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Original poster

DIL - miscarriage? Posting here for traffic.

136 replies

Casiloco · 07/03/2020 23:04

DS and DIL have been TTC since Christmas and she tested positive on Tuesday. Thursday she started bleeding and although this lasted just a day or so, there was quite a lot of blood. Hospital have said she isn't still pregnant and have asked her to go back on Monday for a scan.

They are still very hopeful, excited but also worried and I am fairly certain it will not be good news and they may then do a D&C. They will be devastated - as will DH and I - if they lose the baby. She is mid-30s and she is aware of the body clock ticking ...

Am I right in thinking things don't look too hopeful?

OP posts:
Original poster
Casiloco · 07/03/2020 23:06

Sorry - stupid predictive text. The hospital have said she IS still pregnant.

OP posts:
Custardo · 07/03/2020 23:07

yep not hopeful, but post back if different news

Tunnocks34 · 07/03/2020 23:07

Could go either way.

I had a big bleed with my son, full of clots, had a scan fully expecting to be told I’d miscarried only to see his little heart pumping away.

Similarly I also had a big bleed which was unfortunately a miscarriage.

All you can do if wish them luck and be there regardless. I hope she gets positive news.

iheartislesofwight · 07/03/2020 23:09

fingers crossed for them andhope it goes well

StepAwayFromGoogle · 07/03/2020 23:11

Things don't look hopeful, no, but the only way to know for sure is the scan. Some women do bleed heavily in early pregnancy and go on to have a baby. Mid 30s really isn't old to be having a baby now so try to reassure her if the worst happens (I had mine at 38 and 41). Miscarriages are awful and heartbreaking. Unlikely she'll need a D&C if she's bled a lot though.

Whatsername177 · 07/03/2020 23:29

Actually, I'd stay positive. If she only tested positive on Tuesday, she can only be about 4 weeks pg. Bleeding could be implantation of it could be unconnected to the pregnancy. With mc, at 4/5 weeks, I'd expect a period like bleed, I'd also expect pg tests to be fading. I'd be cautious but hope never hurt anyone.

DDiva · 07/03/2020 23:40

Just acknowledge the baby and if necessary its loss. Support, support and love. Dont overthink it ...... Also if it's great news they will still need your support, it can be such a rollercoaster of emotions.

Graphista · 07/03/2020 23:49

I think mc of a twin happens more often than we're aware of my 2nd mc was twins (lost both it was complicated) and I've heard of a lot of women having heavy bleeds in early pregnancy and even hcps thinking mc only for there to be a heartbeat at scan prior to d&c

That may be what's happened here.

At the moment all you can do is hope for the best, prepare for the worst and support the couple especially fil going through this

Ponoka7 · 08/03/2020 02:39

I've got a relative who has had four children and it turned out that bleeding during early pregnancy was the norm for her. She was taken in all four times, scanned etc but nothing was going wrong.

As said if she is only four weeks, it could be a number of things.

RainMinusBow · 08/03/2020 03:05

If she's only four weeks it's possibly a chemical pregnancy. If so, she will miscarry naturally and no d&c will be needed. I'm 39 and I speak from experience as I had one last July.

Long story short, was about four days late for period (didn't expect pregnancy as I was on pill) and woke in middle of night bleeding extremely heavily. Bleeding then stopped for about five days but then became heavy again. Fiancé and I devastated even though baby wasn't planned.

We then decided we would try for a baby (I have two older boys but he has no kids). We expected it to take a while because of my age and previous mc history.

Fell pregnant first month of trying and I now 28 weeks with a little girl due end of May Smile

PixieDustt · 08/03/2020 04:26

She could still be pregnant.
Keep everything crossed.
I had a big bleed at 12 weeks and thankfully everything was fine. DS is 8 months old now.

