Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

Ps just a thought : I keep getting mumsnet emails about those jeggings in m& s that are really flattering and have heard on glamour magazines site that a pair of them sells every 15 mins just fyi ...m&s is also online...they are £19.50....

Magazine's*

Various life experiences of mine have taught me that there is more to fret about than whether a daughter's knickers are visible through her leggings.

I am old enough to be worried about wrinkles and grey hair and spare tyres settling in for a long stay around my middle. I think back on the time I spent worried about tiny little details of my appearance as a teenager and in my 20s and shake my head sadly.

I bought DD1 a mug with this printed on it when she was going off to university
annetaintor.com/products/magnets/sku01349/

@titchy

The quote you posted about being a size 6 that you seemed to think was from the OP, was actually by another poster that the OP was quoting and replying to in her post.

The OP didn’t say those words.

Leave her alone, unless it's really cold out and you are going to be spending a lot of time outside. It's hard enough figuring out how to dress and trying to fit in with the other kids (especially as a curvy girl) without having to fight your mum about it too. Don't make life harder for her than it is already. I guarantee she is self conscious about her size already - society will have been making her feel wrong for years by 17. Don't add to it by subtly implying she should hide her body. Her mental health and self image are FAR more important than what she is wearing,

Leave her alone. Buy her some new leggings. Even primarks leggings have become loads better. So what if she's a bigger girl, you should be building her confidence up. We are all different shapes and sizes at the end of the day and I am also a believer in wear what the fuck you want regardless of size, shape, age, gender. The stuff youve mentioned about slim girls getting away with wearing crop tops and tops tucked in is a load of shit that boils my piss massively. Shit like this gets right on my tits. I have 2 sons 3 and 4 and they put my makeup on and have been known at nursery to be running round in the princess dresses. They are already different shapes, both tall and eldest is more lean and youngest is going to be built like a brick shithouse but I certainly wont be making comments on what they wear only the usual are you gonna be warm enough? Or lets get you some new clothes.

@Lincolnfield god love her, the orange foundation has been a right of passage since i was a teen. I get the worry over men leering at her but that is their problem not hers.

Just because it's in fashion, doesn't mean you can wear it!

I completely get where you're coming from with this, and I know it's because you care about her. However, I was a 'big' teenager and felt like absolute sh**e in everything I wore. It would take me hours of trying on different clothes, some days, to find something that I vaguely felt nice in. For someone to then suggest something else, was humiliating. I knew on a daily basis that I didn't look 'right', and that my clothes didn't fit properly; I didn't need someone else confirming what I already knew. Maybe just stick to complimenting her nicer outfits.

I have 2 sons 3 and 4 and they put my makeup on and have been known at nursery to be running round in the princess dresses. They are already different shapes, both tall and eldest is more lean and youngest is going to be built like a brick shithouse but I certainly wont be making comments on what they wear only the usual are you gonna be warm enough? Or lets get you some new clothes

I wonder how many mothers tell their sons their outfits aren't flattering, or don't co-ordinate correctly...

@bluebluezoo i know right, its always girls/women getting it in the neck for anything appearance based.

Also whilst im on a roll, for the ones going on about health. Just because someone is larger doesn't mean they are unhealthy, unfit or are sitting on their arse stuffing their gobs. This is an idea that has been drummed into us all for donkeys years. Im a big girl and yeah for sure i enjoy pizza, crisps and chocolate but i also exercise and eat well balanced meals. I also suffer from an eating disorder and this is purely down to having my weight, dress sense commented on negatively even by some family over the years because i wasnt rail thin like some of my cousins.
I think im done now thankyou for your time lol

But being in the obese weight category is unhealthy. I say that as someone that was and no longer is. And you might not be feeling the side effects of it now but the likelihood is that you will as you get older. And many people will suffer the consequences at a relatively young age. I've lost all the weight now but I have still put my body under an enormous amount of unnecessary strain. Why the fuck I didn't just stop eating so much crap before I'll never know. I think I wasn't ready mentally. But I'm much happier now I have. I'm not saying everyone needs to be stick thin, we come in all shapes and sizes but in the absence of medical issues (including depression) there is no reason to be severely overweight.

At 17 the OP's daughter should take action for the sake of her future health.

@patbutchersearring I would also tell my 11 year old when her clothes don't match or look good together. She's not at all overweight though so if I was to say something wasn't flattering I wouldn't be commenting on her size at all. Sometimes I have to tell her that her clothes are too small (because she has grown). And then we have to go shopping! I don't think this is abnormal in most families. The people I know that are obsessed with not commenting on what their children have eaten / wear almost universally have overweight children. It's hard to know if that's cause or effect.

