Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

I explained to her that I was genuinely (and I honestly was) worried that she may one day get raped because of it. I told her I didn’t want to scare her but it was a possibility.

Holy crap.
I have heard it all now.

I explained to her that I was genuinely (and I honestly was) worried that she may one day get raped because of it. I told her I didn’t want to scare her but it was a possibility.

Who wrote that?

It's been quoted several times but I've missed the post.

My mum used to criticise my choice of clothes, mostly my skirts being too short, how my legs from the knees up looked awful, how my clothes were generally wrong.

Yes they were, it was the 80s, my mum did not understand 80s fashion

80s fashion is back (ie baggy too short trousers, wide tops, unflattering clothes like your picture)

Let your DD find her own style

She is not 6, she is a young adult now.

18:50Dillydallyalltheway

I’m very large and my mum really demoralised me about my clothes and they were genuinely fine (I asked my sisters who later admitted that mum was going on about my weight but through my clothing. A few years ago I was seriously worried about my daughters clothes (or some of them) she insisted on wearing clothes far to baggy but what genuinely scared me was that her trousers often showed her bum and half her cheeks. One day she came home from college in fits of tears saying a boy had pulled her trousers down. Obviously first of all I comforted her but a short while later we had a talk about it and I explained to her that what had happened was part of my worse nightmare, I explained to her that I was genuinely (and I honestly was) worried that she may one day get raped because of it. I told her I didn’t want to scare her but it was a possibility.
Personally I think you should talk to your daughter but don’t say anything in a patronising or harsh or unthourtful way.
Good luck to you

I thought that parenting included teaching your children how to dress. Also believe if you can't speak freely to your child about everything how close are you? I would always talk openly with my daughter and share my thoughts on how she dresses. Wouldn't of course forbid her of wearing something and ultimately would respect her choices, but would give her guidance where I find necessary. Most of the advice I see here must be from the same people that let their friend go around all day with food in their teeth or tell them the dress they just tried on looks great when it is actually unflattering. We shouldn't' be afraid of speaking with our children, if not us, who then?

Why should women always wear clothes that are flattering?

A lot of young people’s fashion choices are actually quite anti-flattering, think Billie Eilish

It kind of shows our age to be concerned with clothes being flattering

I would tell her, she may react, but it's your job as her mother to protect her. Maybe explain why you think the leggings are unsuitable and the tops are unsuitable for the weather?

I mainly hate what my DD wears 😆
She’s also 17 but slim and dresses in baggy, quirky crap mainly, but she likes it so I now stay well out of it.
Sometimes it can look good but often it’s way off the mark. I am just thinking that it’s a phase...

What's wrong with seeing her back..? It isn't exactly indecent exposure. Also it doesn't look flattering to YOU, things have changed, attitudes have changed, fashions and what's considered flattering has changed. You can't just project your own outdated views on clothes etc onto a teenager...

Wouldn't of course forbid her of wearing something and ultimately would respect her choices, but would give her guidance where I find necessary

What do you mean by “guidance”? I taught mine how to dress, as in how to physically put on clothes, tie laces etc, but when it comes to actually choosing an outfit, that’s their choice.

Obviously parents choices will dominate in the early years, as they buy the clothes. But mine have always been able to choose what to wear each day, as long as it’s vaguely appropriate for the weather and activity. Unlike my mum who would actually lay our outfits out each night for the day, and would often send me to change, telling me what i should wear if I didn’t meet her standards.

As they grew to teenagers they started shopping for themselves and i only comment if they ask me what i think, and even then i’d state a preference, but never “correct” an outfit or say anything negative.

But then I’ve never followed fashion “rules”, and like to see people mix things up. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. But at least it’s not boring or herd following.

Spinach etc is nothing to do with dashion or clothing choice, and of course I’d point that out.

@bluebluezoo I don't have an 11 year old son. But I do have a 9 year old and yes absolutely I would tell him if his clothes didn't match (it's generally an issue with choice of shoes as it happens) or something didn't suit him or that it wasn't appropriate to wear flip flops when its raining. I stopped my 6 year old wearing a suit jacket with his rugby shorts last week. Again, they're not overweight so they doesn't take my comments as a personal criticism of their appearance. I wouldn't tell my 6 year old that he has sticky out ears though as that would be a personal criticism. Or my 11 year old daughter than her teeth aren't straight.

BMI is not outdated. Look around, levels of obesity are rising and our hospitals are bursting. I went to a high end buffet restaurant type place with my children recently. They were all desperate to go as they had been told about the chocolate fountain (yuck and germ ridden I'm sure). It was literally disgusting. Everyone there had their plate piled high and were trotting backwards and forwards to get more). I'm 23 weeks pregnant and average sized (not skinny thin) and was much slimmer than most of the people there - a significant number were in there 20's, I don't remember seeing big groups of overweight young people (men and women) when I was at uni. We have a serious problem.

Japan has one of the highest levels of longevity and lowest levels of obesity. Agreed you don't just have to be thin, you also need to eat a good diet and some people are predisposed to cholesterol issues. But just because you know a thin person with heart disease doesn't mean it is healthy to be severely overweight. I don't understand why people are so resistant to tackling this problem as it is a ticking time bomb and hugely interlinked with mental heath.

Ps when I said I was eating crap I was referring to pizza and other foods than have low nutritional value. Not family buckets of kfc on my own. I have pcos so losing weight was a challenge but I feel healthier. I'm still suffering with the consequences though - I've developed hideous various veins in this pregnancy. I don't doubt that they have not been aided by the years of additional strain I placed on them
by being overweight.

My youngest is 5 and had a year of steroids for a serious heath condition. His appetite is now enormous. We have to watch his diet very carefully as he doesn't seem to have an off switch and he is significantly bigger (91st centile) than my other children. So no, it's not just a girl thing.

OP I'm glad your daughter took your comments in the way you intended them. Keep the dialogue open with her.

A few things I would mention such See through leggings, suggest a longer top because you can see your under crackers
Shorts too short you can see you arse, I couldn’t help but say something.
Otherwise Leave her alone. She can chose her own style, no dressing for the weather and being cold isn’t a fashion crime.

@Mar11 , agree with you.
If you can't give your daughter advice who will?

I told one of mine her eyebrows looked a bit weird and she refused to go to school that day!!! I also have one that is big, if I ever say anything now she is adult, she tells me off. Fat shaming or it's up to her what she wears, doesn't care what others think.!! BTW I got NO help after her birth regarding size from health professionals. Think she has an actual problem wasn't over eating as born big, have heard progs on radio describing actual physical issues that sound like her. However when she got a boyfriend she doubled her size and has never lost it so think 16-18 when at school to 22-4 now.I am Worried about health implications, diabetes, knee problems etc. Also worry about pregnancy eating as craved sugar with her and ate a lot of cream cakes, put on weight myself. So was it her making me crave or did my eating switch on her need for sugar. She used to get aggressive when a child if denied it