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Original poster

DIL - miscarriage? Posting here for traffic.

136 replies

Casiloco · 07/03/2020 23:04

DS and DIL have been TTC since Christmas and she tested positive on Tuesday. Thursday she started bleeding and although this lasted just a day or so, there was quite a lot of blood. Hospital have said she isn't still pregnant and have asked her to go back on Monday for a scan.

They are still very hopeful, excited but also worried and I am fairly certain it will not be good news and they may then do a D&C. They will be devastated - as will DH and I - if they lose the baby. She is mid-30s and she is aware of the body clock ticking ...

Am I right in thinking things don't look too hopeful?

OP posts:
EmmaBridgewater20 · 08/03/2020 13:00

It could go either way you can bleed quite significantly in the early days and still be pregnant. It’s unfortunately a hideous waiting game. 6.5/7wks gestation is your game changing mark.

Bless her it’s truly awful. Has she taken another pregnancy test? In my experience if it happens in the very early days a PG test will go negative or much much lighter than the original one quite quickly.

It is heartbreaking but has no bearing on her fertility and all the statistics point to her having a healthy pg next time. It also sounds like she conceived quite quickly which is amazing. They’re going to need lots of love and support but things will get better.

RE the D&C it’s a possibility but much, much less likely at such an early gestation. There are tablets they can give you in the first instance also.

crapette · 08/03/2020 13:18

However, as the hospital have said she is not pregnant

The hospital haven't said this. It was a typo which the OP corrected less than 2 minutes later.

kirinm · 08/03/2020 13:33

I bled from 5 weeks to 18 weeks and it was heavy - admitted into hospital due to the severity of the last bleed. And then suddenly I just stopped bleeding and had a normal pregnancy. I've also had miscarriages where bleeding was the first symptom that I was losing the pregnancy.

They will be in limbo at the moment and even if everything is okay, they'll probably be fairly anxious for a while. As long as he is there for her and supportive, she will cope. It'll be a tough time for them. I had some very early losses which I'll be honest, didn't have the devastating impact on me as my miscarriage at 11 weeks.

mrsbyers · 08/03/2020 14:08

Mid 30’s isn’t old and the clock is ticking reference isn’t really appropriate - she will feel bad enough without people putting that sort of pressure in her mind

curlsnotfrizz · 08/03/2020 14:29

They will be devastated - as will DH and I - if they lose the baby. She is mid-30s and she is aware of the body clock ticking ...

sounds like your prime concern is to become a grandparent rather than Dil wellbeing. Why else comment about the time ticking.

Rosebel · 08/03/2020 14:37

It could be good news. I bled early on with my second daughter and was sure I'd lost her. The hospital had to do 2 scans as they missed the heartbeat first time round. They then thought it was twins and I lost one of them. Daughter was born healthy at 39 weeks.

CheshireChat · 08/03/2020 14:37

Or maybe the MIL is sad and worried, but understands she can't lean on her son and DIL and is sharing her concerns anonymously online 🤷🏻‍♀️

crapette · 08/03/2020 14:58

Or maybe the MIL is sad and worried, but understands she can't lean on her son and DIL and is sharing her concerns anonymously online

Nicely put @cheshirecat

Caterina99 · 08/03/2020 15:19

Honestly OP I know it’s sad to think of a miscarriage, but if your DIL hadn’t taken a test she’d likely have just thought she was having a heavier period 2 days late. And they’ve only been trying since Christmas (tmi) so that’s really not long.

I do get that it’s upsetting and don’t want to minimize any pregnancy loss, no matter what stage. But it’s entirely possible this is literally a one month blip and your DIL could fall pregnant again next month.

Hopefully she is still pregnant and all goes smoothly from now on. But mid 30s and trying for a couple of months, her chances are extremely good that everything will work out just fine

(And I know everyone is different, but this is exactly why I didn’t share information like this with my family. I did tell them before 12 weeks, but not as soon as I got the positive test)

itbemay1 · 08/03/2020 16:11

I had a huge bleed with DS at 15w so much so was admitted but all was well. Fingers crossed for you all

LagunaBubbles · 08/03/2020 17:53

No need for sarcasm! It was literally just an observation. Fgs.

Haha so it was Hmm

Original poster
Casiloco · 08/03/2020 20:14

Thanks for all the supportive posts - much appreciated!

To reassure those of you who have perhaps understandable concerns, I have always let DS and DIL "set the bar" in terms of what they want to share with me.

Also for reasons I would NOT post about - even anonymously- my DIL needs more support than perhaps the average and I am surprised that some of you are surprised that families talk about this kind of thing!

I would never put any pressure on DIL in terms of her age - it is most definitely not me who is aware of the ticking clock - I have tried to reassure them on this issue when they have talked about it.

Also, my feelings are the least important in this scenario - perhaps I should have clarified that I would be really disappointed (devastated is probably over-stating it) FOR DS and DIL - they said when she tested positive it was the first really good bit of news they have had in a while. So, naturally, it would be good if she manages to retain the pregnancy.

PPS are of course right when they say that we all have to be patient! But I didn't want - when they are asking me - to be either unrealistically positive or all doom and gloom which is why I asked for MN wisdom on the situation.

The experiences you have all shared have been really helpful!

OP posts:
Namechangeforthegamechange · 08/03/2020 20:19

I wouldn’t be hopeful. If it was a lot of blood so soon after a test. Hormones will show up in bloods and tests for a little while still. I do hope for the best for you though

opticaldelusion · 08/03/2020 20:23

Ignore the moaning minnies, OP. Mumsnet literally hates MILs.

Original poster
Casiloco · 09/03/2020 17:27

I forgot to say how much I appreciate those of you who have shared what must have been quite difficult experiences. Where you have suffered miscarriages, I am really sorry for your loss.

Where you have then gone on to have children, I am very glad, although I know it doesn't in any way "compensate".

An update: The scan this morning showed that there is a bleed which is separate from the uterus and she is actually nearly 6 weeks. The Doctors have said that it is a viable pregnancy and they are no more concerned than they would be with any other pregnancy at this stage. So really good news. Thanks to all those who have sent their kind wIshes!

OP posts:
champagneandfromage50 · 09/03/2020 17:30

That is good news

Namechangeforthegamechange · 09/03/2020 17:59

Brilliant news! Congrats nanny!

Whatsername177 · 09/03/2020 18:10

Great news. Fingers crossed for a healthy 9 months.

crapette · 09/03/2020 18:20

Excellent news. Thank you for coming back and updating.

Iooselipssinkships · 09/03/2020 18:30

Waaahey! Great news!

user1498572889 · 09/03/2020 18:33

Great news x

GaaaaarlicBread · 09/03/2020 18:43

Great news congratulations xx

Zoecarter · 09/03/2020 18:51

Brilliant news I was just going to say I had a few bleeds in early pregnancy now my 20 month old son is sat on my head so it’s not always worse case senario xx

Sugarfreejelly · 09/03/2020 18:57

Lovely news, congrats to all!

Butteredtoast55 · 09/03/2020 19:26

That’s wonderful. How exciting for you and especially your DS and DIL!