MIL cut DD1 hair whilst I'm in hospital with DD2

[Alik212]

I have no idea how to react to this other than be incredibly angry and sad for my MIL.

I gave birth on Wed and the MIL looked after DD1 (21mnths) for a few hours, this is the first time she has ever done so on her own, as "she doesn't do babies".

DD1 now looks like shes recieved a hair cut to her fringe.

I think MIL has crossed the line. DH is saying I'm over reacting, but fuck me it can never be undone and she's my baby. Plus who does something like that when you're not around giving birth...

What should I do...?

I think OP is likely well aware of how much work she has ahead of her with a newborn and toddler. This does not excuse MIL, who apparently 'doesn't do babies' from taking it upon herself to cut her grandchild's hair.

If they were alone together a lot and MIL had developed a close bond with your daughter, I would say fair enough, she wanted to help. But to do something like that the FIRST time she gets her alone is just bizarre. I would be very annoyed as it would seem like a form of control to me. But then I have MIL issues, so I might not be looking at this from a totally unbiased perspective!! It might not be so annoying if MIL had said 'oh by the way, I gave DGD's fringe a little trim because it was getting in her eyes/to save you worrying about it/for whatever spurious reason', but to say nothing seems to be a sign of someone who thinks your opinion on this doesn't matter.

I wonder if this Mil who “doesn’t do babies” has very cleverly ensured she’s never asked for childcare again. It’s certainly worked if she has.

My DD never had a fringe cut but did have a natural fringe as a toddler from the whispy bits. I hated having a fringe as a child and it was a pain to grow out. So when dds hair grew I chose to tie it up like a dog with a little ponytail on top or clip it back. My mum would have inflicted a fringe on her given a choice, she has a thing about hair in faces. Maybe an age thing. She thinks girls should have nice short ‘Practical’ bob hairstyles with a fringe. I don’t think that style is practical, bigger nit risk as you can’t tie it all back and no good for ballet where it all needs to be back into a bun. My solution was fine and dd age 14 has never had a fringe.

Please don't blow this up.
Just tell MIL thanks for the hair cut, but can you just let me know first if your planning something.
I am often surprised at how mums distroy relationships in families.

Its hair it will grow back its not the end of the world

I would be angry too op. It wasn't MIL place to cut DD1's hair especially her first hair cut without so much as a word to you about it. I would make my feelings known on this because today it's a haircut tomorrow it could be something else.

So she just trimmed her fringe?

I think this is another revelation moment when I find out that so many people feel precious about hair .

I think this is another revelation moment when I find out that so many people feel precious about hair

So, who took your children for haircuts? You or GPs? Who decided whether their hair was long or short, you or GPs? If you'd wanted it long and they'd taken the DC to have it cut short, you wouldn't have cared?

There's no 'just' or 'only' or 'it will grow back' or 'it's hair'

It's the OP's child and she makes the decisions. Her DH wasn't consulted either!

I don't think you're BU. It's about parental choice. And how likely is it that in the few hours MIL was babysitting, your daughter who has never had her hair cut suddenly needed a (secret) trim that couldn't possibly wait? Bizarre thing to do to someone else's child. I think posters telling you to calm down are missing the "first haircut" sentimental aspect.

As for what to do, the obvious response is to sneak into MIL's bedroom and secretly trim her hair. (Not really; there's not much you can do except explain to her that she was quite right in saying she doesn't do babies, as someone who did do babies would have known not to cut DD1's hair – you won't ask her to babysit or be with either child solo again as it's obviously not her thing.)

Congratulations on your newborn!

I'd be fuming and let her know about it
Congratulations on the baby

She crossed a line. You need to tell her she was out of order. It might just be a fringe trim this time, next time it could be a substantial change in style. I'm be angry if this was my kids, their hair is their identity.

Not an overreaction. She doesn't do babies but then gives your kid her first haircut without asking. CF if you ask me

Wow you are so over reacting.

You're not overreacting and I'd be furious.

On the other hand I hope you can manage to let it go a bit, so that you can focus on your newborn and your new family of 4!

@Kolo it is a fringe cut.

I just read the newspaper about child poverty in the U.K, and children starving.

It is a fucking fringe cut. Over reaction is huge

I am just sick of the spoiled, entitled posts on here.

You were lucky you had a mother in law to look after your child!

Angel84 bugger off

Do you know for certain your partner didn't ok the cut?

Day 3 is usually a bad day. This too shall pass.

What a ridiculous thing to say angel84. Of course there are other more important issues in the world. There always will be. Everyone is trying to navigate their way through their own lives and sometimes they want a bit of perspective on the day to day stuff.

I'm surprised you had the time to comment on here if you're so busy concerning yourself with more important things.

YANBU.

When we have other threads without a newborn in the mix, people fall all over themselves to say it's a big deal and MIL was out of order.

And this MIL is. She only had the DD for a few hours, as she "doesn't do babies", and DD somehow needed a hair cut? If MIL thought she needed her hair cutting, it could have waited until MIL could speak to OP. Hair doesn't grow massively overnight.

*I am just sick of the spoiled, entitled posts on here.

You were lucky you had a mother in law to look after your child!*

Maybe the ones without MILs are the lucky ones as their children won't end up with dodgy fringes

who took your children for haircuts?

I completely can't remember anything about their first haircuts (4Dc). I may have reached for scissors or DH may have. It wasn't a ceremony. Mostly DH has cut their hair at home, tbh because we are miserly and DH buzzes his own hair so has practice. I wouldn't have cared if grandies created a fringe on our toddler.

If you'd wanted it long and they'd taken the DC to have it cut short, you wouldn't have cared?

That isn't what happened to OP, if I understand correctly, the child's gran created or trimmed a fringe. Is all that happened.

I guess I would have cared if our grandies got DC shaved bald. Not a huge amount depending on the kids' ages though. Bald is very handy for preventing headlice.

Who, on this thread, would cut their toddler granchild’s hair, without asking its mother or father? And think it’s perfectly ok to do so?

Who, on this thread, would cut their toddler granchild’s hair, without asking its mother or father?

I would if I thought it would get me out of childcare for ever. Mil’s a very smart cookie.