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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner getting food

259 replies

Lafoosa · 01/03/2020 22:12

Am I overreacting being upset that whenever my OH goes to make food in the kitchen he never asks if I want something, he just makes himself about 8 slices of toast, a sandwich and god knows what else and doesn't even bother to ask if I'm hungry or want a drink.
The other day he ate an entire pack of bagels in one go claiming they'd go off if he didn't, well we have a toddler to feed and I could have eaten one too. He didn't need to eat 5 to himself. Plus they could've been frozen.
I actually ask him if he wants something when I make food.
Tonight around the time we'd normally have dinner cooking he went into the kitchen and spent a good 45 minutes in there to then come out having just eaten almost a whole loaf of bread and making himself noodles. Did he make any food for everyone else? No.
He took so long I thought he was making dinner, but by the time he'd finished it was too late for me to cook a meal. Luckily I'd already fed our toddler, so she didn't go hungry.
I just think it's the polite thing to do if you're already making food, it's no harder to make one extra portion of it.
I feel like I'm not even an after thought 🙄

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/03/2020 22:15

YANBU

What does he say when you tackle him about it?

GrumpysOtherHalf · 01/03/2020 22:15

He is eating a gargantuan amount of bread

Christmadtree · 01/03/2020 22:16

Wow that is selfish. Although the dinner thing could be down to communication too.

Does he do anything with dc or around the house generally without being asked?

GrumpysOtherHalf · 01/03/2020 22:16

And no, yanbu. I can't stand it when people make themselves something and not offer you one

RedRed9 · 01/03/2020 22:16

Is he a giant??!

june2007 · 01/03/2020 22:17

He doesn,t sound like a partner I think you need a good talk about this. It,s not on. Getting the occasional snack form himself is one thing but this sounds more then that.

MajesticWhine · 01/03/2020 22:19

He sounds like a binge eater. But also a selfish git. Really out of order.

TFthatsover · 01/03/2020 22:20

DH used to do this when we were newly married and before DC. I pulled him up sharp on his selfish behaviour which he didn't realise was wrong. He was used to living alone and feeding himself. 18 years and 2 DC later, he has not done it since. Pull him up OP or he will keep doing it.

Hellohellohi · 01/03/2020 22:21

Sounds like a binge eater .

Elieza · 01/03/2020 22:22

Don’t make him any dinner. Come out of the kitchen and eat yours in front of him. Watch his reaction and say “now you know how it feels when someone makes themselves something and doesn’t ask if anyone else wants something”.

Daftodil · 01/03/2020 22:29

How selfish! YANBU. This would drive me mad. He is a grown up. Time for him to stop acting like your child and start acting like your partner.

gamerchick · 01/03/2020 22:32

This is so weird. What does he say when you pull him up on it? That's a lot of food in one go.

Daftodil · 01/03/2020 22:32

Also, he's going to end up massively constipated if he is just eating bagels, bread and noodles!

Rosalo · 01/03/2020 22:33

5 bagels is just gluttony.

mypoorfurbaby · 01/03/2020 22:36

5 bagels is not normal for 1 person in 1 sitting.

You need to tackle this with him op- he should be thinking about meals for the family and not just himself.
Does he get involved I. The toddlers routine at all?

Samtsirch · 01/03/2020 22:36

It does sound like some sort of eating disorder, a binge eating or emotional over eating problem, he may have some things going on that he doesn’t know how to deal with or can’t easily talk about.
Have you tried a softly softly approach, to see whether he needs some help or support ?

headlock · 01/03/2020 22:37

My DH has done that a couple of times and I was instantly annoyed. It's so selfish! I always offer. He's not done it since. He's generally very considerate.

billy1966 · 01/03/2020 22:37

Extremely ignorant and selfish OP.

katy1213 · 01/03/2020 22:41

Sounds really unattractive - he must be the size of a house, or soon will be.

HisValentine · 01/03/2020 22:45

That's soooooo much bread!! How does he shit?

datasgingercatspot · 01/03/2020 22:46

Gross! He oinks like a pig.

CalmdownJanet · 01/03/2020 22:47

5 bagels Shock. I mean I can put away a fair amount of bagels/bread toasted with lashings of butter and jam but fuck me 5 is just piggery

YorkshirePud1 · 01/03/2020 22:51

That is so selfish - and greedy. Who can eat 5 bagels, or nearly a whole loaf of bread? You're definitely not being unreasonable - it says a lot about him. Is he very selfish in other ways, or just when it comes to food?

Herocomplex · 01/03/2020 22:52

You need to have a chat and agree on meals and mealtimes.

He’s an adult who can eat what he chooses obviously but he lives with two other people, it’s a shame you can’t all enjoy your meals together.

Yesmate · 01/03/2020 22:56

That gave me heartburn just reading it! I’m all seriousness though that’s incredibly selfish and unattractive.