MIL cut DD1 hair whilst I'm in hospital with DD2

[Alik212]

I have no idea how to react to this other than be incredibly angry and sad for my MIL.

I gave birth on Wed and the MIL looked after DD1 (21mnths) for a few hours, this is the first time she has ever done so on her own, as "she doesn't do babies".

DD1 now looks like shes recieved a hair cut to her fringe.

I think MIL has crossed the line. DH is saying I'm over reacting, but fuck me it can never be undone and she's my baby. Plus who does something like that when you're not around giving birth...

What should I do...?

How does she have a fringe in the first place if she has never had a haircut before?

I'd be livid, tbh.

If it was my mum who did it, I'd be furious but at least I'd be able to call her out for it and then we could move on. MIL relationships, personally anyway, are a lot harder.

She hugely overstepped. You should always ask before you do anything like that to someone else's child.

I'd try and focus on new baby for now, but once you're home and settled (and calmer), I'd ask her if she did and why. I'd explain it was a selfish thing to do and remind her she needs to ask before doing anything similar again (thinking of more hair cuts, ear piercings, etc). If she did similar again I'd honestly revoke unsupervised contact because it would be sheer disrespect at that point.

I can’t believe the number of people on here who think it’s okay to take a pair of scissors to someone else’s child’s hair!

I would be livid OP.

My MIL cut DD1’s hair a bit without asking when she was 3. I was seriously ticked off and my DH told her off. Parents decide on haircuts for little kids, no one else. Don’t go CRAZY but it is clearly out of order.

I actually can’t stand it when posters write ‘Umm’ at the beginning of their sentence. It’s worse than ‘hun’

This happened to me with dd after specifically asking mil not to. Why do so many grandmas want to do this? My mil does lots of small over stepping like that, giving them food they were not allowed when they were younger or letting them do things I’d already said no to. It’s so irritating but you look like the dick if you get the hump about it.

and op is totally justified to go ballistic at her.

Why wind up a woman who had just given birth?? It's not very responsible..

My mom took a curl off the back of my daughters hair I went mad she disnt have much hair to begin with wtf was she thinking!

Dont worry too much .Sometimes looks worse than it is TBH ! It will grow back and you wont notice it in a few weeks .

I think you have to say something, if nothing else just to find out why she did it and make sure it doesn’t happen again. I don’t think it’s worth a big family feud though.

I would start by getting dh on side, then yes say something to her. He isn't seeing the larger picture and doesn't want to offend her but as pp says what if she decides dd would look like with ears pierced! Doesn't have to be a big confrontation, 'MIL I noticed dd has had her hair cut, we were growing it out and you've overstepped a boundary', see what she says to that.

YABU - it's a little bit of hair and it will grow back!!!!

How does she have a fringe in the first place if she has never had a haircut before?

Yes, I was wondering this

Maybe she thought the hair was getting in her eyes and just trimmed a little off the fringe. I'd be slightly annoyed but would let it go. It's not a big deal really.

How does she have a fringe in the first place if she has never had a haircut before

Both my dds were basically bald until they were two then their hair grew in to mops.

The Op could have just been pushing it to the side as in the ‘fringe area’

Waveysnail
How does she have a fringe in the first place if she has never had a haircut before?

My daughter has a double crown and when she was very little her hair just naturally grew forward, it wasn't a deliberate fringe as such, but that was kind of the best way to describe it. It ended up being a fringe because it had to eventually be trimmed when it got close to her eyes.

It's only hair.

My MIL has done this to my 4year old. I went nuts. My DH was too much of a wuss to talk to her about it though and I knew that if I talk to her than there will be no going back afterwards. So I rang my SIL. She was outraged on my behalf (she has no DC herself) and sorted her mother out for me. My MIL rang to apologise. Up until this day I really don’t know what had caused that moment of madness that made her cut DD’s fringe because she has always known that I don’t stand for any form of nonsense or interfering.

It's a fringe trim at most. not a buzz cut.

Congrats on the new arrival

and YABU (the hair, if cut at all, will grow back)

Just wait until your kids are older and cut each others hair.
Dont worry, it will grow back. Especially if its just the fringe i wouldnt get too worked up about it.

Could be worse

My Nan decided to give dd a hair fringe trim and butchered it that badly that even her hairdresser told her off.

It was terrible and I was furious but I didn’t bother having a go, as the hairdresser already had

She hasn’t done it since

You need to pull her up in it otherwise she'll think it's ok and do it again ... or worse!

I cried at the shape my toast was cut into day 3 PP so I’m sure I’d have been devastated if my child’s hair had been cut. My feelings would have been genuine, yes, but would they have been justified? No.

Let it go. Enjoy your baby and your little girl. Congratulations.

Congratulations on your new baby. It sounds from your post that you don’t have a great relationship with your MIL and so minor things will irritate. It could have come from a good place and she was trying to help you out.

YANBU, it is not her place to have done it