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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL cut DD1 hair whilst I'm in hospital with DD2

193 replies

Alik212 · 07/03/2020 19:46

I have no idea how to react to this other than be incredibly angry and sad for my MIL.

I gave birth on Wed and the MIL looked after DD1 (21mnths) for a few hours, this is the first time she has ever done so on her own, as "she doesn't do babies".

DD1 now looks like shes recieved a hair cut to her fringe.

I think MIL has crossed the line. DH is saying I'm over reacting, but fuck me it can never be undone and she's my baby. Plus who does something like that when you're not around giving birth...

What should I do...?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 07/03/2020 20:08

it can never be undone

Oh this is quite dramatic...it's hair, it grows. Try to forget about it and enjoy your new baby

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 07/03/2020 20:09

I didn’t mean to sound moody at the end, sorry. I also didn’t realise it was first hair cut.

That must feel tricky and sad.

Hope you can sort it and forgive them, and that you and your new baby are ok xx

StarShapedWindow · 07/03/2020 20:11

Well I can see I’m in a minority but I’d be really angry, it’s a massive overstep in my opinion and if I had a grandchild I wouldn’t dream of cutting their hair without being asked to by their parent. I’d tell my MIL never to cut my child’s hair again. But my MIL would never cut my DD’s hair - even though she often comments that it’s too long. You can’t do anything about it now so say ‘please don’t cut DD’s hair again’ and move on. Congratulations on your new born.

Redglitter · 07/03/2020 20:12

If it 'looks like' shes done it then it sounds like you're not sure in which case it's not worth getting worked up about. Find out if she has and why before you react

WitchenKitch · 07/03/2020 20:12

OP, I'm on your side, it's infuriating if she has done this, but I'd like to gently suggest you put this aside for a couple of days - you are around the dreaded day 3 post-partum, when everything is unbearable emotionally.

I hid from my perfectly lovely inlaws on day 3 because ... I can't honestly remember. Blush

Leave it for a couple of days and just focus on you and new baby. Flowers

StarUtopia · 07/03/2020 20:12

Normally I''d say i'd be furious too.

But then you've just given birth. Probably MIL thought she was genuinely helping out as who has time to give a kid a haircut when they've just given birth!!!

Whatever you do, don't text her on the attack as someone suggested above. I'd just say I can't thank you enough for looking after DD whilst I gave birth. Her hair looks different...did you trim it for me?

Just see what she says!!!

Lemonsandsugar · 07/03/2020 20:12

She could have used a clip of her during was in her eyes.

My granny used to cut my hair all the time as in fringe and length and I remember my mum going mad at her on the phone and my granny was really upset and couldn’t understand what she had done wrong as it was ‘only dead ends’ - every single time.

I really didn’t see the importance of it till I had my own children and an overbearing mil.

I’d never cut another child hair. Ever. It’s not my fucking place too.

I’d actually say to mil ‘have you actually cut dds hair?’ If she says yes - just reply with ‘yeah please don’t do that again, I’ll either grow it or get a professional to do it’

You can totally say this now as you’ve had a new baby and can get away with being moody Grin

Confuddledtown · 07/03/2020 20:13

You're not over reacting. Boundaries crossed. I would be angry. Yes in time it will grow back, but that isnt the point. Ignore the pps saying you are over reacting, they clearly dont respect boundaries either.

lmcneil003 · 07/03/2020 20:13

Please concentrate on your new bundle of joy and stop trying to sour relations with your family.
Jeez, a haircut throws you into a massive strop. Your children will challenge you greatly....

ChikiTIKI · 07/03/2020 20:14

I would be upset. I assume she didn't save a lock of hair for you to put in her baby book then. And you will be reminded of it in future when you look at photos of DD and her new baby sibling. I would be pissed off.

ALadyofLetters · 07/03/2020 20:15

My MIL did the same when dd2 was born. We didn’t say anything at the time because MIL had been doing us a favour minding her, but all of the newborn photos with her sister are ruined by her mullet. Grrrrrrr.

diddl · 07/03/2020 20:15

I don't think that she should have done it, but if one parent is OK with it then I think you need to get past it.

Purpleartichoke · 07/03/2020 20:15

My mother held a grudge about my grandmother cutting my hair for over 40
Years.

DuploTower · 07/03/2020 20:16

I think it's very naughty if she did cut her hair. I would be very upset.

But it does grow, and it isn't the end of the world. Enjoy your new baby, congratulations.

But still, I'd be pissed off.

D4rwin · 07/03/2020 20:17

Definitely overstepping a mark in just deciding to cut a child's hair without seeking parental consent. She's forgotten she's just a grandparent. Let's face it. Grandparents who act in this way are best when they're not involved at all. Consider it a lesson learned she doesn't do boundaries so don't trust her again.

Floribundance · 07/03/2020 20:17

It would be wrong to trim your MIL’s hair the next time she drifts off on the sofa. Really wrong.

I8toys · 07/03/2020 20:19

YABU - Its just hair. It will grow back. I know its overstepping boundaries however you have other things to deal with. Mention it that you would appreciate her not doing it and move on.

willowmelangell · 07/03/2020 20:19

Congratulations!
and I would be fuming too. Unless it was cutting out gum or glue.
So dd is a big sister now...to a dsis you say?

izzywizzygood · 07/03/2020 20:20

Poor MIL was probably just trying to help and keep the DD tidy for you while you were in hospital. Maybe DD was fed up of it being in her eyes? She sounds like a lovely, helpful MIL who you can count on for child minding. x

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 07/03/2020 20:20

I think you are over reacting. Maybe I'm just different but honestly I dont even remember my two oldest sons' first hair cuts. Only reason I remember my youngest's is because he threw such a horrible fit over it. It's such a small thing in the grand scheme of life.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/03/2020 20:21

I expect it was something like Unexpected said. Either play dough stuck in her fringe or DD cut it with paper scissors and MIL neatened it up. She probably forget to mention it in excitmenent of meeting new baby.

AJPTaylor · 07/03/2020 20:21

Well, has she trimmed her fringe to keep it out of her eyes or cut it as in a hair cut?

formerbabe · 07/03/2020 20:21

I assume she didn't save a lock of hair for you to put in her baby book

What a great comment to say to an already upset post natal mum!

DragonOnFire · 07/03/2020 20:22

Congratulations on your new baby OP!
Hope all is well and you're feeling ok.
I agree this is over a line and I'd be hurt. Currently have a near 1-year old baby with hair long enough to curl and I've made it clear I want to keep a lock when I cut his hair and DH and I will decide when that is. If someone cut his hair while I was giving birth I would be fuming & gutted.
It's not ok to cut hair of someone else's baby without being asked or checking first, but even then, no it's not your child.

Floribundance · 07/03/2020 20:22

Have you read the thread Izzywizzygood? It’s the first time the MIL has babysat as she ‘doesn’t do’ babies.