To be pissed off at DH who made me look a twat?

[SlashsSnakePit]

DH and I were going on a night out last night with his mate and his mates wife. He told me they were called Alan and Borgenstein. Obviously I questioned the wife’s name but he insisted she was Dutch and that was her actual name.

We got there and his mate did indeed refer to his wife as Borg so fair enough but DH whispered to me that she likes to be called her full name and only her hubby calls her Borg. So a while later I refer to her as her full name. Only that is not her real name at all. DH bursts out laughing and his mate punches him in the arm and calls him a twat. DH then explains its an in joke between the pair of them. His wife looked uncomfortable and I felt like an absolute twat. DH thinks I’m over reacting but I’m so annoyed. I struggle with social anxiety and this will play on my mind for months if not years.

MitziK do you suffer from anxiety too?

He deliberately did something he knew you would not like. If he doesn’t understand why you’re upset, there’s no hope really is there.

YANBU, it made you uncomfortable, it made her uncomfortable. So it made the women uncomfortable and the men laughed heartily.

Hmmm. As somebody upthread said, he's a comedy genius.

I wonder what their nickname is for you OP? Your dh and his mate sound immature, I so glad my DH isn’t a “lad” type.

You shouldn’t be embarrassed at all though.

The replies really don't help the OP understand that for this to play on her mind for 'months or years', is due to her social anxiety and that it's a massive overreaction.

Yes however surely her H knows she suffered from anxiety and would not find this funny. The fact he planned this, is the issue here. It’s just nasty to do that to your wife.

I'm not clear.

Was it your dh who said it's a private joke?

If it was then her dh just punched him and called him a twat and (depending on the tone) wasn't complicit. He and his wife probably have a right old moan about his twat "friend" after they see him, he is probably that person who they don't quite cut out but think he is a bit of a twat who they tolerate.

The private joke could very well be your dh continuing a joke that her dh isn't actually part of and sighs every time it's brought up.

I'd also think there was an implication that the wife was 'a monster'. Adding '-enstein' as a suffix is usually to make a connection with Frankenstein.

Also so glad my OH isn't a 'lad' type.

Dp told me a couple we were going to meet up with the mans name was Derek.

I chatted with the wife and did refer to her oh as Derek.

Saw them briefly over several months until one evening she pulled me up and asked who was Derek

We then turned to Dp and “Derek” who were stood at the bar giggling away.

They couldn’t believe how long the joke had lasted.

I have no idea why anyone would think that was in the least bit funny. A pp mentioning "Frenkenstein" just makes it worse, really.

Sorry, Frankenstein.

Because some people have a sense of humour and don’t over think and get offended at just about anything.

I'm sorry but I actually think it's funny! Can't you all take a joke

Not much of a joke really is it? It's just mean and designed to make both women feel awkward and embarrassed.

I’m Dutch. Her full name is probably Ingeborg. It’s a perfectly normal name here in a particular age group.

What gets really tiresome is people making a big deal out of your name because they think it’s funny I get so fed up with people imitating my accent. It’s really not in the least bit amusing.

I’m in your side OP in case that wasn’t clear! As a PP said it was designed to make both women uncomfortable and embarrassed. Ha fucking ha

OP make sure you have a serious talk with him (again) about SAD, and about how this made you feel. If he does something similar after that, he clearly doesn't respect you and I'd be at LEAST telling him you needed space and were moving out for a bit.

He sounds like a playground bully. He KNOWS you won't retaliate. This is seriously going to make your condition worse - believe me, I know all about it unfortunately.

I'm with you on this one OP, I have social anxiety too and this would play on my mind years after. He was cruel to both you and his friends wife.

Really I would just laugh and start plotting a revenge joke . But I have a silly sense of humour and I like a man with a sense of humour too.
Each to their own.
His joke backfired....I would expect him to have been able to judge the situation correctly as you must know each other well enough by now !

So was it like a bet between them for Op's husband to make Op called the wife the wrong name?

I think it's a horrible thing to do.

But then I don't get humiliating someone you are supposed to love on purpose.

If that makes me humourless-I can live with that!

So has the DH apologised to his friend's wife as she didn't seem too happy about being the butt of a joke either?

DS was quite often the butt of jokes from some not so nice children in his class at Primary school. Funnily enough he didn't find it funny (and neither did I) Because of that experience he is more sensitive when people do it to him now.

Where are some peoples' sense of humour?! That was FUNNY! If my Dh did that to me I'd be in hysterics. Borgenstein lol

Well it’s not really funny to take the piss out of someone’s name.

I mean, I don’t think it’s domestic abuse

But I don’t think it’s funny either.

I bet your social anxiety will miraculously disappear when you no longer socialise with these dicks

See I'd find this funny, but why did he call her Borg? Did she hear him say that?

Seems I'm in the minority here but as someone who struggles in certain social situations myself, that would have made me laugh and really lightened the mood for me. Humour is the spice of life and all that, so I hope you manage to see the funny side and are able to laugh it off soon OP.