Not invited to the day do AIBU

[Mumofyoungteenagers]

I know, I get it, it’s the Bride and Grooms day, but you see I offered as a wedding gift as they were struggling with costs, to pay for a big item for the wedding. It was my pleasure to help them have a dream day. They’re friends I think a lot of them and I know what it’s like to struggle for an event like this.

Recently I’ve been more than usually ill so have been out of circulation for just over 8 weeks but have been messengering etc. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been unincluded on a few things that I was originally due to be included in without being told I’m unicluded. only found out by seeing pictures on Facebook that sort of things. I shrugged it off as they knew I’d been pretty poorly and had assumed (probably correctly) that I wasn’t up to it. But I thought it would have been nice just to have had it confirmed with me that I wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been waiting for the bill for the wedding item to come in (kind of expecting it within the next few weeks) Wedding in August, only to come home to an invite arriving through the post for the evening only!

The thing I’m paying for (don’t want to say what as it would ‘out’ me) is most defo day time only thing and I’m gutted that I won’t be able to see it in the setting of the wedding and only being included in the evening which is a bit of a hike from me.

I’m trying not to be all “stuff you”, trying to be all “it’s their day” but I’m genuinely disappointed that I’m not invited to the day. AIBU? What would you do?

UPDATE Dragon Pulled Golden Carriage available for booking in... http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3845703-UPDATE-Dragon-Pulled-Golden-Carriage-available-for-booking-in-August

Wow £600 is a lot of money and can’t beleive you have saved for this for her

If she wanted that mode of transport badly she should have saved for it herself

Even as an all day guest it’s a huge amount to pay as a gift

£600 😳😳

OMG OP, for real? I mean they really shouldn’t be accepting gifts/money for that amount and then only inviting you to the night doo.

That is spectacularly out of order.... however I think that as kind as it is if you, it’s well over and above what the vast majority of wedding guests would pay for. I feel like you’ve been used really because they didn’t need to accept it. I certainly wouldn’t have from any guest!!

I mean I wouldn’t accept that amount of money from guests

It won't be a stylish marriage,
We can't afford a carriage,
But she'll look sweet
Upon the seat,
Of a bicycle made for two.

@Zombimum

😂🤣👏 brilliant!

UPDATE Dragon Pulled Golden Carriage available for booking in August166
Yesterday 22:40Mumofyoungteenagers

For all of you who read my not being invited to the day AIBU were wondering the outcome of my either, brilliant/rubbish/begging text or wether I was stupid to offer/ a good friend/ or only doing it to buy an invite here’s the update.

REPLY TEXT “Hi mumof...... yes I thought you might be disappointed in not receiving a day invite, and I know you would have loved to see me arrive at the ceremony, but I’m sure you’ll understand that as a bride I have to make some decisions that might be hurtful to others. But you’ll also understand that there is no malice intended, I’ll make sure you get to see all the photos so you’ll still get to see it.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you face to face, but you’ve been so poorly and I didn’t think you’d want to be disturbed by me calling round.

I’ll pop round for a coffee and a chat when you’re better, maybe you can help me choose gifts for the BM’s?

Hugs (bride)

MY REPLY..... Dear Bride, I think you may be disappointed to read this text, but I’m sure you’ll understand that as a ex friend I have to make decisions that might be hurtful to others. Obviously you’ll also understand that there is no malice intended, but I will not be making any more payments towards the dragon pulled golden carriage for your wedding,

I’m afraid also won’t be able to attend your weddings evening do as I’ll be on holiday with (hubs) but I’ll make sure you get to see all the photos so you’ll get to see where I went.

I’m sorry I’m not able to tell you face to face, but I don’t want make myself even more poorly by calling round.

Mumof........

I guess that’s the friendship over. Been crying a bit (a lot) hence the delay in replying. But it was a genuine offer at the time, I guess I shouldn’t have made it, but she was so sad at not having the dragon that I thought what better gift than this, she’s got enough toasters. I suppose gifts shouldn’t come with strings but I really was looking forward to being at the wedding I would have wanted to be there gift or no, but the tone of the reply was so dismissive I couldn’t bear to go or pay. And I tried not to be nasty but I feel so hurt. Hubs though is defo taking me away, illness allowing. (Silver lining)

Now of course I’ll be worried about how awful her day will be, no bride should have her day ruined etc etc. The drugs I’m currently being blitzed on do make me more melancholic and anxious but I’m a worrier anyway.

I hope I made the right decision....

Good for you. I’d have felt the same, struggled with the decision the same, and cancelled the same. So you have your holiday with DH and look after yourself.

“as a bride” indeed

Oh wow, what a reply.

She could have asked you rather than assume you’d feel too poorly??

Deflection & awful horrible person.

Sorry she made you feel like this

Gosh, she is one entitled bride-to-be. What a presumptive response! I am so sorry to hear you have gone through this nastiness given you clearly have your own health concerns. Have a fantastic break away with the hubster- he sounds a true friend

Why would you start a new thread though?

Eh? this thread only has 363 messages, just post your update here OP.

Can't wait for thread 3! What will happen next?! I'm hooked.

As this post was getting bogged down

What, in your opinion, constitutes 'getting bogged down'?

Was the title not going to be interesting enough for Classics, so you thought 'Dragon Pulled Golden Carriage' was snazzier than 'Not invited to day do AIBU'?

^^ in a nutshell.

TBH I seem to be in the minority here but I’m not sure that you’re are not unreasonable.

She should not have accepted your offer if it is a huge expense but you may well have overstepped the boundaries by assuming that you would get a day invite. It may never have even crossed your friends mind that you’d accept this and so that it was conditional.

Only just got to the end of this thread, let alone a second.

I’m gobsmacked at £600 on a wedding gift and as it’s been saved for, am guessing it’s not an insignificant amount for the family. Am even more gobsmacked that people who are close enough for such a splurge are now resorting to tit for tat texts.

In the highly unlikely event I ever found myself in such a situation, it’s something I’d wait until I could have a face to face conversation, especially with such a long standing friendship.

@PerceptionIsReality If someone told you they’d buy you something for £600 for your wedding wouldn’t it occur to you that they might think they’d be invited and to tell them that they weren’t invited?

Maybe OP thought this thread was too identifying?

That reply is AMAZING