Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

Oh this is tricky. You want her to wear clothes that she feels comfortable in, and bring 'big' certainly doesn't change that, but at the same time you don't want people to say something rotten to her. Part of me thinks that she can wear what she wants, as long as she's decent, but the other part of me gets that you still want to protect her. I think, though, that no good will come from you telling her that her clothes aren't flattering. I can't see that conversation ending anywhere near well, to be honest.

Say nothing beyond suggesting she puts a jumper or jacket on if it is cold. She'll only dig her heels in.

It's her choice now what to wear.

If she feels good about herself then you should be happy for her and don't say anything to make her feel bad

She looks ridiculous in your opinion, not I suspect in hers.

My family do this to me occasionally. I'm 53 and it's vaguely annoying: no, I don't want to convert my shaved head to a 'nice pixie cut'.

Leave her be.

I've looked online for an example - this sort of thing too... (pic is not my DD)

I'd stick to admiring the outfits you like. Wait until she asks for help.

My mother doesn't like my dress sense at all, thinks things I wear are unflattering or outlandish. I get better advice from people my own age.

If her clothes are impractical, check she's got alternatives 'oh it's a bit chilly, have you got jeans you can wear instead of leggings, if you're cold?'

Bear in mind that what we like the look of is irrelevant to young people- otherwise the boys wouldn't have their bottoms hanging over the top of their jeans.

It's an American actress I've never hear of. The F'ing DF we're making fun of her 'ill fitting' trousers 😡

I see some larger girls wearing see-through leggings which leave nothing to the imagination and think "how sad no-one has mentioned it to them". The only way might be to comment on how poor the quality of some leggings have got, how frustrating etc. The being cold is up to her, the leggings is a shame as people will judge that. I agree that it will be almost impossible to do this kindly.

That photo was an actress dressed in character for filming.

Not everyone has to be stylish, by the way.

I’d certainly point out that you can see her pants through her leggings but apart from that I’d leave it. It’s what teenagers do.

You're on a hiding to nothing with a 17 yr old. However I would mention it, I had a daughter that age once. Sometimes you just have to.

I think this is one to keep to yourself... no matter how nicely you try to say it, it will come out as humiliating and she'll either be angry or really upset and self-conscious. As others have said, be vocal about the stuff she looks nice in.

I have to say I am encouraged by the way more curvy teenage girls these days go for wearing fashion and I've seen a lot of bigger girls looking really cute in denim shorts and crop tops because you can generally get away with that in your teens. But yes, some of it can be a bit unflattering with the best will in the world, especially if it involves flimsy fabrics that aren't very good quality.

If her leggings are see-through I'd tell her because she might not have realised/it's potentially indecent.

But if it's just a case of taste then no, don't be the jerk person who thinks there's only one 'correct' style which looks nice, she's dressing the way she wants to. If she wants you're opinion she'll ask for it.

Please don’t. She’ll figure out her own style eventually. My DM did this to me and I’m still self conscious despite being in my 40’s

You're all right but it makes me feel so sad. She's lovely and usually looks gorgeous.
Whether we like it or not, bigger girls don't always look good wearing tucked in tops or tiny tops with leggings whereas slim girls can get away with it.
I'd hate for some f'ing boy (or girl) to snigger at her because of what she's wearing.

I told her today and she was angry. She changed the tiny off the shoulder top for a T-shirt but stropped off angrily to college and I feel like a nasty piece of work.

What did you tell her Op?

I’d definitely tell her the leggings aren see though and would probably make a comment about wearing a longer top to hide the fact they are see through!

Well OP I presume you're not surprised. How would you feel if your taste in clothes was criticised regularly? You're not her, she may not share your taste. What makes your opinion about what she wears more valuable than hers?

All you had to say is, is she aware her leggings are see through. You didn't need to comment on the top at all.

She's probably able to handle people at college and she shouldn't have to change her behaviour because of what a boy might do. Kids are generally more accepting at college at people's various styles.

See through leggings? Of course tell her. See through leggings and people are one of life's biggest mysteries. You see people, every day, walking about with their friends or family and they have see through leggings on. I want to shout at them all 'why don't you tell her' - it's the most bizarre thing to have become unspoken.

I'm a student at uni and lots of this is just the way that they all dress at the moment - leggings and short tops with the leggings being unfortunately see through or really not a good fashion statement for the person they're on... it's their fashion mistake to make - hell I made enough when I was their age.

My mum did it to me constantly and it wrecked all my self esteem for years.

Why did you bother posting if you were going to ignore advice?

I suspect most teens would be horrified that their mums thought they looked cool - given that what's cool for a 40 year old is incredibly naff for a teen.

I told her that it was really cold outside (rain/sleet) and said that she'd be freezing even with a coat.
I told her that I could see her back when she sat down and that the top 'didn't really go with that particular pair of trousers' Maybe a longer top?

Give her some guidance. That's what mothering/parenting is about, surely.

It's nothing to do with 'taste' in clothes or fashion.
She doesn't seem to realise that I can see her knickers or that the top rides up when she sits down.

Titchy I've ignored nothing!
I posted to ask if IABU saying something. I said something this morning. Before I posted.