Under pressure to attend a forthcoming wedding

[Plantlover101]

Hello, I'm in my 50s and a close family member is getting married in a week's time.

Several months ago I booked a hotel room at the venue in another city.

That was before coronavirus. The venue (a hotel) won't cancel the wedding unless ordered to by the govt. The hotel staff actually told me this. Family member stands to lose several Ks if they cancel, so understandably they want the wedding to go ahead.

I have asthma - well controlled until I get colds or flu, when it is much worse - and I was treated with drugs for 2 years for a lung disease, now cured. Before that diagnosis it was thought I had cancer and during the course of biopsies, I suffered a punctured lung on three occasions.

My DSis told me the family member and her side of the family "would never forgive me" if I didn't go to the wedding.

And just to give away my location, my UK city is a coronavirus hotspot and there is talk of a lockdown.

What would you do?

You are really not being unreasonable, and events will overtake this, things will happen fast.

I had someone cancel their attendance to my wedding (4 years ago) a couple of days before due to then having a mental health crisis at the time. As a bride, you can be gutted because you want that person there but you understand that their health comes first.

If the family member is usually level headed, out this down to the current situation. Faced with losing several thousand and not having at your wedding is shit, that can make the best of us be a little bratty. That doesn’t mean you need to put yourself in any danger though.

Just bluff and tell them you're going. It's likely to be cancelled now so you won't be at fault.
If that doesn't happen then you don't go.

elQuintoConyo - flying monkey

I also expect it will be cancelled within the next week. If it’s not, I wouldn’t go. This will get much worse before it gets better and your relative would be very unreasonable to hold your non-attendance against you.

This wedding isn't happening. Don't worry about it.

LiktheBred, the person getting married will understand, it's my other relative, DSis, who fears a family row and family meetings "being awkward" for years to come afterwards.

It's such a shame as I have really been looking forward to going. I would be uncomfortable at the wedding too, as not only would I be worrying about catching CV, I would worry that I have it and could pass it on to someone else.

Totally agree with the PP making the point about needing a ventilator in a situation that could have been avoided!

Firstly, the wedding isn't happening. Secondly, if things get Italy - bad, your history may mean you wouldn't get a ventilator if you got sick. Take care of your self.

WTF no tell them to sod off. If they really value you as a member of the family, surely they'd want to do anything and everything to ensure you don't die?! I've got a Christening at the end of march and out of 70 people, 67 have now dropped out. It's a hazard of the current events and I absolutely wouldn't hold it against anyone. If it wasn't my own baby's Christening I wouldn't go either!

I would offer the bride the free hotel room, to do with what she wants. She'll understand you can't be there.

If you’re in London, you probably won’t be able to go anyway.

Tell your stupid sister to wind her neck in.

Firstly, you’d be MAD to go!!

I’m pleased you’ve recovered from those things, but you’re still vulnerable.

I wouldn’t go even if the bride was begging, but she’s not...it’s just your sister making a problem where none exists.

The bride should cancel the wedding anyway- well the reception anyway, they can still get married if they still want to.

Ask them if they'd ever forgive themselves if you attending the wedding caused you to die. Some people need a harsh but true response.

Don't go. People should be understanding but sadly some aren't. If you want an excuse you have a perfect one!

Chances are over the next few days gatherings over a certain size will be stopped. The wedding may be too large to carry on.

Thanks folks, yes I am in London.

eyeswide, I already asked brides to be how they would feel if someone came to their wedding and got ill, and perhaps even died, and they said, "That's not our fault. They could have picked it up anywhere."

A wedding is not exactly social distancing...
I think the Government’s message may have been too nuanced.

I’m in London and I am assuming we will lockdown before too long - problem solved.

“Dear Bride I would love to come but funnily enough attending a wedding is not on the list of permitted lockdown activities. Please find enclosed your gift of 2 loo rolls and a tin of tomatoes.”

The current advice is that this kind of event should not be happening. Madness. Though it is has been poorly communicated. An enforced lock down will have to be ordered soon. Maybe/maybe not within the week. In France and others, you need written permission to leave the house. Don’t go.

I wouldn't go, and if the family members "will never forgive you" then stuff them. Your health is more important, and if they can't get that then they are very shallow and not worth worrying about.

Chaz

Talkingmouse - I told them that the advice was to avoid weddings and they disputed it, saying they hadn't heard Boris specify weddings. I told them it had been on the 6 o'clock news and they said they hadn't heard that.

When I said that my city may be on lockdown soon, and that extra mortuaries were being built, they told me to stop listening to the news.

I’d be very surprised if it goes ahead. Most venues are taking the decision not to proceed with events under the government advice now, let alone in a few weeks

Honestly I'd tell them you spoke to your GP who told you not to travel and you would be taking his/her advice
They'll get over it.

Don’t risk your health.

The wedding might not even go ahead.

The reality is that no-one will think you are stupid or cowardly or foolish as we go further into this crisis.

Absolutely do not go. I went to a wedding last week before the announcement and they had already had guests cancel then. Anyone who goes a head with weddings at this time (IMO completely irresponsible, although I do really feel for them having to cancel) needs to understand that half their guests won’t attend. Weddings are a complete nightmare in terms of spreading illness.

I don't think the wedding will go ahead either.

They are expecting you to risk your life, have they given you a reason as to why you should risk your life? (That takes selfish to a whole new level).