DropYourSword · 08/03/2020 04:48

Too difficult to know until she has her scan. It’s sort of a moot point if the hospital is saying she’s still pregnant without having done a scan, because they’ll presumably be basing that on a urine hCg which will still be raised right now even if she’s miscarried.
I hope it’s good news on Monday for you all.

ilovedjerrymore · 08/03/2020 05:36

I was told I was having a miscarriage by the doctor who wrote it down on paperwork and everything. I was bleeding for 4 days before they could scan me. I was devastated. Had a scan and my little bean was still there heart beating perfectly. Now have the perfect 9 year old. Fingers crossed that you dil is the same and gets a happy ending. Flowers

TheCatInAHat · 08/03/2020 05:40

At 4/5 weeks pregnant a scan won’t confirm a viable pregnancy so it’ll be a couple of weeks to wait. If things aren’t going to work out that may be detected by a scan at this stage. Best of luck.

Stuckupsnob · 08/03/2020 05:40

This happened to me about 24 years ago, so I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I do remember the pregnancy stick reading positive but I just didn’t feel it was right. I already had a child so this was my second pregnancy. I know I bled and was in hospital, and the consultant coming round and saying I will be having another child as I already have one.

The miscarriage was devastating and the feeling was of despair, and that doesn’t go away until you have another baby. Which I did eventually. So now I have 2 children.

With my first pregnancy I bled and that was frightening but of course I had the baby.

Fingers crossed for all of you 💐

TulipsTwoLips · 08/03/2020 06:02

Does your DIL know your posting about her situation on here?

NotSorry · 08/03/2020 06:33

@tulipstwolips

Why is OP unreasonable to post about it? Lots of women have this every day. OP hasn’t given any identifying details and is asking for support

I despair of this place sometimes

OP I wish you and your son & DIL well - I wish my MIL had been as caring as you seem to be

Instatwat · 08/03/2020 06:36

I really hope your DIL knows you’re posting about this. I would be mortified if this was about me, despite no names being used. No one on here can tell you how it’s going to go. I’m a bit confused by your comments about her age and how long she’s been TTC as well - mid-30s isn’t old and since Christmas isn’t very long.

Be careful not to be that MIL who is more concerned than the actual couple is; you’ll push them away if you keep making “clock ticking” comments.

YouDoYou18 · 08/03/2020 06:38

I bled during my first pregnancy, enough that we and the hospitals thought I was miscarrying but she’s now a happy, healthy 18mo! However a scan this early may not show anything and she may need to go back again to confirm so they may be in for a rough ride until they know one way or another! Bleeding is unbelievably common in the first trimester so don’t lose hope just yet!

Enchiladas · 08/03/2020 06:39

It's anonymous, like every aibu post - it doesn't matter if the DIL knows she's posting it or not Hmm

Enchiladas · 08/03/2020 06:39

No experience with this myself OP but I hope everything turns out ok for your son and DIL Flowers

Adoptthisdogornot · 08/03/2020 06:42

I hope that all is well. If she has miscarried, she probably won't need a d&c. I lost 9 pregnancies, all of them 'naturally', and all later than this. I am also a mum to 3 beautiful children, so please don't despair.

Nomel · 08/03/2020 06:46

I bleed early for a week in one pregnancy and the baby is fine and sleeping next to me now.

Yourteaisgettingcold · 08/03/2020 06:46

Fingers crossed for you all. I had a bleed buy my son is now 2 so things can still go right and the pregnancy progress.

Firecracker2019 · 08/03/2020 06:52

I see no issue with MIL posting here?
She is concerned which is nice.

It could be a chemical pregnancy or just bleeding which is common in early pregnancy. There is no way of telling other than waiting it out sadly.

She is 'lucky' that the hospital have agreed to scan her tbh. Our Early Pregnancy Unit is GP referral only and they don't tend to refer for 'just' bleeding in the first trimester. I know from experience unfortunately. We have to get private scans for reassurance. That said if her dates are right then a scan won't be definitive at such an early stage.

I hope it all works out ok.