Under pressure to attend a forthcoming wedding

[Plantlover101]

Hello, I'm in my 50s and a close family member is getting married in a week's time.

Several months ago I booked a hotel room at the venue in another city.

That was before coronavirus. The venue (a hotel) won't cancel the wedding unless ordered to by the govt. The hotel staff actually told me this. Family member stands to lose several Ks if they cancel, so understandably they want the wedding to go ahead.

I have asthma - well controlled until I get colds or flu, when it is much worse - and I was treated with drugs for 2 years for a lung disease, now cured. Before that diagnosis it was thought I had cancer and during the course of biopsies, I suffered a punctured lung on three occasions.

My DSis told me the family member and her side of the family "would never forgive me" if I didn't go to the wedding.

And just to give away my location, my UK city is a coronavirus hotspot and there is talk of a lockdown.

What would you do?

Don't go.

I'd be surprised if the venue isn't made to cancel before then. On the off chance it isn't, you absolutely must not go.

id lie and say i had been exposed and was self isolating

Yep this.
The family members guilting you and threatening you woth an eternal grudge are dicks.

I told them that the advice was to avoid weddings and they disputed it, saying they hadn't heard Boris specify weddings.

FFS, does the man have to give a full list comprising every conceivable type of social gathering known to mankind? You can just imagine it, can't you - a list covering weddings, engagement parties, renewals of vows, gender reveal parties, parties for birthdays at every age up to 120, bar mitzvahs, toddler groups, Jehovah's Witness prayer meetings, the Buddhist Theravada New Year, Eid, Holi, meeting your mates at the local Costa ...

Ask them what precisely they think it is about weddings that means people magically can't catch coronavirus whilst attending them?

Don't go, but ask the hotel or a sympathetic family member if they can set up a laptop with Skype (ior st worst, on a mobile phone) so you can watch proceedings from lockdown. Which you WILL be under by then anyway. Your sister is a selfish idiot.

Tell the couple getting married that they need to cancel their wedding until social gatherings arent a risk of death. For everyone.. not just people with long term. Conditions. Absolutely irresponsible to fo ahead.
People are behaving as if this is a flu rather than a pandemic .
Unless it's been cancelled by now andnsi missed the post

No no no. If your relatives dont care enough about your health then you shouldn't care about their feelings

I would ring up coughing and say I was looking forward to seeing them all. Not really, any body holding it against you for not going isnt family.

I'm sorry I don't understand this at all. We have ALL - that's everyone living in the UK - been told to avoid unnecessary social contact. In the PM's words, that's all gatherings large and small. The exact words.

I understand if they want to go ahead with the ceremony but apart from witnesses they do not need all the guests. Nobody should be going!

Can you hold off for a few days? Let Boris cancel it FOR you and you dont have to do the heavy lifting. I had to call people to tell them our organisation was cancelling everything face to face, and one volunteer said their holiday outing in May would go ahead and people would decide themselves whether to go or not go. I didnt push it because I knew it wouldn't be happening and the argument was unnecessary. The holiday company cancelled next day. But if they're ibsisting you decide now, say no.

my workplace has told me to work from home indefinitely as I am considered vulnerable
^this
Your employer is taking it seriously. So are you.
Please don't go.

Send your sister a link to this report of what happened when a family in New Jersey had a small get-together. Three have died and four are dangerously ill.

Some of my family don’t give a shit about my health. I had to go NC as I was in real physical danger. Stop worrying about what others think and keep yourself safe and alive. I do agree with holding off a few more days. Then if nothing happens, I would be developing a cough. Look at the hotel bill as a sunk cost.

Judy
Cross post. I tried that with mine. It didn’t work. I find never complain, never explain works far better with ignoramuses.

I wonder if something happened to you did they forgive themselves? Or works they not care.

Take good care of yourself, if you won't, no one else will!

Nah don't go. The fact that they are putting such immense pressure on you to go, this is your LIFE at risk.

The wedding won't be going ahead. But if it was to please don't go

Dont develop a cough. The advice is to maintain social distance because this thing spreads like wildfire and people.dont show symptoms when they are contagious. It is a huge societal issue. It is dangerous for them.ro hold the event... any event... in this context. You dont need to lie. It is unhelpful to lie ... just say the truth and be responsible and hopefully every other guest will do the same. You are all guilty of spreading the virus and acting irresponsibly if you go ... ALL of you.

Your sister is an idiot.
My son is due to marry in June. They are hoping to be able to do the legal bit with just immediate family. Her parents won't be able to come, they don't live in the UK. They are hoping to be able to Skype taking their vows to them. Maybe they won't even be able to do that it is what it is.

Don't go!! Your health cones first and you don't want to risk infecting anyone else..

Don’t go -ask “d”sis whether they would forgive THEMSELVES if you caught CV at the wedding and died.

Really tough for people getting married, but life has temporarily changed people need to start reprioritising and fast.

My DSis told me the family member and her side of the family "would never forgive me" if I didn't go to the wedding.

If this is true, and this person would rather you and the other guests put themselves at serious risk, then I would rather they didn't speak to me again. Trying to guilt people into attending in the current environment is not only thoughtless and naïve, it's actually bloody irresponsible and potentially dangerous.

Just stand firm. It's most likely going to get cancelled anyway. Good luck, Op.

I'm not a person who is prone to overreaction or health anxiety, but I wouldn't go, and I don't have asthma. Without alarming you, if you were to contract coronavirus which in turn triggered an asthma attack, it could potentially kill you.

OP, in a week things are going to be so much worse...this whole talk of whether to attend will be completely academic.

Do NOT stress yourself and play along.

Your sister is clearly one of this worlds selfish, stupid people...don't waste your breathe on her.

Anyone with a compromised respiratory system is extremely vulnerable.

Wishing you well.