Under pressure to attend a forthcoming wedding

[Plantlover101]

Hello, I'm in my 50s and a close family member is getting married in a week's time.

Several months ago I booked a hotel room at the venue in another city.

That was before coronavirus. The venue (a hotel) won't cancel the wedding unless ordered to by the govt. The hotel staff actually told me this. Family member stands to lose several Ks if they cancel, so understandably they want the wedding to go ahead.

I have asthma - well controlled until I get colds or flu, when it is much worse - and I was treated with drugs for 2 years for a lung disease, now cured. Before that diagnosis it was thought I had cancer and during the course of biopsies, I suffered a punctured lung on three occasions.

My DSis told me the family member and her side of the family "would never forgive me" if I didn't go to the wedding.

And just to give away my location, my UK city is a coronavirus hotspot and there is talk of a lockdown.

What would you do?

Dont go. My wedding is due in the coming weeks and I am going to cancel because I dont want people to feel this way. Your health is more important than any wedding.

id lie and say i had been exposed and was self isolating

You don't have to do anything you don't want to.

Not go.
They can not forgive you (how stupid) for putting your health first.
But if you get it and it kills you then it won’t matter.
I have just had to RSVP maybe to a wedding invitation. The bride (close family) was completely understanding.

Don't go. Please don't go.

I wouldn't go. I understand that it is a very emotive subject for the couple themselves... of course they want to marry and of course they don't want to lose so much money. But you are clearly a vulnerable person and your reasons for not attending are entirely reasonable. I suspect that another week will see it cancelled in any event.

Just don't go.
Why would you put your health at risk.
If they never speak to you again it s their issue

Just don’t go. Say no, I’m in a vulnerable group and isolating. If they don’t forgive you, that’s fine. Your life is on the line!

It’s likely that by next week it’ll not be allowed to go ahead anyway.

Please don't go.

Don’t go. The advice is that everyone, vulnerable or not avoids social contact.

Don’t go. This is your life, the only one you get. And cut off your relative for being so selfish and uncaring.

I wouldnt go. That's emotional blackmail. Bet if it was the other way round they wouldnt come to yours. What they should be saying is that they understand individual circumstances.

Tell them you are thrilled for them that the wedding is going ahead- so many have had to cancel.
Unfortunately you have been told to self isolate. You are so sorry to miss it and hope they have a lovely day.
Will you get a refund on your hotel? If not offer it to them for another guest.

Thanks for your support folks. Just to be clear, I'm fully recovered from my lung diseases, punctures, etc. My asthma is well controlled until I get a cold or flu, when it is harder to control and really scary. But my workplace has told me to work from home indefinitely as I am considered vulnerable.

It's irresponsible for vulnerable people to risk it- the health service is operating on a knife edge. No unnecessary serious cases blocking ventilators, please!

In a week, you probably won’t have the option to go anyway.

Don't go

Also, just to clear up any confusion, my family member who is getting married has told me they would understand if I didn't attend. Her mum side of the family will be annoyed though.

Nopety nope.
Cancel politely, then turn off notifications for their texts/WhatsApps/Facebook/carrier pigeons! If they send a flying monkey (like the Wicked Witch of the West) a cousin or someone to put pressure on you, just say 'i won't be manipulated into attending, so fuck off let's talk about something else".

No. Just no. Your health is more important.

Unbelievable that they would put you in that situation. Surely they should be saying ‘we would never forgive ourselves if you got ill.’ I completely understand that the wedding has gone tits up and they are upset but this is a whole different ball game. I’d write a letter explaining your situation and it’s up to them. If they really think the world revolves around their wedding at a time like this they need to think again. Weddings really do make some people crazy 🤪

Don't go.

Don’t go, it’s not worth the health risk. Anyone who doesn’t forgive you is it worth knowing.

Typo - Isn’t worth knowing.
Stupid fat thumbs.

Some local authorities are offering to marry couples with just the two of them, plus two witnesses and a photographer.

The wedding may not be going ahead in the planed way at all.