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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DS has to include his brother in a play date?

219 replies

WhenYouveAFirstInEnglish · 10/03/2020 16:15

If they are in the play room?

8 and 4 (just turned) DSs. We have a playroom full of toys. When eldest DS has a play date they are welcome to take what they want up to his room, play on Switch for a bit in his room etc but if they want to play in the playroom they have to include little DS. I think that’s fair enough?

OP posts:
DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 10/03/2020 16:51

No*

Duckchick · 10/03/2020 16:52

How big is your oldest's bedroom - is there a good amount of space to play in or is a bit tight?

If there's plenty of room upstairs and there isn't really a good reason for them to be in the playroom then I think YANBU, if the playroom is a much better space to play than his room then YABU. Unfortunately, in that case I think you have to entertain the younger one in a different room.

TheOrigBrave · 10/03/2020 16:52

I don't think it's just the age gap, it's the principle of the matter. I think it's important for siblings to not have to share everything and I think it's important your older boy sees that you are respecting that he has a friend over to play with him, by taking his little bro away. And the little one will love some one to one time with you.

In another couple of years the little one could totally milk the whole situation ("you've gotta play with me") resulting in resentment from his older brother. nb I am the middle of five, I know what it's like to be the younger and the older one!

SillyCow6 · 10/03/2020 16:53

I understand you feel sorry for the 4yr old feeling left out but it isnt fair on the 8yr old. Use that time to bake or play or whatever with the 4 yr old to distract him

Ejmorgan · 10/03/2020 16:53

Nope OP I agree with you if big one wants to play with just his friend then his room is the personal space option however if they want to play in communal space then they have to accept little one will try to join also .I have a big age gap between my two bedrooms are private , lounge and kitchen are communal therefore shared and compromise has to be made.

Cheeseandwin5 · 10/03/2020 16:55

YABU.

Why dont you or your DH use the time to connect with your DC rather than trying to palm him off to his older brother?

MindyStClaire · 10/03/2020 16:58

I was the 8 year old in this scenario and utterly hated it, as did my friends. It just breeds resentment outside of play dates too.

SallySun123 · 10/03/2020 16:59

Totally reasonable assuming you’re paying your eldest and their friend to babysit?

FrancisCrawford · 10/03/2020 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NailsNeedDoing · 10/03/2020 17:00

YABU. All it will do is create resentment, which neither of them will thank you for when they’re older.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/03/2020 17:01

Yes that is fair.

KatnissMellark · 10/03/2020 17:02

YABU and setting yourself up to deal with a load of resentment from the older one. Let him have his friends and some fun on his own. Not everything has to be shared.

underfall · 10/03/2020 17:04

”I think it's fine to exclude him from the playroom, doing as you are entertaining him and he gets the same priveledge.“

I agree.

Springsnake · 10/03/2020 17:05

Unfair
You will cause resentment between the boys ,allow the older one his friend to himself ,you entertain the younger one ,he’s your responsibility,it’s not your sons responsibility to entertain your child

CandiceSucksCandy · 10/03/2020 17:05

Unfair.
I was forced to share friends with my little sister and it was horrible. They ended up not wanting to come and play.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/03/2020 17:05

Unfair, that's a huge age gap.

pilates · 10/03/2020 17:06

Unfair

leiaskye · 10/03/2020 17:06

Unfair.

There’s a 3 year age gap with my daughters & I’ve never expected them to do that. If one has a friend over, so does the other. No arguments, they entertain themselves. Win win.

lyralalala · 10/03/2020 17:06

Unfair. I didn’t even expect my twins to include each other on play dates. Here the only rule is that if you ask a sibling to join a game with you and a play date you’re not allowed to randomly kick them out of it later.

Namechangexyz1 · 10/03/2020 17:07

2 8year olds have to include a 4 year old...why?

Cant you entertain him

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 10/03/2020 17:07

I think it's fine for younger DS to be in the room but the older DS should not have to entertain.
It will cause resentment and potentially spoil his play dates.

I agree not everything has to be shared and it has to be ok for them to have separate friends and activities

user127819 · 10/03/2020 17:07

If they were a similar age I would say that's fair, but developmentally the gap between 8 and 4 is huge. You can't expect 8 year olds to have to amuse a 4 year old when they just want to play together.

BeansOnToast4T · 10/03/2020 17:07

Not fair - the age gap is too big.

Laurendelight · 10/03/2020 17:08

I’d say unfair. My boy won’t go to his friends houses if he has to play with the siblings and when they’re invited here he says to make sure brother/sister doesn’t come. He’s 7 and having to include a pre schooler means they’re looking after him not playing.

Bogoffrain · 10/03/2020 17:08

No fair at all. You can entertain the 4 yr old