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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DS has to include his brother in a play date?

219 replies

WhenYouveAFirstInEnglish · 10/03/2020 16:15

If they are in the play room?

8 and 4 (just turned) DSs. We have a playroom full of toys. When eldest DS has a play date they are welcome to take what they want up to his room, play on Switch for a bit in his room etc but if they want to play in the playroom they have to include little DS. I think that’s fair enough?

OP posts:
PennyGold · 10/03/2020 16:28

Nope you should entertain your son.
It's a play date and I imagine they would want to play in the playroom, so I'd take some toys in the sitting room for younger son.

AlphaIndigo · 10/03/2020 16:29

Yabu

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 10/03/2020 16:29

YABU

WhatsMyNewNameAgain · 10/03/2020 16:29

I'd say they can't exclude the 4 year old from the play room if they all want to play there, but I don't think it's realistic for them to always include him.

Burgerandchipvan · 10/03/2020 16:31

Same age gap as me and my sibling - DM used to entertain DB while I had a playdate unless we wanted to play with him! I had several friends who were the younger sibling so a toddler/pre schooler was a bit of a novelty for them!

thistimelastweek · 10/03/2020 16:31

Your older son has the choice between the privacy of his bedroom or sharing the playroom with his brother.
Sounds fair to me.

ffswhatnext · 10/03/2020 16:32

In the same room is fine.
Expecting to be involved with each other in some way, not a chance.

They have lives apart from each other, and I’d say the same even if they were twins.

They both have to accept that there are times they won’t be involved. Play dates, parties etc.

Or even having to share birthdays with that sibling. Yes this does happen. Someone thought I was being unreasonable because when it came to birthdays, I wanted it to be for the birthday child and not include the siblings. My dc’s still laugh at that one around 20 years later 🤣

underfall · 10/03/2020 16:36

Sounds fair to me. Excluding the younger child from the playroom would be a bit harsh.

feministmyarse · 10/03/2020 16:36

It's a one off for a play date. I would keep the younger one entertained myself. No one wants an annoying younger sibling there, trust me I remember it well.

user1493494961 · 10/03/2020 16:39

Agree with pp, it's too big an age gap.

Ginfilledcats · 10/03/2020 16:40

I adore my sister but HATED when my mum made me include her. 8 and 4 is too big of a gap. Lovely if he can include him a bit but not be expected to play with him the whole time, otherwise why bother with the play date.
What happens when they are 14 and 10? 18 and 14? Will you still expect the elder to include the younger in their activities.

Deelish75 · 10/03/2020 16:42

I think it’s fine for both to be in the playroom but playing separately.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 10/03/2020 16:42

That's not fair on your older boy at all! A playdate is an exciting time for young children, why would you spoil it by saying they have to stay in the bedroom or include the younger one?

A couple of 8 year olds aren't likely to want to play with a 4 year old. And even if the DC were all a similar age, the playdate is about your older DC and his friend - it's not about your younger DC at all.

lowlandLucky · 10/03/2020 16:44

How bloody awful for your eldest Son.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 10/03/2020 16:44

No it’s not fair. However it’ll quite hard to police in your own home. He’s only 4 years old just a baby really. He’s not going to give a shit that he’s not quite cool enough to be in their gang. Grin and that his brother and his friend want time alone to play their own games. Maybe do an activity with him say cake making to keep him distracted

5zeds · 10/03/2020 16:45

Here nobody gets left out whatever the age gap. I see no evidence that friends don’t want to come and play...though I could make some posters to highlight itGrin.

dootball · 10/03/2020 16:45

But they don't have to entertain the youngster!

They have the choice of going off on their own.

underfall · 10/03/2020 16:48

A general rule needs to be set. Play date = exclusive use of playroom, or not.

That would be fair.

StripeyDeckchair · 10/03/2020 16:48

No
The gap between 4 & 8 is huge, he'll get teased at school about it & its healthy for children to have friends outside the family.

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/03/2020 16:48

I think it's fine to exclude him from the playroom, doing as you are entertaining him and he gets the same priveledge.
It's surely not that often?

Parky04 · 10/03/2020 16:50

YABU the gap between them is too big.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 10/03/2020 16:50

I think it’s fair. If he chooses to go in to his bedroom with his friend then can pretty much do what they like and not be bothered, but if they are using the shared playroom then they need to include his brother if he wants to join in. It would be very different if they shared a room and/or you didn’t have a playroom, but I think your suggestion is perfectly fine.

outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 16:50

That’s a big age gap I think it’s unfair tbh

Leaannb · 10/03/2020 16:50

Vety unreasonable and could cause yoir 8yo problems with his friends. They come to play with him not help babysit a 4 yo

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 10/03/2020 16:51

Not please don't. My sister 2 years older than me at 9 was made to take me to playdates including sleepovers. She had a "club" she made with friends and also made to take me. Great fun for me, unfair for her to look after little sister. I feel bad about it now Sad

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