To feel a bit robbed

[codenameduchess]

While I adore both of my children I can't help but feel robbed of my maternity leave.

Eldest is in reception so will be at home from Friday, youngest is 4 months so I'm still on mat leave meaning we're lucky in that there are no childcare problems

But obviously the time I had just me and baby is now gone, he will not get any of the lovely special time I got with the eldest and by the time (god willing) schools are back and we have some normality back I will have to go back to work.

There are much bigger problems I know, I just needed to acknowledge it as this is my last baby and I'm sad that maternity leave is this.... I don't know what, it's stressful and anxiety ridden and I can't really process it all.

I want to hug my baby's tight and keep them safe forever but at the same time I'm resenting not having our lives.

You're right. There are much bigger things to be worrying about.

Be thankful your healthy and available to look after your children.

Why are people being so horrible? Yes, there are many others with worse issues. Yes, this virus can and will kill people. But that doesn't mean no one else is allowed to be upset about how it will affect their lives in other ways.

OP I totally understand how you feel. You will never get that time back

Are you for real ???

FFS
Do you not realise how comparatively lucky you are?

Some very cunty replies on this thread.

No, just replies from people who have to go on unpaid leave from work for goodness knows how long because they have nobody to look after their children. Replies from people who don't know how they're going to pay their rent or bills as a result. People who still need to go to work because their jobs are considered essential but knowing they have nobody to care for their children.

No, just replies from people who have to go on unpaid leave from work for goodness knows how long because they have nobody to look after their children. Replies from people who don't know how they're going to pay their rent or bills as a result. People who still need to go to work because their jobs are considered essential but knowing they have nobody to care for their children.

Really doesn't mean that anyone lucky enough not to have these issues isn't allowed to feel upset by all this.

Really doesn't mean that anyone lucky enough not to have these issues isn't allowed to feel upset by all this.

Of course not, but there's a time and a place. I don't think a thread like this is a particularly sensible idea at a time where people are terrified for their homes and livelihoods.

Valid to feel it. No need to share it though...its untentionally rubbing in that your family is so secure in all this that your only worry is a lack of bonding time and chilled out days with your baby

This. Your feelings are 100% valid. But come on- are you expecting people who have lost loved ones or lost their jobs or are seriously worried where their rent/mortgage is coming from to sympathise with you?
This isn't about you not being allowed your feelings, its about having a bit of sensitivity for what is a relatively first world problem with regard to a virus that is literally ruining people's lives and THAT is why you are getting this reaction. Your timing is awful. Have some sensitivity FFS.

Totally understand.
I've just had my first (she's 4wks old tomorrow) and been ill the whole time - we've been in and out of hospital until a couple of days ago. I haven't slept properly in months due to a health problem and now we've finally escaped the hospital the shit has hit the fan with Coronavirus.

Just heard the news that the schools are closing so the dreadful kids next door will be screaming and banging all day - the only break I get from them is when they go to school. I'll get no peace and quiet with my daughter at all and we won't be able to go anywhere if everything is on lockdown. We already lost our bonding time as we were both so ill, we now can't go to any classes or do anything nice as a family

This will be our only baby (can't go through the nhs lack of care almost killing me again plus I'm late 30s so getting a bit old). My whole maternity leave will be taken up by this pandemic and the aftermath, as I'm not intending to stay off long, then back to work full time. I'm gutted it's happened at such a bad time and I can't even take my daughter to see relatives (elderly and in care) as we can't risk her catching anything with her having a hard start in life.

We'd planned a lovely spring and summer as a family with lots of activities as i struggle to get any time with my DP due to our work schedules. All that is ruined.

OP I feel the same

Good grief...Just stunned that that should even concern you, OP.... Babies love company, spend time with both your children..?How on earth can you possibly feel ''cheated?''...Imagine how the older one would feel if he knew you wanted him out of the way so you could play just with the 'new' baby..My goodness, no wonder older children can get jealous...It sounds like a very trivial 'problem' at a time of massive financial insecurity for so many of us..

W O W

Yep l get you are disappointed and things aren’t going to be the way you had hoped / planned. But at least this isn’t about being unemployed / homeless / ill / dead. Lots of people are bracing themselves for that

Personally l can’t even seem to get pregnant once, never mind more than that. So for me this is a “my diamond shoes are too tight” post lm afraid, l would love the worry of childcare issues or maternity leave not the way l hoped. Like a lot of us at the moment you need to suck up your disappointment

To be fair, regardless of the global pandemic going on right now I'd still be

I went back before 4 months with both of mine. My work needed me and I needed the money 🤷🏻‍♀️

You're only feeling "robbed" because you're letting yourself feel robbed. You can 100% shape your own emotions on this.

Many, many people don't get the luxury of a mat leave without other children unless it's their first. Doesn't the US get a matter of weeks maternity leave?

As I said, regardless of the pandemic, try to get some perspective OP.

Oh and it appears that fertility treatment is cancelled for the foreseeable. So any IVF stuff is drifting even further away. So yeah my motherhood dreams are even further away of late

@EL8888

I am really really sorry

Honestly, I think you need to think about this again.

My first mat leave was eaten up dealing with a seriously ill baby, surgeries, post-surgical therapies, and appointments coming out of my ears.

My second one was eaten up by double redundancy so everyone being at home, then me having to deal with running the house alone while my husband worked away in the week, leaving me in a rural area with no car and a disabled elder child.

I’ve never had a ‘normal’ maternity leave.

This stuff happens.

This really isn't a time for "Only certain feelings matter" and "Only certain people deserve support"

This is going to take a huge toll on people's mental health. Are you all really going to shout down any poster who has a problem you don't feel is worthy or catastrophic enough?

OP is just talking about how she feels and that should be encouraged more than ever at the moment.

I feel really lucky, I work in the same school as my child. Worst comes to the worst I’ll take my child into work with me whilst we continue to educate front line workers. My income is little and will just keep our family afloat while my self employed husband has had nothing this week or the coming weeks. It feels quite bleak but we will survive - I hope. Your maternity plans haven’t gone to plan.

Politely as possible ‘poor you darling”

I sympathise. When my youngest was a similar age we hit a massive financial crisis. To make ends meet I took care of a friends baby 40 hours a week and she paid me the going childminding rate.

It was a good arrangement that paid for our groceries and enabled us to keep paying the mortgage but I’ve always regretted that I didn’t have that special time with my baby, but had to split my attention 2 ways.

Life doesn’t always work out the way we planned. You won’t have that time alone with the baby but your eldest and them will have time together they wouldn’t have had otherwise.

You've highlighted what I previously posted so I will respond.

Your feelings are valid, however, at times like this it might be a good idea to look at your situation versus others.

Please don't take this as criticism as that is not my intention, but does what you're feeling really warrant a thread at the moment?

You have the luxury of being at home with both your children, I really can't understand what more you want.

*Even by MN standards, I'm astounded by the lack of compassion on this thread.

Absolutely this.

You’ve still got your maternity leave though, you’ve not been “robbed” of it. Surely you would want more time with both your children and to keep them both safe from germs etc?