Under pressure to attend a forthcoming wedding

[Plantlover101]

Hello, I'm in my 50s and a close family member is getting married in a week's time.

Several months ago I booked a hotel room at the venue in another city.

That was before coronavirus. The venue (a hotel) won't cancel the wedding unless ordered to by the govt. The hotel staff actually told me this. Family member stands to lose several Ks if they cancel, so understandably they want the wedding to go ahead.

I have asthma - well controlled until I get colds or flu, when it is much worse - and I was treated with drugs for 2 years for a lung disease, now cured. Before that diagnosis it was thought I had cancer and during the course of biopsies, I suffered a punctured lung on three occasions.

My DSis told me the family member and her side of the family "would never forgive me" if I didn't go to the wedding.

And just to give away my location, my UK city is a coronavirus hotspot and there is talk of a lockdown.

What would you do?

You did the right thing but i think it's a time to show sympathy and a bit of grace with a bride who's wedding has been canceled. It must be very disappointing. Unless she's outright obnoxious to you I'd let her be a bit off and let it go.

You made the right decision OP.

In a couple of weeks this will all seem so trivial.

Stay self isolating.

Give yourself the best chance.

Thanks everyone. I did wonder if I had precipitated the cancellation of the wedding as my niece told me that it was cancelled because "too many key people would not be attending". But I'm sure it was called off because of the greater restrictions being imposed.

I actually don't regret telling her I wasn't going. This pandemic is very serious. People are dying and many more will die.

If there are family tensions in the long term because of my actions then so be it.

Florababy I've shown nothing but sympathy and grace towards her in my dealings with her. I would not dream of trying to make her feel worse.

Maybe I'm an unromantic old cynic, and I expect to be flamed for this, but I think weddings are a rip-off. I don't understand why people don't just spend £50 on a registry office service then just have a big party afterwards?

A friend of mine got married a few years ago in a castle, where rooms for guests were £200 a night. They spent a fortune on the wedding. They are now separated and one of them is seeing someone else.
Just saying.

If people will be annoyed if you put your health first then they cannot possibly love or even like you. Surely no one should be going and the wedding shouldn't be happening at all. Attending a wedding is NOT social distancing ffs.

OP, the only consolation in this specific situation is that Boris has specifically noted weddings in his address last night. Your cancellation has been justified. Even if you (and other guests) has not cancelled, the wedding would be cancelled now anyway.

I do wonder if your disapproval of their wedding has come across to them might explain why they particularly irked with you.