To think we shouldn’t have to visit PiLs every holiday?

[greenfrog21]

My DH says the most important thing to him in the school holidays is making sure our DDs (4 and 1) see their grandparents. This is more important to him than us going away ourselves / with anyone else.

We have plans to see my family over the Easter weekend, and as a result he wants to make sure we see his parents for 4 days. He doesn’t want them to visit us (in London) as he says it’s hard work hosting them (which it is - they are not easy guests, but I still prefer it to staying at their house). So we have to visit them, in their house which is cramped, sleeping on an incredibly uncomfortable mattress in a small double bed (DD2 co sleeps), suffering MiL’s cooking, and in a village where we need to get in a car to drive anywhere interesting.

I have no issue with staying at their house occasionally, but I do not want to be spending several days there every 6/7 weeks. (We were there for 4 days at Christmas and 3 days at the February half term.) By contrast, we go to stay with my DF and DSM twice a year (in a very comfortable house with delicious cooking) - they are very happy to visit us; and we see my DM often but for short periods of time as she also lives in London.

DH has now said he’s going to his parents for 4 days the day after term ends and is taking DD1 with him and I can go when I like with DD2 (who is still breastfeeding). So he is recognising the fact that I don’t want to go, but I don’t like the idea of splitting the family up like that. I also don’t like that he’s going immediately after term ends as I’d like DD1 to have some downtime first. I feel like DH and his parents are dictating our holidays. AIBU? How often do others visit family?

Oliversmummy - have you read the thread? The OP is a SAHM so she has all of the school holidays free to spend with her children, a few days spent away with GPs (& she can easily stay at home with the younger DC as suggested by the DH) is really not 'cutting into' her time with her DC.

Her bloke's only taking the eldest. The youngest is breastfeeding.

That can't be right, only alsohuman has read the thread properly and she says it isn't.

I'm sure Mums are hardwired to reject inlaws because they're not blood relatives and we're so protective of our DC....some kind of innate animal instinct.

No they're not. And I wasn't protective of my DC apart from keeping them well, watered, educated and fed. Alas my SAHM MiL lived 4 hours away and didn't drive though was happy to visit by train. My DM was working and drove happily the 90 minutes when she was free, but propinquity meant we saw more of her than MiL.

Some of my family live in the same town or village they were brought up in and are within twenty minutes of each other still. Most of us live hundreds if not thousands of miles from them.

I still think the OP needs to have a discussion with her DH and sort out what they both want.

*stop moaning and be grateful your children have loving grandparents alive.

Some dont have any and some grandparents dont want to spend time with their grandkids*

And that has bugger all to do with her situation. Always someone who wants to trot out the “be grateful” malarkey.

You sound like my partner who I still harbour resentment for being against our children spending very much time with my parents when they were young. Especially because my mum died and I felt she hadn't really got to know her grandchildren.

Just because the mum is a sahp doesn’t mean she can go out for the day as a family.
There is school and her dhs work.

It sounds like dh spends all the holiday time going to see his parents.

Do you ever go on holiday for a couple of weeks just your dh and your children.