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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Under pressure to attend a forthcoming wedding

182 replies

Plantlover101 · 18/03/2020 21:04

Hello, I'm in my 50s and a close family member is getting married in a week's time.

Several months ago I booked a hotel room at the venue in another city.

That was before coronavirus. The venue (a hotel) won't cancel the wedding unless ordered to by the govt. The hotel staff actually told me this. Family member stands to lose several Ks if they cancel, so understandably they want the wedding to go ahead.

I have asthma - well controlled until I get colds or flu, when it is much worse - and I was treated with drugs for 2 years for a lung disease, now cured. Before that diagnosis it was thought I had cancer and during the course of biopsies, I suffered a punctured lung on three occasions.

My DSis told me the family member and her side of the family "would never forgive me" if I didn't go to the wedding.

And just to give away my location, my UK city is a coronavirus hotspot and there is talk of a lockdown.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Miisty · 20/03/2020 05:42

Only 5people now can attend weddings now so please don't go your health is much more important .There is going to be so many people with upset plans over the next few weeks

MsTSwift · 20/03/2020 05:50

I feel sorry for them though what bad luck.

hettie · 20/03/2020 06:00

Send them a link to the news story about a recent wedding in woolongong Australia.

MarshaBradyo · 20/03/2020 06:04

Whatever you do don’t go.

Allthebestusernameshavegone · 20/03/2020 06:37

I’m fit and healthy and I wouldn’t go!

vintanner · 20/03/2020 19:32

Don't go.

It may yet be cancelled and will prob. be limited to 5 guests anyway.

makingmammaries · 21/03/2020 04:47

Of course you can’t go, no matter what emotional blackmail anyone tries. Stay home, OP. I have asthma similar to yours and would not consider going.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/03/2020 05:47

Look how things are going in the country. I’d still just pretend that you’re going right now. You niece and sister will hopefully see for their own eyes the impact of shops / pubs / gyms shutting over the next few days.

ChillinInMyBacta · 21/03/2020 05:50

Times are different now, family awkwardness be damned.

Crackerofdoom · 21/03/2020 06:06

OP, I really hope you stand your ground.

In a few weeks time, when the situation has moved on, your sister will be looking back at what she said and feeling like a bit of a moron.

user1480880826 · 21/03/2020 06:12

Don’t go. The wedding needs to be postponed.

81Byerley · 21/03/2020 06:33

I don't really understand how in these scary times people still don't realise how serious this is. You definitely shouldn't go. I think the venue will have to cancel anyway, now pubs clubs and restaurants are closed.

Mintjulia · 21/03/2020 06:38

It’s not 5 guests, it’s five people - bride, groom, registrar, two witnesses.

Helpmechangemymindsetplease · 21/03/2020 06:46

Her mum side of the family will be annoyed though.

The brass neck of some people. Would these same people care if you became ill?Pardon me but fuck’em and please please don’t go.

Helpmechangemymindsetplease · 21/03/2020 06:47

Sorry, that was rude but I am shocked that they could be so ignorant.

radioband · 21/03/2020 06:55

Has it not been cancelled now? My friend has ended up having to cancel hers now due to the latest announcement. I was feeling exactly how you do about it but luckily it's been taken out my hands.

StealingYourWiFi · 21/03/2020 07:03

I cancelled on a wedding Sunday which is still going ahead. I cancelled because I work in a hospital which is soon to take on extra workload. Also I cancelled because I'm not an idiot.

Original poster

Plantlover101 · 22/03/2020 04:42

Hi folks, sorry not to update sooner but got caught up with stuff.

I actually called my niece (the bride) on Friday and told her I had decided to follow govt and medical advice and not travel to the wedding, not only for my own safety but everyone else's - the virus is spreading swiftly in London and I may be infected without knowing it. She was like 'Uh, right, yeah, I understand.' She didn't say much but I assumed it was because she was at work.

Then just a few hours later she posted online that the wedding was cancelled.

Called my DSis today (not the bride's mum but my other sis) and she said, sympathetically, "If only you'd waited a few more hours the decision would have been made for you."

I rang my niece straight after that to say I was sorry to hear what had happened. Even though I'd told her I wouldn't be there I wanted to let her know I was thinking of her.

This time she wasn't at work and was quite off with me. She didn't mention that she could postpone the wedding without losing any money, which DSis had told me, only how miserable her and her partner had been at the ceremony being called off.

It's now been rearranged for late summer/ early autumn but my mate, a hospital nurse, reckons that won't go ahead either as Covid19 will still be raging.

So back on the merry-go-round I go.... Thanks all for your support.

Our family dynamics can be strange and have historically been marked by rivalries and envy.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/03/2020 04:50

Your dsis is right, is a shame you didn’t wait a little longer. Send her a card if you want saying that much as you are so very sad for her, you will be so happy to be able to celebrate with her once the current crisis has passed. She’s probably young.... and pissed off. She doesn’t understand about chronic illness. You will know to play this differently next time.

Helpmechangemymindsetplease · 22/03/2020 05:34

I don’t think it’s a shame you didn’t wait. At all. You did the right thing and maybe you helped catalyse the decision to postpone the wedding, which is also a really good thing.

The dynamics sound like really hard work, I’m sorry.

MarshaBradyo · 22/03/2020 05:53

No it’s fine you said it. She’s most likely just sad and annoyed rather than your call.

mathanxiety · 22/03/2020 06:03

You did the right thing.

Someone needed to impress on them that there is a great big world out there beyond their little wedding bubble.

Tescodelivery · 22/03/2020 06:07

This time she wasn't at work and was quite off with me

She's most likely upset about the wedding.being cancelled. You probably caught her at a bad time as she's understandably disappointed.

The venue will have cancelled as will many of the guests.

If she is annoyed with you then her annoyance is misdirected.

Tescodelivery · 22/03/2020 06:10

I don’t think it’s a shame you didn’t wait. At all. You did the right thing and maybe you helped catalyse the decision to postpone the wedding, which is also a really good thing.

I don't think the decision to cancel had anything to do with the OP.

The venue will have closed along with every bar and restaurant, leisure facility.

ChasingRainbows19 · 22/03/2020 06:17

No you were right. You took the right advice. Lots of disappointed people all around the country for lots of different reasons but this is so serious and she will have to suck it up it's not forever
This virus has exposed how inherently selfish some are deep down.

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