To say DS has to include his brother in a play date?

[WhenYouveAFirstInEnglish]

If they are in the play room?

8 and 4 (just turned) DSs. We have a playroom full of toys. When eldest DS has a play date they are welcome to take what they want up to his room, play on Switch for a bit in his room etc but if they want to play in the playroom they have to include little DS. I think that’s fair enough?

It’s not about excluding siblings from play.

It’s like siblings sometimes will play nicely together, other times not.

Add in a mate and it’s no different.

However, once the other one says no more, that’s it. Yes it might prevent a tantrum or whatever, but how is this the sibling or friends problem?

And honestly as the parent of children who also has a close age range. They need their own mates for your own sanity. Because of their ages, a lot of friends ended up mutual. Omg the drama when someone fell out with someone. It was a nightmare.

Why would any parent deliberately chose this?

It was so much easier when a large age gap came about. At least the dramas were more manageable.

Hugely unfair.

Also, kids might not want to come over to play with 8 yo if they know they also have to play with a just turned 4 yo.

Or even worse they might decide to play with the sibling and leave their friend out.

Hugely unreasonable. What is the point in your 8yo having a friend over if he has to babysit his 4yo brother? Might as well not bother having friends over if this was the case.

I have 2 DDs of 10 and 7 (adopted and full birth siblings). In our case, the issue has been arranging play dates for DD2, who has a lot of friends, whereas DD1 has SEN and struggles socially; she's had only one party invitation since she started KS2.

I now always arrange play dates for DD2 when DD1 has an after school activity. Otherwise it just doesn't work, as DD1 tries to muscle in, which is unfair on both DD2 and her friends, especially as DD1 does this at school sometimes as well.

It isn't fair to expect school friends to think of a sibling (whether older of younger) as a friend of theirs, it just doesn't work, and creates a lot of added stress.

I understand that with a four year old who isn't in school, there isn't a way of avoiding him being there, but expecting your older DS and his friend to include a four year old isn't fair. It will simply make his friends not wanting to come round.

@EmeraldShamrock. think you have posted 3 times on the wrong thread. All the @'s will be confused

🙄🙄🙄. I’ll go boil my head. Sorry Folks!
Quite frequently my @‘ing doesn’t bring up the names so I didn’t think anything of it.

Thank you for letting me know 🌷

Unfair.

DD11 had a friend over last week, DD4 was home with me. I intended in keeping her downstairs out of the way, but her friend thought DD4 was soooooo cute that they had to play with her... The novelty wore off after half an hour as DD4 is a bit, erm, screechy and demanding are the moment.

So I kept her out of their way after that.

This is why i tried to have playdates for both DSs at the same time. Thebhadbfun wit heir own friends and didn't boher each other.

They are not toddlers any more who you bung in a room to “play” while you have a coffee. I have same sex quite close in age and if they have a friend over the other keeps out of the way. You seem stuck at the parenting a toddler stage whilst your eldest has moved on.

Yes of course it's your daughter's friend who gets annoyed and your DD would absolutely love her 3 year old brother included in everything she does.... Keep telling yourself that @ANiceLuxury

It's not nasty to have a life outside of your siblings. You are the parent, you chose to have more DC. Your existing DC should still be able to have space when they want it, especially in their own bedroom of all places!

As is always the case with older/younger siblings, something tells me that if the precious younger DC wanted time alone or away from the older one, that would be accommodated.

It really isn't nasty for your sister not to have included you in everything. She had her own life...

Unfair.

I used to have to always include my sister, but When she had friends round I wasn’t allowed to play with them, they didn’t have to include me. It’s shit and makes the older one feel like they have nothing that is theirs. Always have to share with the sibling.

And we got on really well as children but we should have been allowed to be more separate.

Surely it's a better lesson for the child anyway?

Rather than 'yes dear you should be included in absolutely everything, go and harass your sister until she lets you' it's 'no, Timmy. Your sister is playing with her friends today, come away from her room and do X Y or Z with mummy instead'.

The only reason I can think of why you wouldn't is because mummy can't be arsed entertaining Timmy so would rather his sister did.

Totally unfair, even if the age gap was smaller.

They are independent individuals, allowed to have their own friends wo sharing them.

FWIW I know some parents invite a friend for BOTH CHILDREN so each child has someone to play with and isn’t feeling left out

Before my youngest went to school I asked about the scenario. I was laughed at and asked why would I even think that. If they had to play with hypothetical youngest, they’d stopped bringing mates over if always expected to play.

So there you go. If your children can be honest with you, ask them if you are prepared to hear their version of ‘are you on glue’?

Yeah, another older sibling who had to allow my younger sibling to play with my friends if we were in my house. Not a huge age gap (2.5 years) but we have different personalities and she would tantrum if she didn’t win any game being played, and often complained that the games were too rough for her. My mum ended up stopping friends coming to the house, or friends just stopped wanting to come.

Mind you I was expected to do this at school as well, and we had to share a room because my sister wouldn’t use her own, so I’m really biased on the topic. The PP whose daughter can’t even have her own room to herself - that is absolutely awful and you’re storing up problems, trust me. It may not be long until your DD goes through puberty (I started at 9), what are you going to do about her younger brother then?

It is difficult. My DDs spend a lot of time playing together, then when someone else comes round one of them gets pushed aside.

I try to invite a friend each, or arrange play dates for when the other is at a birthday party or friends house.

4 years between me and my sister- my mother used to make me take her out with me and my friends and it was grim. My mates hated having to rein in their conversations to age appropriate ones and she couldn’t keep up with activities

Totally unfair and unreasonable...
Why should the older child and his friend be forced to play with someone (sibling or not) and play games that they would probably rather not play... fair enough they shouldn't be mean ….
This used to wind me us so much as a child, my mother would insist that if my friends came over we had to include my little sister even though she changed the whole dynamic and dominated everything and my friend didn't particularly like her etc...
Let the little one have his won friends and don't expect the older one to provide entertainment … especially at his friends expense...