To say DS has to include his brother in a play date?

[WhenYouveAFirstInEnglish]

If they are in the play room?

8 and 4 (just turned) DSs. We have a playroom full of toys. When eldest DS has a play date they are welcome to take what they want up to his room, play on Switch for a bit in his room etc but if they want to play in the playroom they have to include little DS. I think that’s fair enough?

No. When they have friends round use the time to give 1-2-1 time with the other. If you insist the younger one joins in then they'll end up with friends not wanting to come round.

Nope. If older ds is happy to have younger sibling playing with them that fine but in these situations I used to entertain younger siblings with some different activities

No. Unfair

Unfair. And unfair on his guest too who still deserves a bit of respect, even if only 8.

Yabu. Your 8 yo has the right to his time with his friends.

Completely unfair. You will end up making your eldest resent the youngest. Don't force relationships between siblings especially when friends are round.

We have made cookies and fruit kebabs (and they are all eating now anyway) but there comes a point when 4 year old wants to join in a really exciting game he can see and I think that’s fair enough?

They can go upstairs or in garden by themselves (DS has a huge room)

Unfair, too large an age gap and why shouldn’t he be able to play in the playroom like his brother does. Personally, I’d amuse the child with no friend whilst the other enjoyed their friends company.

but there comes a point when 4 year old wants to join in a really exciting game he can see and I think that’s fair enough?

No it isn't. The play date is for your DS and his friend. 4 isn't too young to learn that they can't always do everything together.

Nope. So your eldest can’t even have a friend round without being forced to entertain his younger sibling?
I know you’re going to say he isn’t ‘forced’ to, but if he wants to use the playroom he is.
How annoying for an 8yr old. He’ll start to avoid and resent the younger one.
It’s not even one of those rules that can go both ways. It’s not like an 8yr old is going to want to play with two 4yr olds.
Very unfair OP.

Very unfair

OP I get why you're thinking of it - because the older boys do have an alternative but they choose not to go there. So for me the key question is why they prefer the playroom. If there is a good reason, size of room, or even just because everything is in there, they don't have to pick and choose what they want to play with, fair enough. The 4 year old should be entertained elsewhere.

If there is any sense they're doing it as a deliberate territorial thing, knowing that the 4 year old won't be allowed in, but they could easily move the same few things they always play with, then not so much.

Totally unfair, too big an age gap. If he's got a friend round, then that's who he wants to play with, not little brother tagging on. You need to entertain the younger one whole his friend is there.

Unfair I think. Too big an age gap so it's really looking after him and playing with him not with each other. I thin your little one needs a friend of his over at the same time if possible.

I have the same age gap. They all hang out in the playroom. No issue so I've no idea where all these dramatics are coming from! Same as you op they can go elsewhere if they want. It's pretty regular here to have children round most days. I certainly dont entertain siblings when the other has a playdate!!

there comes a point when 4 year old wants to join in a really exciting game he can see and I think that’s fair enough?

It’s entirely fair enough that the 4 year old wants to join in. It’s your job to teach him that he can’t, unless he is invited. Encourage him to do something else exciting instead

Agree with majority. Unfair on oldest child. Don’t you remember being a kid? At this age we had our own friends. Also kids are often very rejecting of the stage they’ve recently left themselves. It makes it easier for you to palm him off admit it but it is very unfair on the older child and will breed resentment

The younger one could always play in the garden or their own room by that logic. They are not joined at the hip. Clearly you have things in the playroom that they don’t have in the bedroom or garden and that’s why the play date is in there. You will cause resentment if you force them to involve basically a baby in their eyes.

but there comes a point when 4 year old wants to join in a really exciting game he can see and I think that’s fair enough?

Of course a 4 yr old would love to play with the 8yos but it's totally fair that the 8yo don't want to play with a 4yo.
In most school playgrounds, 4yo do not play with the 8yo.

It's easiest to make sure that the 4yo has a playmate when the 8yo has a playmate.

Unfair, he’s there to play with his friend not your other son. Could cause friendship problems for your older son if friends are forced to entertain his little brother.

@MsTSwift agree. It’s easier for the OP then saying No to the youngest.

No. So unfair, teach your 4 year old that he can't always have what he wants and cut your eldest some slack. Playdates are special occasions and having a 4 year tagging along and insisting he plays too can put a very big dampner on it.

I like the being in their bedroom alone and agree that ds2 should be allowed in the playroom. There's a big difference in being made to include younger ds and having him in the room.

So I'd be listening making sure he wasn't being a pain in the bum but not being excluded too.

A fine line.
I'd try to keep ds2 busy in the kitchen