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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL cut DD1 hair whilst I'm in hospital with DD2

193 replies

Alik212 · 07/03/2020 19:46

I have no idea how to react to this other than be incredibly angry and sad for my MIL.

I gave birth on Wed and the MIL looked after DD1 (21mnths) for a few hours, this is the first time she has ever done so on her own, as "she doesn't do babies".

DD1 now looks like shes recieved a hair cut to her fringe.

I think MIL has crossed the line. DH is saying I'm over reacting, but fuck me it can never be undone and she's my baby. Plus who does something like that when you're not around giving birth...

What should I do...?

OP posts:
sarahjconnor · 07/03/2020 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timetest · 07/03/2020 20:23

I would mention it to mil and rather gently, tell her it’s something I would have liked to oversee myself in the future.

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 07/03/2020 20:24

I'd see my arse. MIL was out of order.

YappityYapYap · 07/03/2020 20:26

Her fringe has been cut?

Catapillarsruletheworld · 07/03/2020 20:26

Congratulations On the birth of your baby OP.

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but after you’ve had a baby your hormones are all over the place, it probably seems more of a big deal now than it will in a couple weeks.

Just enjoy your little ones and try not to let it get to you. It’ll grow back.

TheWordmeister · 07/03/2020 20:28

Calm down ffs.

Ask mil not to do that again and move on.

GabriellaMontez · 07/03/2020 20:29

Overstepping boundaries. Is this typical of her or a genuine misjudgment? I'd be pissed off.

Darbs76 · 07/03/2020 20:31

My friends SIL cut her daughters hair from a very long style to a Bob. She made her feelings known but she moved on. So should you

champagneandfromage50 · 07/03/2020 20:32

sorry but looking after her for a couple of hours shouldnt equate to her cutting your DD hair....seems a little bizarre that she used that time to do that. My mum still holds a grudge about my gran who took my sister to get her first hair cut. She was furious....i find it odd everyone on here saying calm down as if it has nothing to do with the OP.

Nanny0gg · 07/03/2020 20:37

@champagneandfromage50

I agree. I don't believe for one second she was being 'helpful'.

Congratulations on DD2 OP!

Violetparis · 07/03/2020 20:38

I'd be furious too.

PanamaPattie · 07/03/2020 20:40

I would be bloody furious. It's not "just hair" it's about power and control. If your DD's hair was in her eyes, the hair cut could have waited until you got home. Congratulations by the way. If she was my MIL, I would tell her no uncertain terms that has pissed me right off and to stay out of my way until further notice.

damnthatanxiety · 07/03/2020 20:41

she looked after DD1 for the first time and for 'a few hours' and decided to cut her hair? That is way overstepping and definitely not normal behaviour. It is a power and dominance thing.

There is no way that in a few hours, she felt that your DD1 desperately needed a hair cut. She did it consciously or subconsciously to assert her position. You need to stop this now. She needs to know in no uncertain terms that this is not acceptable and that she may have access limited if this she thinks it is acceptable to modify your child. What next, pierce her ears?

OhCaptain · 07/03/2020 20:43

Oof!

Ok. You’ve just had a baby! Enjoy the snuggles, get some rest.

Next time she has her haircut you’ll be there and it will be the first for you and her. Count it as her first! Keep the lock of hair if that’s what you do.

Don’t let it affect your lovely new baby time.

BorneoBabe · 07/03/2020 20:43

It's not about the style/cut/"it will grow back". You aren't overreacting at all. It's a parental decision. She completely overstepped a boundary. She is not the parent. And on top of that, it would have been her first haircut, which everyone knows is special.

I'd be concerned your DH doesn't get that.

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/03/2020 20:45

My gm took me for a hair cut at 4 and had my fringe that dm was growing out cut back in.

My mum went batshit and we didn’t see them for 6 months. Never had a fringe since.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 07/03/2020 20:47

I'd ask her why. There could be an explanation that won't make it ok but might make it slightly more understandable.

Congratulations on the new baby!

RoomR0613 · 07/03/2020 20:47

It's one of those things isn't it where the actual cutting of the hair isn't necessarily the problem because it will grow back/can be fixed.

The problem is the massive overstepping of boundaries at the first opportunity, however minor a thing, that just shows complete disrespect for the fact that some seemingly small things can be really important to parents of young children.

My MIL does stuff like this often and if I get upset I always somehow end up coming off as petty/ unreasonable as she was 'just trying to be helpful'. My mum is just as bad given the chance but because she is my mum I can tell her she's overstepped without causing WW3.

Sizeablecontours · 07/03/2020 20:57

Children's hairstyles are so subjective, one person's "neglected and messy" " is another person's "cute and free-flowing". For that reason, I would never cut the hair of a child I was looking after for someone else (short of a plasticine incident). It's like your assuming " ownership". And it could be construed as an implied criticism.

It's a bit like when you look after a relative's house while they go on holiday. Fine if you take in the post and water the plants as requested. Still fine if you take it upon yourself to buy fresh milk and bread for their return. Not so fine if you start reorganising their kitchen cupboards and wardrobes! There's a line you don't cross.

BreatheAndFocus · 07/03/2020 21:02

You’re perfectly right to be pissed off and upset, OP. This was a total bitch thing to do by MIL. I’d be fuming.

I’d be distancing myself from her and telling her she can FRO if she ever mentions ‘looking after’ DD again. It was a nasty thing to do. I’d guess she doesn’t think much of you and your abilities. “Trying to be helpful” my arse 😡

Congratulations on your baby Flowers

Bakedbrie · 07/03/2020 21:08

It’s annoying but not worth getting too worked up about. Maybe the hair was in her eyes or getting very grubby or something and she didn’t want to bother you with trivial stuff while you were in hospital?

Cobwebsandbrooms · 07/03/2020 21:09

I wouldn't be happy either. Both my DDs have beautiful long hair and I would be devastated if someone else cut it without my knowing.

Lynda07 · 07/03/2020 21:11

Ask her about it.

I remember my mum cutting my son's hair a bit and I told her straight she was out of order but we got past it. She didn't do it again.

Find out why she took it upon herself to cut your daughter's hair and clearly explain she shouldn't have done so.

Alsohuman · 07/03/2020 21:15

You’ve got a beautiful four day old baby and a lovely toddler with slightly less hair than before. You’ve got so much to be grateful for. Focus on your blessings. The hair will grow.

Serin · 07/03/2020 21:22

It could be worse.
Roll her sleeves up and look for the "I love my Nana" tattoo.

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