To feel a bit robbed

[codenameduchess]

While I adore both of my children I can't help but feel robbed of my maternity leave.

Eldest is in reception so will be at home from Friday, youngest is 4 months so I'm still on mat leave meaning we're lucky in that there are no childcare problems

But obviously the time I had just me and baby is now gone, he will not get any of the lovely special time I got with the eldest and by the time (god willing) schools are back and we have some normality back I will have to go back to work.

There are much bigger problems I know, I just needed to acknowledge it as this is my last baby and I'm sad that maternity leave is this.... I don't know what, it's stressful and anxiety ridden and I can't really process it all.

I want to hug my baby's tight and keep them safe forever but at the same time I'm resenting not having our lives.

Yes the whole thing is stressful, and I mean this is the nicest way possible, but I think you need some perspective.

If your family are safe and healthy, you have no childcare issues, and you still have income, you are among the lucky ones right now.

Congratulations on your baby

Jesus.

I'm on ML too. Everyone else I know feels exactly the same way too. It's shit and you're totally allowed to be upset about it.

You can be upset but ffs , many people are facing really serious problems at the moment.

I am absolutely grateful, but it's valid to feel this way still. I'm not going to be kicking off or moaning, we'll make the best of it and carry on supporting our elderly neighbours however they need because that's all we can do.

But it's ok to feel like something has been taken away when you've been planning and waiting for it for so long.

Wow

In the nicest possible way please get a grip.

I understand OP, you are allowed to be disappointed. I've had a load of sporting events cancelled that I've spent all winter getting fit for. I know it's not important and of course I am scared for my family and worried about the future. But it is not a crime to feel crap about things that matter to you.

You are allowed to be upset about it - just like people are whose weddings or holidays are cancelled - but I would advise not posting about it on mumsnet

It’s more than a little tactless to post this right now OP. While your feelings may be valid, there are people losing jobs, potentially homes, their lives and basically everything.

Those people would switch places with you in a heartbeat to have your “problems”

Mums of twins never have the months of one-on-one time.
Baby is not going to remember or feel that he has missed out.
Compared to many parents of young children you are very lucky indeed as you are off work and can keep the DCs away from others. Lots of parents would love to be in your position.

Many people have been planning and hoping for job security, housing security and their health for a long time too.
You can’t help the way you feel but you are coming across as a massive twat. Sorry. Sort yourself out and get some perspective.

Of all the situations to be in right now - ie losing thousands cos you can't work, dying, etc - yours is probably the best.

Oh diddums you poor darling having given birth to a much wanted baby as well as having an older one you adore you poor thing having the luxury of time off with your only worry being sharing that time off with your elder beloved child. Poor poor OP!

FFS are we only allowed to post about critical problems now. It's not a race to the bottom.

I went back to work when DC was 22 weeks because I just missed out on an extension to 6 months. I can see why you'd be upset. I loved mat leave and would have felt a bit cheated.

Gosh. I am actually lost for words. What utter self absorption.

Crickets. Nobody is denying the disappointment but it’s a bit crass to moan about it publicly. It’s really not a fucking issue at the moment. We’re all “disappointed”.

This is not in any way an actual problem, op. Crass thing to post, really.

I don't think You're being selfish at all OP- I totally understand where you're coming from. I was on maternity leave last year and I'm so glad it's not this year- not just because of the closed schools- but the fact all the activities for babies are now cancelled - so I'm gutted I'm missing out on messy play activity groups with my 14 month old - but glad I had that time last year.
It isn't selfish at all - yes people have it worse off and it needs to be looked at in perspective- but for you that is your issue and you have every right to feel like that xxx

They'll build a tighter bond by being together more ☺

FFS are we only allowed to post about critical problems now. It's not a race to the bottom.

Yes apparently you can only turn to MN for critical problems these days... there is no space for support now only panic and name calling.

Ffs I'm a new mum, completely isolated, facing the very real possibility of losing the small amount of family I have left, crippled with anxiety but yes I'm a massive twat because I'm trying to process it a bit at a time and thought a place specifically there to support parents was a place to turn in the absence of any friends or family.

Spare a thought OP. Mat leave with my eldest was spent listening to him crying constantly, dealing with PND and anxiety and wishing I could go back to work. With my youngest, I had a two year old home as well. My job was made redundant just before I left and at three weeks post c-section I had to apply for jobs I wanted to be redeployed into. Wasn't even any bloody coronavirus then.

Even by MN standards, I'm astounded by the lack of compassion on this thread.

Valid to feel it. No need to share it though...its untentionally rubbing in that your family is so secure in all this that your only worry is a lack of bonding time and chilled out days with your baby!

But you aren't a new mum. You already have an older child that you are going to get to spend more time with, not even in a critical school year. In the 21st century, you can Skype/Facetime friends and family.