To be pissed off at DH who made me look a twat?

[SlashsSnakePit]

DH and I were going on a night out last night with his mate and his mates wife. He told me they were called Alan and Borgenstein. Obviously I questioned the wife’s name but he insisted she was Dutch and that was her actual name.

We got there and his mate did indeed refer to his wife as Borg so fair enough but DH whispered to me that she likes to be called her full name and only her hubby calls her Borg. So a while later I refer to her as her full name. Only that is not her real name at all. DH bursts out laughing and his mate punches him in the arm and calls him a twat. DH then explains its an in joke between the pair of them. His wife looked uncomfortable and I felt like an absolute twat. DH thinks I’m over reacting but I’m so annoyed. I struggle with social anxiety and this will play on my mind for months if not years.

Domestic abuse?

Jesus fucking wept

For all the people saying its hilariously funny- i bet they wouldnt feel that if they were in a different country and the locals were mocking their name and laughing about it.

Your H sounds like an absolute dick head and a borderline racist too, making fun of "foreign" names is really racist and it assumes that everyone should be called something like John or Linda because anything non british is clearly something to laugh about.
He's a fcking twat.

It's about knowing your audience, I think. We would find this funny but then I don't have social anxiety and it's not something that would upset me. I also wouldn't expect my husband to pull a prank that would upset someone else, if Borg was made uncomfortable by it. Our friends tend to share our sense of humour so would most likely find it amusing too.

So I don't think as an act it's necessarily bad, but it was at best thoughtless as presumably OP's husband knows how it might affect her, and he misjudged the situation and the people involved.

It's very basic teenage-boyish stuff, so it depends on your level of humour I guess?

As it's OP's DH, it's just a bit unkind isn't it if he's aware of her social phobia.

Did you accidentally go out with Jay and Neil from The Inbetweeners?

LTB
( leave the Borgstard)

Why is Borgenstein funny?

I don't think it is domestic abuse but if a joke is aimed at someone to make them uncomfortable then it isn't a joke.

it's just a bit unkind isn't it if he's aware of her social phobia

Also- the butt of the joke- Borg didnt laugh either, it clearly made her feel uncomfortable. Its not funny. Its pathetic

I would be embarrassed about your husbands behaviour towards the other lady actually. I bet she thinks he’s a right twat. I would

Yeah I shouldn't have qualified it. It is unkind.

I'm sorry but I actually think it's funny! Can't you all take a joke

I hate this type of comment. It's what school bullies say when the children they're bullying burst into tears.

I wouldn't be upset by this type of joke, I would think it very juvenile, though. But that's not the point here; her DH was being unkind for the simple reason that he knows that she suffers from social anxiety..

Whether you have social anxiety or not it's not even funny. I know somebody like this who always makes jokes at his wife's expense when out. Makes me cringe. It was him that looked stupid not you. Also people on here quoting their own husband who have made "jokes" at their expense. I'd never be with anybody like that.

OP- next time you have a social get together I'd be tempted to joke about your H's tiny penis and then see how hilariously funny he finds that

@SlashsSnakePit What a nob head. Bet he thinks he's sooooo hilarious.

Bet he wouldn't like the same trick played on him eh? Most people who pull stupid, childish, unfunny shit like this, don't like it when you do it to them.

YANBU. He's a twat.

It’s not funny. Repeatedly taking the mickey out of someone’s name is tiresome and belittling. The two men are twats.

YANBU. I’d be really upset at this too.

It’s this ‘prank culture’ I can’t stand - social anxiety or not, it’s horrible to pull a prank on someone that has the capacity to embarrass or upset someone. If you can’t pull a prank that doesn’t do that then you shouldn’t be doing it at all.

Seems I'm in the minority here but as someone who struggles in certain social situations myself, that would have made me laugh and really lightened the mood for me.

I struggle in social situations too and this would have made me feel awful and really embarrassed - not at all funny to me.

Thing is, you need to know your audience. Taking the piss out of someone's name at other people's expense isn't funny. Take the piss out of your own all you want!

Wow! So many posters on here really don't understand how social anxiety affects people

It has nothing to do with not having a sense of humour.

If it had happened to me I would have laughed it off, but I don't have social anxiety, but I do know people who do, and am sensitive to their feelings.

Hope ypure ok, OP. I suffer with social anxiety and this would have upset me and had me overthinking for days. It was cruel and pathetic. I'd text her and apologise, say you had no idea and found it embarrassing.

Your DP and his mate are sad little twats. Men never get bored of making women feel small it would seem, or demonstrating their 'stupidity' so they can feel superior. It's really shown him up as a puerile disrespectful prat IMO. Is he always so 'hilarious'?

Thing is, you need to know your audience. Taking the piss out of someone's name at other people's expense isn't funny. Take the piss out of your own all you want!

^This totally.

This is one of those things that comes down to personality. Some people don't mind having the piss taken out of them and find it really funny. Other people feel really uncomfortable and embarrassed by it. I fall in the latter category so I certainly wouldn't have found this funny, although I wouldn't be upset about it. I find it's better to look confused and ask them to explain why they are laughing. Having to explain the joke certainly takes the air out of their sails.

I absolutely do not struggle in social situations, I am very confident. But I don't put up with arseholes being twatish. What a dick .Any 'joke' that might stray into shaming or humiliation is just lame. I can be whip funny (making people belly laugh). I have never done this at the expense of others. But then perhaps DH is not smart enough not sensitive enough to be funny and kind...

Overreacting much! It was a joke, forget it and move on with life instead of hanging on to something that was meant to be funny

It wasn't a joke though, they did it to cause embarrassment and humiliation knowing OP has anxiety. Not funny.

Your husband, knowing you have social anxiety, sets you up to feel stupid in front of people you’ve just met. He sound like a prize cunt. And this woman will think your husband is a twat, not you so try not to feel upset about it.

Also I am desperate to know what the wife's name really is.