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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL cut DD1 hair whilst I'm in hospital with DD2

193 replies

Alik212 · 07/03/2020 19:46

I have no idea how to react to this other than be incredibly angry and sad for my MIL.

I gave birth on Wed and the MIL looked after DD1 (21mnths) for a few hours, this is the first time she has ever done so on her own, as "she doesn't do babies".

DD1 now looks like shes recieved a hair cut to her fringe.

I think MIL has crossed the line. DH is saying I'm over reacting, but fuck me it can never be undone and she's my baby. Plus who does something like that when you're not around giving birth...

What should I do...?

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/03/2020 19:49

She "looks like" or has? Your pfb always looks like they have aged overnight when you have a second.

hellcarryingahandbag · 07/03/2020 19:49

It'll grow back. Calm down.

tryingtoloseweightnow · 07/03/2020 19:51

Have you asked MIL about it?

Random18 · 07/03/2020 19:51

Maybe it was in her eyes?

Dontstepinthecowpat · 07/03/2020 19:51

I thought you meant she had cut of a 10 inch ponytail! She may even have done it herself, just enjoy your new baby and don’t give it another thought.

Cookit · 07/03/2020 19:52

If you are sure she has I would definitely ask her about it.. I wouldn’t want to just ignore the issue. I’d want to know why and make sure she knew that she had done so without permission. However, it’s not the end of the world. You said it can never be undone but if it’s such a small trim for you not even to be sure then surely it’s a month or two of growth away from being undone?

12help34please56 · 07/03/2020 19:55

I would be cross too but I think you have bigger things to focus on right now - and you might need mil to help you out the odd time in the near future so maybe best just to let it lie!!

GlorianaCervixia · 07/03/2020 19:55

Is it her first haircut? If so, that’s irritating and MIL should have asked first but it really is just hair. It will grow back. Just tell her you prefer she didn’t cut your daughter’s hair and move on.

ShyTown · 07/03/2020 19:56

If your DD already has a fringe and it was growing into her eyes/the haircut was a trim then you’re making a big deal over nothing. MIL probably just thought she was helping as it was one less thing for you and DH to sort with a newborn. If you want really can’t muster a thank you then say nothing. If your DD didn’t have a fringe before and your MIL just thought she’d just look nice with one then yes she overstepped and your DH should tell her firmly no more haircuts but then take a deep breath and let it go. Hair grows back. You have a beautiful new baby, focus on what matters.

GrumpyHoonMain · 07/03/2020 19:58

Stop overreacting. You’re lucky you had someone available to take care of your eldest so your DP could be with you, and you will need your mil’s help in the future. As a pp said it’s just hair

LouHotel · 07/03/2020 19:59

Congratulations on your baby, your probably feeling a bit sleep deprived and emotional right now.

In all honesty I agree it's not right what she did but I would park it for a few weeks and when your settled with your babies then bring it up calmly.

Having two kids is a culture shock and you really need to focus on your body healing, sleeping and introduce your kids to one another.

Yourteaisgettingcold · 07/03/2020 19:59

Trust me, I wouksnt be happy but hair does grow back and it sounds like it wasnt a dramatic cut.

Theresnobslikeshowbs · 07/03/2020 19:59

exMIL asked if she could take ds for his first hair cut (my second ds, but her first grandchild), so I said yes, and yes to the first pair of shoes, and yes to the first bike, and yes to the first school uniform and so on. I promise I do love him! I’m just one of these that don’t find it pearl clutching. She wanted too, and it made her really happy, he was happy and that’s the main.

Floribundance · 07/03/2020 20:00

You gave birth three days ago. You’re allowed to overreact.

Congratulations Flowers

Theresnobslikeshowbs · 07/03/2020 20:01

Sorry! I forgot! Congratulations 💐

Freddiefox · 07/03/2020 20:03

Maybe dd did it herself.. which could be worse

Weihnachtsstern · 07/03/2020 20:04

I'd be furious, boundaries breached.

DappledThings · 07/03/2020 20:04

Massive overreaction. But I am now anticipating a drip feed about how awful MIL has been for years etc etc

LesLavandes · 07/03/2020 20:05

Looks like?

Can't be much of a change then. Forget it. You have more important things to concentrate on for now.

Congratulations on new baby

WinterCat · 07/03/2020 20:05

She may even have done it herself if your MIL let a 21 month old have access to scissors, that would be much worse!

YANBU.

Rosehassometoes · 07/03/2020 20:06

YANBU

Original poster
Alik212 · 07/03/2020 20:06

Thanks for the feedback!
It would be DD1 first haircut and I've used the words "looks like", to give MIL the benefit of the doubt... Shes definitely had a haircut...

OP posts:
GinNotGym19 · 07/03/2020 20:06

My mum did this with dd when she was 1 but used kitchen scissors and cut it extremely wonky and short. It was ridiculous. I did go mental and she’s never done it since. We laugh about it now but at the time I was pretty upset. Probably easier for me because I feel like with your own mum you can say how you feel then get over it, mil relations are tricky. I’d just say please don’t cut her hair again and leave it at that.

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 07/03/2020 20:07

Just ask her. She might’ve done it in utterly good faith.
I remember watching my goddaughter and her brother whilst my best friend was having her DC3
I was making our supper, and leaving them to do play doh at the dining table.

In the ten seconds it took me to open the oven and pop a frozen pizza in, goddaughter had managed to get a massive blob of plastercine in her fringe.

I tried for forty minutes. I called my mum, she couldn’t get it out. Then MIL. And Helen from over the road.

Three hours later we admitted defeat and chopped it out, and I asked one of my friends who’s a hairdresser if she had 20 minutes to even put a five year olds fringe.

What the hell was I meant to do. Leave the kid with play doh in her hair, until her mum was done with her 43 hour long labour to check if i could snip it out after trying for three hours to get it out!

Just ask.

FallonSwift · 07/03/2020 20:08

Text her:

Thanks for looking after DD1 but I need to check something with you. Did you cut her hair? I'm quite upset as I wanted to take her for her first haircut and someone has definitely cut it.