Under pressure to attend a forthcoming wedding

[Plantlover101]

Hello, I'm in my 50s and a close family member is getting married in a week's time.

Several months ago I booked a hotel room at the venue in another city.

That was before coronavirus. The venue (a hotel) won't cancel the wedding unless ordered to by the govt. The hotel staff actually told me this. Family member stands to lose several Ks if they cancel, so understandably they want the wedding to go ahead.

I have asthma - well controlled until I get colds or flu, when it is much worse - and I was treated with drugs for 2 years for a lung disease, now cured. Before that diagnosis it was thought I had cancer and during the course of biopsies, I suffered a punctured lung on three occasions.

My DSis told me the family member and her side of the family "would never forgive me" if I didn't go to the wedding.

And just to give away my location, my UK city is a coronavirus hotspot and there is talk of a lockdown.

What would you do?

I wouldnt go because
a. If you got it, you won't think 'oh well, it was worth it as I had a great time at the wedding, I can die happy'
b. The people pressuring you don't give a shit about your health.
People at the wedding will have the virus.

I don’t think these people are your friends. Friends wouldn’t disregard your safety.

Look, they’re going to keep throwing their denialism and guilt tripping at you for every argument you put up no matter how reasonable.
Stop feeding their drama. Bride gets it, that’s all you need to know and all you need to say is:
“Sorry, I’m not coming, That’s my last word on it other than all best wishes to the happy couple.“

extra mortuaries were being built

Is this a real thing??

asked brides to be how they would feel if someone came to their wedding and got ill, and perhaps even died, and they said, "That's not our fault. They could have picked it up anywhere.

Nice.
They are very irresponsible to put £££’s over the risk of people getting ill, spreading disease, dying or suffering long term lung damage. People with attitudes like this, & the guests that are agreeing to still go, are the reason it’s spreading & the hospitals will have to pick & choose who to give ventilators & oxygen to.

I'm pleased you confirmed you were in London. It's such a small place that I wouldnt have possibly have known by your "talk of a lockdown".

400Pound

metro.co.uk/2020/03/18/huge-mortuary-set-behind-coroners-court-ready-coronavirus-deaths-12419307/

www.msn.com/en-gb/news/coronavirus/coronavirus-uk-officials-told-to-create-extra-mortuary-space-as-government-admits-outbreak-could-trigger-surge-in-deaths-of-vulnerable-and-elderly/ar-BB10FV0s?li=BBoPRmx

I wouldn't go now even if it suddenly goes away, they sound like horrible people! They clearly think their wedding is the most important thing in the world. Just tell her if you go to the wedding you might not make the divorce party.

They’d never forgive you if they didn’t go?

I bet they wouldn’t have any trouble forgiving themselves though if you caught Coronavirus and became very unwell...

Put yourself first. Don’t go. They’re being utterly, utterly selfish.

Your sister - or the relatives she thinks will be deeply offending - are idiots. The advice about not undertaking unnecessarily travel couldn't be clearer, and you presumably come into the vulnerable list who are supposed to be self-isolating from the weekend anyway. Plus, if London goes into lockdown you risk getting arrested into the bargain.

Stay at home!

DD and her DP had two invitations for London weddings: one for next week and one for mid-April. They have both been cancelled.

op my dr & I talked about my asthma (which is milder than yours I think) & we decided to start on my "preventer" twice a day - may I suggest you do the same?
& don't go
send a lovely card & send a email/telegram to be read a the wedding (think funny & slightly rude is good )

Just tell them you can't stop coughing and have a terrible temperature.

dd has a notable bday soon & was doing a party she has delayed it to October

I'm pleased you confirmed you were in London. It's such a small place that I wouldnt have possibly have known by your "talk of a lockdown".

The guidance now says those with asthma to be more careful - see attachment. No way I’d go! We are supposed to be socially distancing. A wedding is not that!

It's won't go ahead we will be in lockdown by then, with only work and food places left to go.

I wouldn't worry too much.

Do you know what? Weddings are important only to the bride, groom and possibly their parents. To everyone else, it’s lovely to be invited and they are happy for you and happy to celebrate but really it’s not that big a deal. Certainly not something to be literally risking your life over.
Your sister need to stop over dramatising the effects of your absence from this wedding (while at the same time seemingly under dramatising the effects of the crisis which is engulfing the whole world )
You’d think anyone who thought of you as a key guest would also think of you as someone they would like to see alive and well in 6 months time. People astonish me with their selfishness.

In years to come, they are going to be MORTIFIED they ever took any kind of stance other than We completely understand, it's terrible isn't it. If they have a shred of decency, that is.

You know you mustn't go. It's not only common sense, but guidelines are there to protect vulnerable people. It's not worth the risk. Plus if you did go and got ill as a result, you would feel forever guilty that you did that, caught it, and passed it on to others, which would happen - it couldn't not. You're better than that, OP.

Thanks everyone for your support. I feel very encouraged. I'm taking coronavirus seriously but my family aren't. They live in a different part of the country and think they're "safe" there. Which I hope they are as I don't want anything to happen to them or for anyone to fall ill!

But in the face of their resistance I've wondered if I'm being paranoid or overreacting. If coronavirus weren't an issue, I'd be getting out my best hat and getting really excited.

Mumwon Do people still send telegrams these days? I've been at weddings where they were read out and think they're a great idea.

I agree with PPs suggesting a white lie and not cancelling. It likely won’t go ahead and, if it does, you will just have to say you’re ill a couple of days before.

Just been announced that London shops could be closed by the weekend and transport restricted so in all likelihood wedding will not happen as planned

Anyone who didn't forgive you for not going would be ridiculous, stay safe

Anyone who would be annoyed with you for looking after your own health in a time like this is not someone worth knowing or worrying about. Look after yourself! :)