Not invited to the day do AIBU

[Mumofyoungteenagers]

I know, I get it, it’s the Bride and Grooms day, but you see I offered as a wedding gift as they were struggling with costs, to pay for a big item for the wedding. It was my pleasure to help them have a dream day. They’re friends I think a lot of them and I know what it’s like to struggle for an event like this.

Recently I’ve been more than usually ill so have been out of circulation for just over 8 weeks but have been messengering etc. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been unincluded on a few things that I was originally due to be included in without being told I’m unicluded. only found out by seeing pictures on Facebook that sort of things. I shrugged it off as they knew I’d been pretty poorly and had assumed (probably correctly) that I wasn’t up to it. But I thought it would have been nice just to have had it confirmed with me that I wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been waiting for the bill for the wedding item to come in (kind of expecting it within the next few weeks) Wedding in August, only to come home to an invite arriving through the post for the evening only!

The thing I’m paying for (don’t want to say what as it would ‘out’ me) is most defo day time only thing and I’m gutted that I won’t be able to see it in the setting of the wedding and only being included in the evening which is a bit of a hike from me.

I’m trying not to be all “stuff you”, trying to be all “it’s their day” but I’m genuinely disappointed that I’m not invited to the day. AIBU? What would you do?

Usually I think people talking about only getting invites to evenings, no kids, no plus ones are being cheeky but YANBU
Bride and groom are grabby fuckers and I’d be withdrawing my offer to pay for the item

Guessing it's the cake ?
We only had family at day time meal as husbands immediate family was 30.

Why on earth would you pay for something

I would not buy an expensive gift for someone who didn’t invite me to their wedding.

Have you paid for final balance? Most wedding suppliers we dealt with didn’t want final payment until closer to the wedding date. If not, I think you know what to do.

It's hard to say as none of us can tell how close you are to the couple. That said they could have declined the expensive gift if they weren't inviting you to the day.

They must value your relationship less than you do, it's the only explanation that I can understand, but it's still bloody rude of them!
If you rescind the gift now it might look childish, but how clear were you when you made the offer? Can you downgrade it in any way? If you offered to pay for the cake for example, could you now put in £80 towards the cake or something?

Your friends are grabby and thoughtless.

I wouldn't pay the final balance. They will probably fall out with you, but is that a loss after being treated so shabbily while you've been ill?

How much have you said you will
Spend on their gift?

YABU. As someone who is planning a wedding at the moment with a limited number of seats due to finance as much as I would have loved my night guests to attend the wedding day it just wasn't affordable. Family take priority especially if the parents have contributed money and if like in my case this has happened there will only be room for a few extra guests after this. I'm sure the bride and groom would have loved to also have you there for the day, sometimes you have to accept this is not always possible and they have to prioritise guests. Guest lists are the most stressful part of planning because there is always someone who takes offence.

Cancel the cheque!!

Flowers?

Withdraw your offer, cheeky fuckers.

@Undomesticgodde55 of course weddings have limits, but would you accept a gift like that without inviting the person gifting? Surely you’d decline the offer of the gift as you wouldn’t want the embarrassment of accepting said gift then only inviting for the evening?

i think on this occasion i would call them out on it, regardless of the outcome i think this friendship is fucked forever anyway so you have nothing to lose

I think it is unfair of them to accept such an expensive gift from an evening only guest. Very rude in fact.

Did you have any say in the choice of gift or are they choosing and you paying?

They can whistle for the expensive gift.

I’d not pay, even if that does come across as petty or difficult. Why should you worry about their feelings about a frivolous wedding item when they aren’t worried about your feelings? The offence has already been caused, and it came from them, not you.

Don't pay for the item, cancel it if you are in touch with the vendor. They obviously don't appreciate it or see your relationship the same way you do.

I would definitely not pay. And I'd tell them why.

That's awful behaviour! I also would not pay and tell them to shove their evening invite.

@cacaca Op hasn't said what the gift was or how expensive it is. It could be a £50 bouquet which wouldn't even cover the cost of her meal. She also hasn't said if she insisted - it was gifted to her friends as a wedding gift. Even for an evening party a gift is expected.

Cancel the cheque.

Nah that's fucking rude @Undomesticgodde55 . Fair enough its expensive and difficult to do the guest list but they should not have accepted the gift.

I'd have to say something, and I wouldn't pay. That's pretty CF behaviour.