To say DS has to include his brother in a play date?

[WhenYouveAFirstInEnglish]

If they are in the play room?

8 and 4 (just turned) DSs. We have a playroom full of toys. When eldest DS has a play date they are welcome to take what they want up to his room, play on Switch for a bit in his room etc but if they want to play in the playroom they have to include little DS. I think that’s fair enough?

Another thing to bear in mind is that the age gap is only going to get wider, in the sense that before long the older child's playground chatter will be completely unsuitable for the younger one. Get the boundaries in place now before you're expecting a 14 year old to "play" with a 10 year old

Invite a friend for DS2 on same day, then everyone happy and you get two playdates ticked off on one day.

No, it's not fair to expect him to include DS2. He can play with him anytime. The point of a play date is to play with your friend.

Unfair

And isn't it unfair on the little brother to be removed from the shared playroom which is where the toys are just to allow older brother the run of the house?

I don't think people are saying the little one can't go in the playroom too. It's the demand to let the little one join in which the general consensus is objecting to.

@AmelieTaylor think you posted on the wrong thread 😅

Why did you ask, OP, when almost everyone has said YABU, which you are, and you are just disagreeing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wouldn't say it's fair that he has to be included considering he age gap. I'm 3 years older than my sister and I was never expected to include her when I had a friend over to play and vice versa. I probably would have found her presence irritating!

@mrsmcgregor. We are only 2.5 weeks away from Easter Holudats here so I’d just keep saying DS had thrown up every 48 hours until then. Reassess over Easter. At the end of the day, he’s YOUR DS and they won’t be the ones dealing with your life if he gets it & passes it on. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m always very supportive if teachers & generally ‘school’ and their daft rules but every now & then they need reminding about the fact they are YOUR children (sirryvany nicevteachers/HT’s/staff🌷 who I don’t thinknshould have to been dealing with 30+ germ
Infested littke bug carriers right now either). Close the bloidy schools!

I’m less convinced the budget is going to say anything meaningful tomorrow 😢

@pemberley

I hope you feel better soon 💐

@natoPMT. NO Covid parties! I think I’d just wait and see what happens with the appointments. I’d be surprised if it goes ahead anytime soon and I’d assume if it dies there was a very good reason they’re not delaying it. My thoughts are with you & your MIL

Any updates on your friend?

@ mrsmcgregor - well come on now - if they start cancelling things like Cheltenham we’ll all get bored don’t you know and we can’t be having that now can we?!

🤬🤬🤬

@wheresmymojo. Sorry to hear about the case near you! But what a beautiful building!

I’m somewhat near a few, but not right on my doorstep.

When I was a teenager my parents bought a house and we discovered it had fleas & my parents bought some ‘flea bombs’ that you closed the house up,set off and went out for several hours. I wish we could have a Covid-bomb!!

What made me think of it though is that the sofa smells very chemically. I think I’m going to have to be far less liberal with my use of Dettol All-in/one! It’s giving me a headache.

@katienana. Any updates?!

I think if it was me I’d encourage DH to stay away a couple more days.

Again, on LBC there was a guy explaining the likelihood of transmission and he said of course it’s ‘possible’ to spread the virus while asymptomatic it’s extremely unlikely as you’re not coughing & sneezing all over the place and so you’re not likely to be passing on enough of a viral load to others

@Dyson. I guess it depends on your personality in the first place. I can have snacks/chocolate whatever on the kitchen worktop and not be bothered by them. So in a box in the spare room I don’t even think about them. I’m lucky in that respect (I’m incredibly overweight so it’s not the answer to weight loss unfortunately) but if I wasn’t like that I’d have to put them up in the loft as that takes way too much effort to get them!!

@preponderings the same ‘specialist’ today said that ‘out if the pool’ in the changing room & reception etc it’s the same as any other place like that, but if the pool is chlorinated or they use another type if chemical to clean & not salt water the oxygenation & chlorine will kill the virus,so in the water you’re fine.

@tryingto prep. Apparently 60% of people in hospital in Italy are UNDER 60 - they couldn’t hiw many but largely without Comirbiditues... lots of young/previously healthy people 😫😱

YABU (as is @ANiceLuxury )
It is really unfair on an older sibling, at a completely different developmental age, to be expected to 'entertain' their sibling when they have a friend round. Completely not their job.

