Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

Also, Titchy Do you think that the picture I posted is a 'cool' style for a teen?

Has she got a full length mirror ?? She may not realise.

Definitely tell her about see through leggings, maybe take her shopping for some better / thicker ones ??

My dd lives in black leggings and I've found the extra thick ones from Asda are the best. They also sell compression leggings which are really flattering. Well as flattering as leggings can be.

DD also had leggings with long top drummed into her when she started wearing them as I'd seen so many fashion disasters so I get where you're coming from.

Whether we like it or not, bigger girls don't always look good wearing tucked in tops or tiny tops with leggings whereas slim girls can get away with it.

That is a social construct type of thing though, IYSWIM? I'm impressed that young women these days feel much more able to experiment with their clothes no matter their size. Back in my day it was baggy jumpers to hide every lump and bump and i wish I'd had their confidence.

I think mentioning the see through leggings is ok (but you have to be careful - are they see through because they're the cheaper sort, or because they are too stretched, or worn or whatever?) and telling her when she wears an outfit you like. Women, particularly the young ones, are under so much pressure about their looks (and increasingly men and young men, unfortunately) it really feels harsh to join in with that.

Kuponut - it's their fashion mistake to make - hell I made enough when I was their age. My mum did it to me constantly and it wrecked all my self esteem for years.

I know. I'm listening to you. I feel awful.

What do you call quite big? What a lovely way to talk about your daughter

What you said is reasonable and it was about letting her know her flesh was out at the back and it was unflattering. She can choose to ignore you. If we can't rely on our parents to guide us despite it being awkward sometimes we have no hope! It's one thing if she's confident in her own skin but another if she is lacking in guidance and in ignorance of the fact her pants are visible etc.

didn't see a picture, btw, who is the actress?

I told her that it was really cold outside (rain/sleet) and said that she'd be freezing even with a coat.

Does she have SN? Can she not decide for herself whether to dress for the weather or not? You do know most teens don't wear coats, and apparently don't feel the cold.

I told her that it was really cold outside (rain/sleet) and said that she'd be freezing even with a coat.

Is there something wrong with her back?

the top 'didn't really go with that particular pair of trousers' Maybe a longer top?

Imposing your sense of what goes and not accepting hers.

YABU, do not make her feel shit about herself. She clearly has the confidence to wear the outfits so let her continue and be proud of her.

My mum wears hoodys leggings that are entirely see through. She is not large, but you can see her knickers and it's quite embarrassing!!

One day I just told her, that I could see her pants and she was mortified. I told her about the super thick leggings I had bought in topshop and ever since, she has worn thicker leggings.

She hasn't adjusted her style, but just ensured the world couldn't see her underwear

Perhaps you just need to make clear that you can see your daughters pants and it might surprise her.

What do you call quite big? What a lovely way to talk about your daughter

Plus size clothes.

Do you think that the picture I posted is a 'cool' style for a teen?

Love, I'm in my 50s. I have no clue what's cool for a teen and what's not. I do know my 20 year old wears things I wouldn't choose, but I also know that I'm not 20 and have fuck all knowledge on the matter.

It's a no win situation, really, OP. No matter how it's phrased, she is most likely to take it the wrong way at her age. I have twin daughters and if one is plus size in her teens, then I would do similar, from a place of love.
Rather than tackling the clothes issue, maybe you could suggest joining a gym together? Lifestyle changes, rather than fashion changes?

Fresh
That made me laugh! Was she glad you told her?!

So she's "quite big" and from your comments I understand you to mean overweight? Yet your concern is for her appearance, not her health. I wonder if your DD would start about a thread about her mother judging her and knocking her self confidence and damaging her self esteem.

The only things I usually say to my DC about their outfits are

"Will you be warm enough?"
"Are those my earrings?"
"Where is your umbrella?"
"Do you want to borrow my scarf/gloves?"
"Are those my new shoes you're wearing?"
"There's a ladder in your tights at the back"
"Is that my jumper you are wearing?"
"Are those your sister's jeans and does she know?"
"Zip your bag up, people can nick your phone"
"You really won't be warm enough"

Occasionally I might say "be careful if you sit down or reach up as everyone will see your knickers" but I try not to judge women on their appearance, and remind myself what I looked like at 17

I do tell them their hair looks nice or the new shoes are lovely and can I borrow them

If any of them were overweight or underweight I would talk about it in terms of health and fitness. I don't think these issues should never be mentioned for fear of hurting feelings as the risk to health is important, but I would never phrase it in terms of appearance.

Tell your daughter her leggings are see through. If an outfit is decent but not to your taste, say nothing. If you like an outfit pile on the praise. Cultivate a friendship and you’ll have lots of soft influence.

webuilt
THAT is a whole other thread.

I told her that it was really cold outside (rain/sleet) and said that she'd be freezing even with a coat
I told her that I could see her back when she sat down and that the top 'didn't really go with that particular pair of trousers' Maybe a longer top

Yeah go back to saying nothing. It doesn't matter how you think a bigger girl should dress, all covered up..she has the confidence to wear what she wants. Don't squish that.

Seriously go back to see through leggings and offer to get her some that aren't. Then leave her alone.

And it's true, we all made our own mistakes. I lived through the shell suit years

I would tell her about the see through leggings and try to help her find a better quality pair but the rest is up to her, sorry.

Rabble
You're right!

Take her shopping, maybe do a personal shopper day if you can? that way it’s not coming directly from you.

I would definitely tell her if her underwear or worse is showing through see-through clothing. You’d tell a friend, so why not your daughter?
Re what’s flattering or appropriate, I think the only time you can do that is if she’s going to an event with a clearly implied dress code- wedding, funeral, interview, that kind of thing. I think given that she’s very young, if she has misjudged her outfit it’s the right thing to do to ask her how she’d feel if she knew she had hurt or offended people, or sabotaged an opportunity for herself, by dressing inappropriately. But I think that’s all you can do. And it has to be about suitability and appropriateness, not whether or not it looks good.

I don’t get why you went against advice and made her feel like shit op. She’s not harming anyone, and why should she have to look ‘gorgeous’ 24/7? The outfits you don’t like may just be what she feels comfortable in

I have said to my dd, when about 14, "I can see your pants through those leggings " and got 🤷🏻‍♀️