MIL cut DD1 hair whilst I'm in hospital with DD2

[Alik212]

I have no idea how to react to this other than be incredibly angry and sad for my MIL.

I gave birth on Wed and the MIL looked after DD1 (21mnths) for a few hours, this is the first time she has ever done so on her own, as "she doesn't do babies".

DD1 now looks like shes recieved a hair cut to her fringe.

I think MIL has crossed the line. DH is saying I'm over reacting, but fuck me it can never be undone and she's my baby. Plus who does something like that when you're not around giving birth...

What should I do...?

Congrats OP, I would be really cross too.

I’d be so annoyed. It’s like saying she knows best.

*What annoys me - is, she looked after your kids!

You can't ask her to look after your kids - for no money - and then complain, when she is BOUND to do something that upsets you - because she is only human.

If you want a very professional job - pay a nanny.*

What total and utter bullshit! I'm damn sure I could look after anyone's child for a few hours and not be BOUND to do something to upset anyone. It really isn't difficult!

It’s really not a privilege to look after someone else’s child.

It not a privilege to look after your grandchild whilst their mother is in labour
giving birth to your next grandchild??

I feel sorry for you.

I had people queuing up to help me out with my kids when I was giving birth.

I looked after various DGC when their mothers gave birth.

I look after various DGC a lot

I do it happily and willingly.

It is not a privilege. It is a favour

angel84 have you got children?

its not a privilege. It is a favour*

I'm not really talking about everyday child care. I respect that it is always a favour and not to be taken for granted when someone looks after your child.

But we are talking about a very special set of circumstances here.

Did that too.

Was still a favour

well @NannyOgg maybe you don't like that word being used here but that is how my MiL saw it and my mum and how I see it when I have helped out others in that circumstance. Genuinely. A very exciting, happy moment to be part of.

Not like something is 'owed' at all.

Sleepingpup it’s just people’s different views.

My grandmother gets excited when she is asked to have our dc. She spoils them and enjoys her time with them.

Mil however does it as a favour and we will end up returning the favour shortly afterwards whether it’s money, buying her joints of meat, sending take aways round, or randomly taking her somewhere miles away.

We don’t actually mind returning the favour as it’s our only chance sometimes of having kid free time although getting dh to drive her three hours to an airport at 3am and then pick her up on the return flight was a bit of a piss take.

Those saying, “Get over it, it’s just hair.” - I don’t believe a single one of you would do the same, therefore you know it’s a boundary crossed.

MIL did it because she knows best and she really doesn’t have much interest in DIL’s feelings on the matter.

DH doesn’t care and doesn’t want any fuss because he doesn’t want the hassle.

I think you should assertively mention it. Let her tell you why she cut it and then explain why you’d prefer she hadn’t done it and didn’t do it in future.

@sleepingpup but you do realise that you are lucky?

Many, many people do not have that.

Single mothers.
Mothers who are estranged from their own mothers etc etc.
Lots of mothers do not have any help.

@angell84

say what? course I realise that!

angel85 have you got any children? I ask as your views and manner regarding issues like this are very similar to a colleague of mine that choose not to have kids. She just doesn’t understand the link of feelings.

You seem to have no empathy for a woman who has just given birth, full of hormones and finds some one took the scissors to her toddlers hair.

@angell84 those situations don't apply to the OP? Also what makes you think the Mil is BOUND to make a "mistake", do you thinking paying the child's grandmother would've stopped the hair cutting?

@Summersunandoranges

Thats an offensive thing to say.
Parents talk sh1t too

I’d be super pissed and would say something. I wouldn’t go ballistic but I’d make it known I’m annoyed and upset that she over stepped. Good luck mum!

I didn’t mean it offensive, I was just inquisitive. Her tone is very similar to a woman who chose not to have kids that I work with. She just couldn’t understand the pull of feelings concerning this area. Which is fair enough - have an opinion.

But Angel has been ok this thread all day berating anyone that didn’t agree with her. And as it turns out I was right she doesn’t have kids, which I think is relevant is your going to chase people all day through a thread.