I 100% tell my daughter when she needs to eat more vegetables and when she has had enough crisps. Sometimes I have to encourage her to eat enough as she is rushing around. I don't focus on her appearance though - her health and being fit and strong is much more important as is feeding her brain because I want her to do well at school. Likewise I get her up and moving if she is lazing around looking at her phone for too long.

Some people have grown up with abnormally hypercritical families. Their take on this type of stuff focuses naturally on the damage it has done to them. In the real world many of us are having very sensible non damaging conversations with our children about all of this stuff as our parents did with us.

@itsabitofamess you do realise BMI is totally outdated and also thin and "healthy" people still have hypertension, type 2 diabetes, joint problems, heart disease etc. Father in laws work colleague is a marathon runner but has a worryingly high cholesterol level. Also unlike you have said I don't sit there and "eat all the crap". My point was that you can be bigger, eat well, exercise and still have a high BMI but be completely healthy. And lucky for you that you weren't criticised for your appearance or weight because I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone.

This is a very large thread and I've not read all the comments-sorry!

I just wanted to give my opinion, I'm a larger lady (23) and can dress well most of the time. My mum was always quite open with what works and what doesn't. Not in a nasty way but she knew I'd come to regret some clothing decisions later and didn't want be to be embarrassed (I have a harsh family when it comes to their opinions)

If you're comfortable enough just tell her nicely!

Sorry if it's already been said!

I think you should say something. Don't say this looks bad but something on the lines of this legging is quite see through. I think they would look so much better with a longer top... Don't make a big deal and don't nag. She will thank you one day. Maybe one day take her shopping

@patbutchersearring I would also tell my 11 year old when her clothes don't match or look good together. She's not at all overweight though so if I was to say something wasn't flattering I wouldn't be commenting on her size at all

Would you say it to an 11 year old boy?

You really should just leave her alone to get on with it. All teenagers, regardless of size, wear inappropriate and strange clothing. I don’t want to judge but it sounds like you wouldn’t mind if she was skinny, which is wrong. Let her live, she’ll realise soon enough.

I’m very large and my mum really demoralised me about my clothes and they were genuinely fine (I asked my sisters who later admitted that mum was going on about my weight but through my clothing. A few years ago I was seriously worried about my daughters clothes (or some of them) she insisted on wearing clothes far to baggy but what genuinely scared me was that her trousers often showed her bum and half her cheeks. One day she came home from college in fits of tears saying a boy had pulled her trousers down. Obviously first of all I comforted her but a short while later we had a talk about it and I explained to her that what had happened was part of my worse nightmare, I explained to her that I was genuinely (and I honestly was) worried that she may one day get raped because of it. I told her I didn’t want to scare her but it was a possibility.
Personally I think you should talk to your daughter but don’t say anything in a patronising or harsh or unthourtful way.
Good luck to you.

"I explained to her that I was genuinely (and I honestly was) worried that she may one day get raped because of it. I told her I didn’t want to scare her but it was a possibility."

Fucking hell, have you heard yourself? You told your DD she might get raped because of her clothing choices.

Seriously?! The irony of saying shit like that and then advising other posters how to talk to their daughters.

Definitely tell your kids to wear a coat and weather-appropriate shoes. But, I wouldn't dictate their leisure clothes. All the young girls (including my daughter) seem to live in leggings and t-shirts. I'd never dress like that but I'm old and have hopefully outlived my worst fashion choices.

How many of us were fashion icons at 17. You might not like the way she is dresses though it is not unusual for her she or size these days.
At 17 I remember DM moaning. I wore white knee high boots, white short skirt with bright blue eyeshadow. I would not wear it now but then I was a ridiculous looking rebel.

age or size.

Wow!
Thank you for all the replies! I have had a busy few days at work so sorry it's taken so long to get back on here!
Lots of ideas, opinions, stories -thank you all!

I actually spoke to my DD the day I started this thread and apologised for commenting on what she chose to wear. I told her that it wasn't nice of me and that I'd hate it if I felt someone was always criticising me.

Her response - I kid you not...

'But you weren't criticising ME were you? Anyway, you like my clothes. YOU bought me them!'

Me: 'Yes but I was nagging'

Her: 'You should see everyone at college Mum! They're a mess! (Laugh) I just can't be bothered sometimes. It was freezing today (laugh). What's for tea?'.

So... I don't think I've damaged her irreparably.
Having said that, a lot of you are very wise and have given me food for thought! I'm going to keep my mouth shut!