Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

Is the see-thru leggings thing a fad like when we used to wear jeans in the early noughties with the top of our thing showing ?
I’m battling with my dd at the moment about clothes , she’s not dressing badly ,just not dressing for the weather .. she’s 8 though so I can put my foot down for now

You have a completely warped sense of which comments are appropriate about someone's appearance and which are not. Telling someone that they are too fat to look good because the clothes they chose show too much of themselves is deeply disturbed. I have been shopping with friends and DCs (can you shift from your sexist mentality for just a sec?) and have never told anyone they look too fat to wear something. If asked I respond with something positive, and that's it.

You also seem to forget that you are not her friend, you are her mum and she did not ask you to go shopping with her or express an opinion.

Omg.. *THONG not thing . That’s sounded c rated

X! Oh fuck off phone

As someone who suffered from an eating disorder for a decade, in large part due to her mother making no secret of the fact she thought I looked awful in my clothes (when I look back, I was just...dressed like a teenager), leave her alone. If she's cold on a day out, she'll either have to put up with it or she'll learn. If you just don't like her clothes/your ideas of what is attractive or not aren't being met, that's your problem, not hers. Don't decimate her self-esteem when it seems that currently, she has her own sense of style and doesn't feel dictated to by her body - which is amazing.

Peach
Interesting last post. You seem to have me down as someone who hates overweight people.

I would definitely tell her about her leggings being see-through in case she hasn’t realised.

Everything else I’d bite my tongue. One of the only things my parents inadvertently got right was never commenting on my teenage fashion experiments - the punk era with shaved eyebrows, bright red hair and a top fashioned from a bin-liner; the huge platform shoes that wrecked my feet etc.

My DD went through a goth phase, a skirt up to her bum phase, not wearing a coat no matter what the weather was doing. I always made a point of telling her I liked her style and never said anything awful about her choices when we went clothes shopping. I wasn’t the best parent but I do think following what my parents did was the right (but very hard) thing to do for DD.

Now she’s a mum and our tastes in clothes are still poles apart but I never comment other than to say she looks lovely.

@Sunshineandflipflops "short skirts, striped tights and huge para boots with bleached red hair and several piercings"

This is still a most excellent look now (@wouldyousaysomething no doubt you will feel even more free to disregard my posts now )

Telling someone that they are too fat to look good because the clothes they chose show too much of themselves is deeply disturbed.

WTF? Who said those words?!!

Webuilt
Come again?

When I was very early 20s, I wore a short skirt virtually every day, even in winter. I wasn't even remotely overweight though. I had in my head that trousers made the tops of my thighs look fat, and I was paranoid about this, so my way around it was to wear a shortish skirt (mid thigh) as this hid the tops of my legs. To other people I might have looked odd during winter I suppose!
I don't think I'd say anything to your dd, if she's happy what does it matter?

WTF? Who said those words?!!

You did repeatedly. You have said your DD does not look good in her clothes because she is large and they are unflattering and too revealing.

You are seriously deluded about your attitude to your DD and it will come back to bite you in the arse very, very soon.

I thought you might get a few brand new posters saying 'it's fine', 'my Mum ruined my self-esteem' in support of your DD wearing see-through leggings and a crop top. And yes, I've checked one poster in particular and you have.

I tell my youngest DD it's not appropriate to wear leggings with a crop top. Crop tops (if she must) go with jeans and skirts. Leggings go with tunics, hoodies that cover her bum.

I refuse to take her out / drive her anywhere if she is wearing a 'half-jumper' (cropped jumper) in the winter but that's because I don't want her to get cold or sick, and she needs to learn to look after herself and dress practically. I never focus on it being about the way she looks, just being sensible. She is still a young teen so I can

I knew a Scout Master who obsessed about girls wearing leggings with their (short) Scouts shirts, saying they were more practical than jeans. He used to stare at the girls and freaked a few of them out. Thankfully he moved out of the area.

You also seem to forget that you are not her friend, you are her mum and she did not ask you to go shopping with her or express an opinion.

Haha really?
She's always nagging me to go shopping with her! I spend most of my weekends hanging around changing rooms waiting for the next outfit to come out. Along with a load of other people!

Just for info, you can’t catch a cold from being cold ..

I have you down, accurately, as someone who thinks fat people should dress in a way that's "flattering" (ie slimming) regardless of current trends or personal preference, and I know from experience how damaging it can be to be an overweight teen with a mother who believes that.

@mindtheclegs I can assure you I am not a brand new poster.

Booboo

Your quote:
Telling someone that they are too fat to look good because the clothes they chose show too much of themselves is deeply disturbed.

You've changed 'fat' to big' in your last post.
Reason: because I didn't call my DD FAT. YOU did.

see through legging are a massive bug bear of mine.. i would throw all that are see through away and replace with nice new thicker leggings!

Maybe not mention about the way she dresses though and let her have her own style.. I'm saying that now as a mum of a nearly nine year old who loves fashion and i will NOT let her wear anything i find unacceptable. It's going to be hard for me to bit my tongue as she gets older and and dreading it!

I'd tell her about the see-through leggings. Once. Most of us, if told about that, would be horribly embarrassed and buy thicker leggings. If you tell her and she doesn't, then she doesn't care or it's a teenage fashion thing inexplicable to us older people. No need to mention it again.

Thinking that her top doesn't match her leggings, that she's showing too much skin for someone her size, or that she'll be cold? Keep it to yourself. Presumably she has a mirror. She can see how her clothes look and has decided to go out wearing them. If she's too cold, she'll learn from that and wear a coat the next day - or she'll put up with being cold. At 17, that's completely her choice.

I had unusual taste in clothes as a teenager. I had one relative who bought me clothes that were very much in keeping with my style, just a little bit more conservative/conventional. I appreciated that, because it made me feel seen and respected. The parent who bought me the clothes she thought a girl my age should be wearing? Not so much, and the clothes ended up in a charity shop. I'd never have agreed to go on a shopping trip with her because it would have been a nightmare.

I'm a bigger woman ( and at least twice the age of your daughter!)

I'd appreciate being told if my clothes were showing my underwear as I'd probably not be able to see it myself! I also like being told if I look nice in something, it boosts my confidence and gives me inspiration to buy more - that may work for your daughter who may then swap from the ill fitting stuff to the nicer stuff!

mindtheclegs this will blow your mind but you can't catch a cold from feeling cold, so no amount of cropless tops will give your DD a cold.

Peach
Then you are correct.

Right. There we are then. If you continue in this vein you will damage your daughter's confidence and self-esteem and hurt your relationship with her. Again, I recommend you read some body-positive literature and address your own bias rather than punishing your daughter with it. Fat people have as much right to be fashionable and experiment with style as anyone else, and that includes your daughter.

You've changed 'fat' to big' in your last post.
Reason: because I didn't call my DD FAT. YOU did.

I've never met your DD and have no opinion on her body shape, much less an evaluative one. All I have to go by is how you talk about her and you obviously think she is too big and too fat. And that some of the clothes she wears make her look ugly. All of which are pretty disgusting attitudes to have towards your DD (and towards other people).

Show your DD this thread and see what she says. If she says that she loves going shopping with you and really values your opinion on her daily fashion choices, then you are fine to continue as you are.