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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner getting food

259 replies

Lafoosa · 01/03/2020 22:12

Am I overreacting being upset that whenever my OH goes to make food in the kitchen he never asks if I want something, he just makes himself about 8 slices of toast, a sandwich and god knows what else and doesn't even bother to ask if I'm hungry or want a drink.
The other day he ate an entire pack of bagels in one go claiming they'd go off if he didn't, well we have a toddler to feed and I could have eaten one too. He didn't need to eat 5 to himself. Plus they could've been frozen.
I actually ask him if he wants something when I make food.
Tonight around the time we'd normally have dinner cooking he went into the kitchen and spent a good 45 minutes in there to then come out having just eaten almost a whole loaf of bread and making himself noodles. Did he make any food for everyone else? No.
He took so long I thought he was making dinner, but by the time he'd finished it was too late for me to cook a meal. Luckily I'd already fed our toddler, so she didn't go hungry.
I just think it's the polite thing to do if you're already making food, it's no harder to make one extra portion of it.
I feel like I'm not even an after thought 🙄

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 01/03/2020 22:57

He sounds more like a flat-mate fending for himself rather than a proper partner. Greedy and selfish: what a catch!

Notcontent · 01/03/2020 23:00

He sounds very selfish/thoughtless but he must also be rather overweight!! How can he eat so much food??

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 01/03/2020 23:05

YANBU. We plan meals on a Sunday for the week, but I often find my DP making a “snack” if it’s his turn to cook dinner - usually cheese and crackers or toast. He does offer me some if I wander in, but it drives me nuts when we’re going to eat in half an hour or so. That said, I am not a snacker, so I just don’t get it.

AutumnRose1 · 01/03/2020 23:10

Tbh I’d not be bothered he doesn’t ask

But I am curious to know what his weight is like!

4Smalls · 01/03/2020 23:15

Sounds like an eating disorder. He wants to eat huge amounts, on his own, with you not around, almost in secret. That's why he doesn't offer you any of the food.

Fairenuff · 01/03/2020 23:18

Do you not talk to each other?

BeepOpsiePie · 01/03/2020 23:18

Is he morbidly obese or just one of these extremely tall people who can eat truckloads? Because that is just an insane amount of food especially if it's a snack!

Have a serious chat with him about sticking to mealtimes, planning and cooking food together, rather than raiding the kitchen on his own like some kind of greedy flatmate. When you live as a couple I don't think it's particularly normal to be regularly preparing meals for yourself without regard to what the other person will eat, unless you both on totally different irregular work schedules.

Thisismytimetoshine · 01/03/2020 23:21

That’s not just simple greed, it’s disordered eating. Entire loaves of bread at a sitting??

DishingOutDone · 01/03/2020 23:23

Am I the only one who recalls the last couple of threads like this that went completely the other way with people saying that the OP's poor partner was a hungry man and that she should simply buy more food?

EKGEMS · 01/03/2020 23:25

Well you can tell him off or wait for the diabetes to kill him off how much time do you want to wait?

GoodDogBellaBoo · 01/03/2020 23:28

He surely did not eat 8 slices of toast? Confused Sounds like you need to plan your weekly meals together, and have proper food.

faracrossthepond · 01/03/2020 23:28

@Lafoosa YANBU. Your OH sounds like a gargantuan greedy pig, he won't fit through a regular doorway before the end of 2020, he sounds horribly selfish, and you deserve better.

EIGHT fucking pieces of toast in one sitting FFS! My DH doesn't eat that many in a bastard MONTH, and neither do I!

GoodDogBellaBoo · 01/03/2020 23:30

@DishingOutDone Someone’s got wormsGrin

Louiselouie0890 · 01/03/2020 23:30

My OH treated himself to kfc 80 piece popcorn chicken box. Except you cant get it as a meal so decided to use my side of gravy to get himself mash instead and my drink to get himself a krushem. So I was left with my burger as I wont eat the chips without gravy. I spent 8.00 on a burger. I was not happy 😂

DamnYouAutoCarrot · 01/03/2020 23:32

Dropping off reading mumsnet, but now I'm laughing too much at the bastard month 😂😂😂

And @Lafoosa that's pure greed!

EIGHT fucking pieces of toast in one sitting FFS! My DH doesn't eat that many in a bastard MONTH, and neither do I!

nickname302 · 01/03/2020 23:33

Surely you say something when he does this?

DeRigueurMortis · 01/03/2020 23:34

That's an insane amount of food - 5 bagels/8 slices of toast.

It's not clear OP if he's eating this instead of a proper meal or in addition to it?

The whole helping himself and not offering to anyone else is just rude but as to any advice it depends on the above.

If he's doing this rather than have a meal then what's the set up at home re: cooking/meal planning? Do you have a normal time you would expect to eat? Who normally cooks etc?

I'm trying to work out if he's doing this because (aside from being rude) he's starving and can't/won't cook and potentially being passive aggressive about you making a meal or has a seriously unhealthy snaking habit.

Either way that amount of bread is really unhealthy. Even if replacing a meal 5 bagels it is still a lot.

Thisismytimetoshine · 01/03/2020 23:34

Eighty pieces of chicken? What sort of human dustbins are you all shacked up with?! 🤢. That’s a truly gruesome amount of food.

SpaceCadet4000 · 01/03/2020 23:38

YANBU, is it recent that he's started doing this or long-standing? Either way, I'd be really worried about the pattern of eating and what it's doing to his health.

BrendasUmbrella · 01/03/2020 23:38

Well, first of all ask him if he's going to make you all food, don't just wait to find out. If you're in a standard 2-4 bed you should be able to do that without even leaving the room you're in.

And stop offering to make him food. Just make your own. (And food for your toddler too because from the sounds of it they'd starve if it was left to your DP.) Stop the default that food magically appears when you go into the kitchen and sooner or later he'll probably want a chat about how nice it would be if both of you could cook for each other...

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2020 23:44

Eighty pieces of chicken? What sort of human dustbins are you all shacked up with?! 🤢. That’s a truly gruesome amount of food.

Popcorn chicken = teeny tiny amount of chicken with a horrible yacky coating. About a quarter of the size of a McNugget.

If my ex wanted a McNugget meal he would would order a 20 piece sharer box with large fries. He didnt have a food issue, he is just a fucking greedy bastard.

OP - Sounds like food addiction to me. Someone close to me had treatment for it, a whole loaf of bread in one go was their go-to, either just with butter or smothered in jam. Failing that, it could literally be anything but she would have to eat it all, she would make herself sick rather than leave (say) a slice of bread in the bag. In her case it was probably due to neglect/lack of food as a child but there are a lot of triggers for it.

The issue isnt the selfishness (although you will need to address that at some point) but what is very clearly an eating disorder.

FrockFrockFrockityFrock · 01/03/2020 23:45

What are this man's bowel movements like?! 5 bagels and all that bread!! Shock

No YANBU.

morriseysquif · 01/03/2020 23:52

Selfish, greedy.

Freeze stuff before he can get his hands on it.

LeavingTheTable · 01/03/2020 23:52

Eight slices sounds either like Binge-Eating disorder or like just plain basic common sense if you toast them and add Vegemite.

Vegemiiiite.

I'll stop there as this isn't in the Erotica topic.