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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off at DH who made me look a twat?

217 replies

SlashsSnakePit · 07/03/2020 09:00

DH and I were going on a night out last night with his mate and his mates wife. He told me they were called Alan and Borgenstein. Obviously I questioned the wife’s name but he insisted she was Dutch and that was her actual name.

We got there and his mate did indeed refer to his wife as Borg so fair enough but DH whispered to me that she likes to be called her full name and only her hubby calls her Borg. So a while later I refer to her as her full name. Only that is not her real name at all. DH bursts out laughing and his mate punches him in the arm and calls him a twat. DH then explains its an in joke between the pair of them. His wife looked uncomfortable and I felt like an absolute twat. DH thinks I’m over reacting but I’m so annoyed. I struggle with social anxiety and this will play on my mind for months if not years.

OP posts:
LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 07/03/2020 09:55

YANBU

That's exactly the sort of bantz that make my ovaries shrivel and turn in the opposite direction.

Sympathies OP.

Winterwoollies · 07/03/2020 09:56

He’s basically taking the piss out of his mates wife’s name and you were collateral.

He’s not the comedy genius he thinks he is.

If you got on with his wife, maybe reach out to her with a text and say you’re sorry your husband is a prick and then be friendly with her and talk of something else. For my anxiety, I like to tackle things like that head on and move on (without making a big deal of it) rather than leave it hanging over me.

Ginfordinner · 07/03/2020 09:56

I'm sorry but I actually think it's funny! Can't you all take a joke?

The OP suffers from social anxiety MummyDummyNow. Pranks like that would send her anxiety into overdrive.

Yes, but embarrassing your wife when you know she has social anxiety, isn’t a joke. Or funny

Exactly. A joke is only funny if all parties find it funny. You seem to lack empathy for people with this problem.

Winterwoollies · 07/03/2020 09:56

Mate’s*

gamerchick · 07/03/2020 09:57

I'd be wondering what you 'name' is between the 2 of them.

He's a twat and it was a mean thing to pull.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/03/2020 09:58

If 2 people aren’t in on the joke, it’s not funny.

If these were children instead of adults and your DC were the butt of someone’s else joke and they were upset by it, would you just laugh along with the joke or understand that they would be upset.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 07/03/2020 10:00

So alan has secretly nicknamed his wife “borgenstein” and takes the piss out of her with your DH. Your DH forgot the bro code and told you the name. Not only did he embarrass you, he embarrassed his friends wife & she now knows there was an in joke that she was the butt of between her husband and his friends. That she became aware of in front of others. Nice. What a catch the pair of your husbands are.

gingersausage · 07/03/2020 10:01

Fuck’s sake can we save bullying and domestic abuse for situations that actually warrant them, rather than trivialising them to the point where people just roll their eyes and take the piss?

OP, your husband and his mate are twats but unfortunately people like that always think they’re sooooo funny and you’re just a misery who can’t take a joke and has no sense of humour 🙄. I’m sure it’s all “top bantz” though. For what it’s worth, if I was the other bloke’s wife I wouldn’t think any less of you; I’d realise you’d been set up and just cringe for you.

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2020 10:02

Fuck’s sake can we save bullying and domestic abuse for situations that actually warrant them, rather than trivialising them to the point where people just roll their eyes and take the piss?

Exactly.

This is why MN is so often the laughing stock of the internet.

puds11 · 07/03/2020 10:02

He’s a twat. I’d be fuming.

roarfeckingroar · 07/03/2020 10:03

No one has a sense of humour anymore

roarfeckingroar · 07/03/2020 10:03

Or resilience

Olawisk · 07/03/2020 10:05

It’s a joke, get over it. Christ, people are so touchy now. Can’t even have a laugh without offending someone.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/03/2020 10:06

If it’s so bloody hilarious why didn’t this epic comedians make themselves the butt of the joke.

OhCaptain · 07/03/2020 10:06

Fuck’s sake can we save bullying and domestic abuse for situations that actually warrant them, rather than trivialising them to the point where people just roll their eyes and take the piss?

Exactly! This is why there are literally piss taking accounts on social media.

It wasn’t funny. They’re a pair of knobs with bells on. But that’s it. End of story.

Christ on a bike!

fedup21 · 07/03/2020 10:06

So he did it to wind his friend up?

In the process, he’s also pissed you off, upset the wife and made himself look like a complete arse.

What an idiot.

sonjadog · 07/03/2020 10:06

I dont understand what is funny about it. One person calls someone a version of their name that they presumably don't like judging from their response, they tell their mate who then tricks someone else into calling this person the name they don't like. Where´s the humour in that? Sounds much more like the behaviour of a couple fo dickheads to me. Can the posters who find it funny explain why it is funny to them?

Howdy1212 · 07/03/2020 10:08

@WorraLiberty no i think it is the laughing stock of the internet because a bunch of wannabe martyrs hurl abuse at a random strangers spouse/friend/relative because they have nothing better to do with their time.

It was a joke, plain and simple.

partofthepeanutgallery · 07/03/2020 10:10

Your DH and his friend sound like a couple of arseholes if they like to sit around making fun of the poor woman's name.

Your H is the twat, not you.

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother · 07/03/2020 10:10

FFS bullying and domestic abuse! Seriously!?
Angry

Nuttyfellalovesnutella · 07/03/2020 10:11

In the scheme of things, it’s not a big deal.

It sounds a bit like calling someone Elizabeth when their name is actually Liz or Beth, and they hate the long form of thier name.

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2020 10:13

Exactly my point Howdy1212

Massive overreactions on this thread, to something that deserves no more than a tut and an eye roll.

The replies really don't help the OP understand that for this to play on her mind for 'months or years', is due to her social anxiety and that it's a massive overreaction.

OhCaptain · 07/03/2020 10:15

The replies really don't help the OP understand that for this to play on her mind for 'months or years', is due to her social anxiety and that it's a massive overreaction.

Exactly this. And if she’s already climbing the walls about it, posters overreacting won’t help. There’s a real family behind this post.

MitziK · 07/03/2020 10:15

It would come under the categories of criticism, disrespect and isolation. He is demonstrating that not only does he not respect her enough to use her real name when she doesn't like what he calls her, his mate does it, his mate's wife does it and it's soooo funny, she's being completely insane for not liking it. Bet she hates social occasions because everybody joins in with her husband in taking the piss out of her name - which makes her less likely to go out or talk to people. And he's gaslighting her 'It's just a joke, you can't take a joke, you're soooo miserable, I'm the funny one, see how everybody else thinks it's funny, too, you're mad'.

heartonastring · 07/03/2020 10:19

What embarrassing behaviour on your husbands part. He will be the one that looks like the fool. The other woman's husband will have some explaining to do with his wife. Put it out your mind. You don't need to take this on as a worry. You didn't do anything wrong.