

Your mum should be more worried about how your felling and are coping with two small children she is ridiculous and i am saying that as someone in your mum’s age bracket

Has she always been a self absorbed brat?

Feeling not felling 😄

You did the right thing. The most charitable spin I can put on it re your Mum, is that sometimes people are very resistant to realising the gravity of the situation and adapting to it.

ur mom is ridiculous

She's being unfair. As a mother she should be concerned about your health and safety not her present. I know stressful times can bring out petty emotions in people but she is wrong here. You are not,

Even under normal circumstances she was being ridiculous but now especially so.

Your mother is totally unreasonable!
Tell her to take a good look at what is going on in the world and to put her needs in perspective.
She should be more concerned about your symptoms.

Of course YANBU, your mother sounds like a bloody toddler not getting a pack of sweets ffs.

What's your relationship like with your DM? I was unable to visit my DM at all for mother's day nor was I able to send a card or gift. I have chronic asthma and a young child at home. My DM was worried because i have a chest infection so if I'd just had pneumonia (last time I had it the dr said it would take at least 6 months to properly recover) and had those symptoms she would have been beside herself not whining like a child about a gift. Are things always about her and how she feels? How do you feel about how she has treated you?

Your Mum is being very silly. You did the right thing to put the health of the whole family ahead of buying a box of chocolate or a bunch of daffs.
Let it all calm down, and hopefully her own stress levels will fall, and she will realise that what you did was for the best for everyone.

She's reacting like a spoilt child. Can't she see the wider picture?

Your mother is totally unreasonable.
Let her calm down but don't apologise anymore.

She sounds like a selfish and entitled teenager!
Who the hell wants their ill dd to go out at this time and buy a bloody present?
She sounds about 2yrs old.
Tell her to watch the bloody news!
Hope you feel better soon.
Your dh is right and is looking out for you first, good for him. He should tell your mum a few home truths!

Have you got a toddler size mini-bag packet of Jelly Tots and a colouring book your husband could drop off for her?

You were not unreasonable but maybe this says more about how she is feeling at the moment and whether she has grasped the seriousness of the situation, First I would just ssay that t you are sorry she was upset ( not sorry you did anything wrong) and that is doesnt mean you mean any less to her or that you werent thinking of her. Sometimes people get very hooked up on expectations for things like this, and we see it every Christmas. Its as much about managing expectations as showing people we care for them. Unfortunately when I am faced with family expectations I back off and give them less!

Or a grip?

There is something wrong with your mother if she's giving you grief over this at this current time with you being ill.
SERIOUSLY wrong with her.

If she's not normally a narcissistic twat, then she's probably got dementia or something.

Hand made cards are lovely. No one needs a present for Mothers Day.

You know YANBU. Unless your mother is usually like this, she is probably emotional and scared and acting out cos of this. Just apologise (for peacekeeping), reassure her of your love, and let it drop. She'll hopefully feel better soon. These are trying times and I suspect many of us will act unreasonably due to stress at some point.

My DS made a cake for his wife yesterday, he left a slab in porch for us. We were touched by this thought. He wants us to be safe. Your DM is being hysterical.

Is it a wind-up? Surely it can't be true?

Your dm is ridiculous.

Do you normally get her flowers? Of yes, YANBU.
If you normally get her a gift, maybe she was wondering why you hadn’t this year?
My DM passed a while ago but I always get something for MIL. This year a 1000 piece personalised puzzle to keep them busy while in isolation. Ordered it last week and it came in time.
We left it on the doormat with a knock and run, with cards made by the kids.