Under pressure to attend a forthcoming wedding

[Plantlover101]

Hello, I'm in my 50s and a close family member is getting married in a week's time.

Several months ago I booked a hotel room at the venue in another city.

That was before coronavirus. The venue (a hotel) won't cancel the wedding unless ordered to by the govt. The hotel staff actually told me this. Family member stands to lose several Ks if they cancel, so understandably they want the wedding to go ahead.

I have asthma - well controlled until I get colds or flu, when it is much worse - and I was treated with drugs for 2 years for a lung disease, now cured. Before that diagnosis it was thought I had cancer and during the course of biopsies, I suffered a punctured lung on three occasions.

My DSis told me the family member and her side of the family "would never forgive me" if I didn't go to the wedding.

And just to give away my location, my UK city is a coronavirus hotspot and there is talk of a lockdown.

What would you do?

YANBU
Don't go !

I was just listening to Varadkar's speech
and he was explaining to Ireland why all celebrations like weddings had been cancelled
So sensible to make it clear like that and actually ban things

Time for Boris to do the same,
because some people will always put their selfish wishes before the health or even lives of others

At this stage, I would probably tell them ‘Of course I will be there. I hadn’t realised it meant so much to you for me to be there. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.’

And then three days before the wedding, I would tell them that ‘I am isolating on doctor’s orders, it could be Corona but still awaiting test results.’

I would send a wedding present they actually wanted and a telegram if possible.

Changing plans at the last minute is not something I would usually advocate but under these circumstances and to preserve family harmony, I would probably do it anyway.

Don't go, (for their response alone!). But on a serious note, it's completely unwise to. Just because they have chosen not to take the guidelines seriously, doesn't bear any meaning on your decision and shouldn't obligate you. It's each person's personal health at stake here, with a healthcare system that cannot cope. So put yourself first.

Don't worry about it. The wedding won't happen. At least, not with any more than the bride and groom in attendance.

@Plantlover101

A resounding and overwhelming MASSIVE majority. 99% at the moment who think YANBU to not go.

I wouldn't...

Who is the bride's mum to you in terms of relationship?

Wait it out , is likely the lockdown will come this weekend xx

Yanbu either way

I don’t believe you really have any decision to make.

1. It’s not safe for you to go.
2. It would be irresponsible for you to go because keeping yourself healthy means you are less likely to need hospital resources

And

1. The wedding is going to be cancelled anyway.

I wouldn’t even worry about saying you aren’t coming If it is upsetting people. The shutdowns are inevitable

My cousin has been waiting 10 yrs to marry the man of her dreams, she has cancelled it because and I quote "she's not risking the health of her loved ones" she's not in a hot-spot either. If people value you that little that they are going to emotionally blackmail you to risk your life, it's not just a soddin sniffle. then they can foxtrot Oscar!!
Even functioning lungs can still be damaged... Please please don't risk it for those selfish nincompoops. Stay home and be safe

Develop a cough. Ring the person, cough down the phone and say you’ve been told by 111 to isolate for 14 days.

Just tell them someone you cane in contact with has come down with and you have to self isolate.

Tell them you have Corona symptoms and it just wouldn't be fair on anyone to spread it?

Just inform them you have asthma you are limiting all social interactions because of Covid-19.
Anyone who wouldn't understand, isn't worth worrying about .
Weddings should be limited to immediate family now at this stage. I know, it's a day everyone dreams of being perfect, but social gatherings really need to be stopped .
This is unprecedented, so unprecedented measures are required.

I wouldn't go.

It will be cancelled

maddening - the bride is my niece, her mum is my sister.

To everyone else, thank you so much for your support. It means a lot.

Definitely don't go.

Designerenvy - I am immediate family, bride is my niece.

All the weddings I was doing hair and makeup for in the next few weeks have been cancelled. Please don't feel bad about not going.

Don't go to the wedding.

The family can all take a running jump.

Another saying don't think of going.
How selfish to ask you to do this!

Isn't it a shame that you've just come down with a pounding headache and a raised temperature? Looks like you'll have to isolate until after the wedding.

Such a pity.

Aunt is not immediate family.

Tell them you'll be happy to attend, on Livestream.

All the advice, from the chief medical officer to the Mumsnet public health experts (!) is to stay well away.

Listen to it!

If I were you, I definitely would not go. You are far too vulnerable if you do contract this virus as anyone with half a brain would understand. Send a really nice gift and sincere regrets that for health reasons, you will not be able to attend. That’s my tuppence ha’penny anyway.