Sigh....

As we live in a cul de sac dd can play at her friends house with no siblings (her friend has one other adult sibling) or they can play outside on their bikes, scooters etc as ds never plays outside with them.

My older sister was a nasty cow to me during all my childhood years and never included me in anything. We have a strained relationship now and I swore I would never allow dd to leave ds out.

They have a lovely relationship and dd plays with him loads and doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest that he joins in when a friend is here. It was her friend that was originally irritated by it but she has no experience of a younger sibling.

If they don’t want ds around they play outside or in her house

@AmelieTaylor I think you have posted 3 times on the wrong thread. All the @'s will be confused.

"...there comes a point when 4 year old wants to join in a really exciting game he can see and I think that’s fair enough?"

I think it depends on several factors, @WhenYouveAFirstInEnglish - do the 8-year-olds want to include the 4-year-old? Is the game suitable for the 4-year-old, or are the older ones going to have to change the game to suit the younger child, or have the game spoiled when the younger one gets upset because they can't play the game properly.

If everyone is going to be happy, and if the game is suitable, then there's nothing wrong with the younger one joining in - but if the older ones don't want to include him - especially if it will change or spoil the game - then they shouldn't have to.

As other posters have said - the four-year-old has to learn that he can't always get what he wants.

When the eldest is 19, and heading off to the pub with his mates and his girlfriend, are you going to make him take his little brother with him?

Unfair. I always do double play dates for this very reason. Can’t you have a pal over for the 4 year old at the same time?

Unfair, surely you can keep him entertained or invite someone his age over.

There’s nothing wrong with him wanting to do something. A lot of us have this need to join in with others.

As parents it’s our job to teach them the sun doesn’t revolve around them, and it’s fine for people to do their own thing.

We also teach our children about the importance of personal space. If mine pulled crap like barging into rooms, they would be pulled up immediately not rewarded and allowed to do it.

Not only has this completely disregarded the privacy and personal space for your older child. You are also teaching him he doesn’t have to respect other people. You are also teaching the both that males can do what they want.

All because what? You cannot parent your child? Yes it’s hard when you have more than one. But not impossible when you put in the effort.

You also run a real risk of his friends not wanting to visit him because of this,

^This

I remember when I was about 8 or 9 there was a girl in our friendship group who had a little sister who, quite frankly, we found a bit of a pain. Sometimes when we went to see if our friend could come out to play, her mother would insist that she could only come out if her little sister came too. I do remember there being a little huddle where we discussed this and then decided we would rather just leave it, i.e. we liked our friend but not enough to tolerate the awful little sister!

Sounds awful now and I am sure that the mother was furious to see both of her daughters rejected, but really her fault for not realizing that she can't foist her younger child on anyone not related to her.

Unfair.definitely.

I’m going against the grain, I don’t think it’s unfair at all. If people come to play, there are other children in the house and it’s not nice to exclude them. The little one is usually excited about a visitor.

When the little one has a friend over, the big one will want to play. One children of different ages do play together perfectly well.

I try to give mine a balance between time with friends and including the siblings.

ANiceLuxury An older child wanting their own space and not being forced to include their siblings is not being nasty.

You chose to have two children, the older one is not there to entertain and look after the younger one; that is your job.

You can say they are happy, but your older child is clearly unhappy and making it known to you when she’s slamming doors to keep the harassing younger kid out of the way. You need to respect that.

Your older child can have personal space and still have a good relationship with their younger sibling; in fact they’ll have a much better one when they’re not being forced to effectively parent them for you.

It's not "fair enough" it stifles natural play between your son and his friend and has a knock on effect.

One of my DD's friends' parents used to do this....even down to letting the 5 year old 'join in' on sleepovers...the girls were ten!

They were effectively babysitting this woman's little children and DD never wants to go there now. She doesn't go there in fact...too annoying.

Forcing your child's sibling on your child's friend is a great way to ruin a friendship. Eventually it just gets too annoying and the friend will stop coming over.