DIL - miscarriage? Posting here for traffic.

[Casiloco]

DS and DIL have been TTC since Christmas and she tested positive on Tuesday. Thursday she started bleeding and although this lasted just a day or so, there was quite a lot of blood. Hospital have said she isn't still pregnant and have asked her to go back on Monday for a scan.

They are still very hopeful, excited but also worried and I am fairly certain it will not be good news and they may then do a D&C. They will be devastated - as will DH and I - if they lose the baby. She is mid-30s and she is aware of the body clock ticking ...

Am I right in thinking things don't look too hopeful?

I bled heavily TWICE with dd2 at 5 weeks at 6 weeks. Shes 4 months old now.

2 of my friends had bleeds in the early stages, both times they were told they were probably miscarrying, both time a healthy little baby popped out! Got my fingers crossed for you all. :)

For goodness sake this is not your problem to be posting publicly on Internet about. Whatever the outcome (of course I hope its positive) but really if you want to be a good MIL do not post your son's wife's business on the Internet again.

Sorry but does anyone else think this is really off? I'd habe been furious if my mil had posted about my miscarriage on the Internet.

Good news OP. Wishing you all well.

Also, you sound like a lovely mother in law, ignore the negativity.

I'm really happy to see your update. I bled on and off for the first 16 weeks of my third pregnancy (first two were problem free) and sadly miscarried at 16 weeks. I was pregnant again fairly quickly afterwards, and bled on and off up till the same 16 weeks, feeling devastated and hopeless, and angry with my body for being unable to keep my baby safe. But safe she was. She is nine now. You do get happy endings xx

I had a positive pregnancy test and two days later had bleeding that lasted a week. I went for a scan at 5 weeks as I also had pains and was sure I had miscarried. Baby was well and is now sleeping in cot. I hope it works out for you. X

Oops. Just seen the update! Hurrah! Congrats to all x

Lovely glad you've all had good news.

@Casiloco I'm so pleased to see your update.
Many years ago, I had a similar experience. In my case, I had actually miscarried but a scan confirmed that a second baby was present and despite a difficult pregnancy, I went on to have that baby and then, a few years later dc2. I only wish my MIL had shown half the care that you are showing your DIL. All mine did was moan at me for miscarrying on her birthday and spoiling her day. To this day (over 30 years later), she has never offered anything even remotely approaching sympathy for what me and dh went through. Mind you, she's also never congratulated us on the safe arrival of our two dcs either.

Sorry but does anyone else think this is really off? I'd habe been furious if my mil had posted about my miscarriage on the Internet

Its anonymous for goodness sake and not everyone hates their MIL on real life the way you seem on here. And she hasnt had a miscarriage either.

That's great, great news!

NoKnit - I think you're completely wrong. This was posted anonymously so I cant see how its posting anyones business as nobody will know who it's about.

Nothing seems off to me.

Yay congratulations! I hope all goes smoothly and a lovely grandchild joins your family around November

@NoKnit you are the one that is off here. What a strange reaction. I am so happy I have a close family who look out for and care for each other, it's a shame you can't imagine what that could be like. My MIL was amazing, unfortunately she passed away 8 years ago but I would have been more than happy for her to be supporting and caring in this way if I was going through something like this.

Congratulations.

I'm so puzzled by people's reaction to op posting. When I was going through fertility issues, my MIL told complete strangers at bus stops. When we finally had our twins the number of cards and gifts we got from her friends saying so pleased it's finally happened for you was unreal. Of course your family hurt for you when you go through something like this. They need support too, and an anonymous forum seems like a fairly harmless place.

Information seeking is a coping mechanism for some of us. When my FIL was diagnosed with prostate cancer (2 months after my own dad died) I googled everything i could. I think I even posted about it. It wasn't happening to me but I still cared about it.

That’s good for the couple, but I find it shocking that you know so much very private medical information about your DIL.. your sons and hers sex life, not using contraception, her uterus, bleeding from the vagina, medical appointments, etc. All hugely private but divulged and discussed with relatives? I cannot comprehend that, but if the woman is happy to divulge it of her own free will, fine.

Other than the sex life bit (when they started trying) what is wrong with sharing the rest with a v close family member? Is it shameful in any way? There is nothing to be ashamed of if you bleed from your vagina and the DIL May have confided on a woman to woman basis with her MIL. My MIL was there for myD&C. She made me endless cups of tea the next day and told me about her own miscarriages and how that baby will always have a little piece of my heart. She was v kind (and she can be totally batshit and annoying too) but I appreciated it. My mother on the other hand, who is normally quite sensible and had a stillbirth herself at 26 weeks went all ‘it was meant to be’ and ‘it’s all God’s will’ on me (she isn’t even religious).

@noknit what a bizarre comment! Should everyone stop posting about somebody other than themselves?

Posters don't get told to stop posting about their partners/in laws/children/teachers/doctors/hairdressers/siblings.

Why on earth is this any different?

I can't believe people are so horrified about OP posting this - it's completely anonymous and the exact same thing will be happening to people all over the world -there's no way of identifying the people! It sounds as if she has a lovely close relationship with her son and DIL, I'd tell my lovely MIL all those details too, we discuss absolutely everything. OP, I'm so pleased it was good news.

Just to add, my friend's sister had a bleed like this and several more right through her pregnancy and the baby was absolutely fine.

I am really shocked how people think it's odd to share this stuff. Even at work some colleagues would share if they are pregnant/miscarrying etc. The sort of attitudes where you cant share things with each other is old fashioned and not massively helpful IMO.

Certainly in my circle of friends/family it would be less usual not to share. The only reason I wouldnt always share if i was trying for a baby is because it may take some time and i wouldnt want people always asking.

Seems there are definitely 2 schools of thought on the amount of information sharing between families!
By the way, I had no idea they were TTC until it all obviously came out when DS rang me going to the hospital, so you can calm down about me knowing all about their sex life - I don’t and don’t want to.
If a close member of your family were going for a hospital scan, for whatever reason, are you saying that would be news that wouldn’t be shared? How strange.

"If a close member of your family were going for a hospital scan, for whatever reason, are you saying that would be news that wouldn’t be shared? How strange."

Not strange, just different.

I had to go for scans at 6wks & 8wks due to bleeding.

Only husband knew.

Hadn't told anyone I was pregnant (didn't until about 16wks) & there was no way I was about to tell anyone just because I needed a scan.

Couldn't have dealt with their distress as well as my own.

Glad it’s working out well. No I didn’t share any of my mc news I only ever announced at 12weeks.

Ok I take PP’s point that you wouldn’t always share the news of a scan.
I spose I’m just used to how we all operate in my immediate family - I’m one of 6 and, oddly, I think having a lot of siblings, nieces and nephews, seems to mean we have a very casual attitude to privacy . Everyone seems happy with that - and they are also very forthright so will most definitely let us know if they are UNhappy!